[niss]

Maybe acceptance is more important than compromising.. and not taking yourself to seriously ;)

Acceptance and compromise are more important than being right. Especially when being right damages the relationship.

It’s weird, the more I read about ISTJ’s the more I feel like some part of me is ISTJ as well, especially when it comes down to the practical aspects of life. Can you be more than one type, especially when they are so opposite?

No, you aren't more than one type, but your type is only part of what makes up who you are, as a person. You must also consider life experiences and values. FWIW, you and your ISTJ share the same functions, just in reverse order.

For example, although I detest doing the household, I’m always too late and can be rather impulsive, I enjoy taking care of our finances,r exam taxes and insurances in a fact-based and logical way. My partner lets me do the administration, because if he does it I want to check everything (due to some bad experiences).

You've just described the answer to your dilemma. You are doing this out of fear due to some past bad experiences. You're still an ENFP, but you've adapted to doing something that isn't typical for an ENFP in order to avoid negative consequences.

This can be frustrating for him. He admits that he has stopped thinking for himself because I think for the two of us. Recently he said “I think you’re too good for me”, calling himself a “lethargic bastard”.I think this is unhealthy, but I don’t know how to solve it otherwise than holding back on my own talents, taking a few steps back and pretending I need him to do my administration.

Probably not good, and it is probably stemming from how you are doing things (not including him). Fear, as a motivation, seldom results in great decision making, so it is likely that you are micromanaging a bit. Or, it could be that he has an issue with accountability and dislikes "reporting" to someone. Either way, the decisions need to be made jointly and the execution of the plan needs to be performed individually. Any consequences that result in a change of plans need to be discussed before moving forward.

Of course I do need him for many things, I love him dearly and he’s a wonderful person. The problem is that, except for the household, we both agree that I’m better in tasks like mathematics, the administration and planning, thereby giving him a sense of uselessness (since that used to be “his thing”).

Welcome to the world of the fragile male ego. We need to be desired and to be needed by our SO. Figure out how to fix this - it's important to him.

I realize this is very atypical, not really an ISTJ/ENFP problem, but it shows that being similar in certain fields can just as much lead to major clashes. “Letting the other be different” might prove more resilient than having a simelar focus in life, but competing over these similar interests. So I do believe that (mature) ISTJ-ENFP couples can be a succes!

We must honestly assess our own strengths and weaknesses. SWMBO is better at math than am I, but I'm the science guy ;). She is better at long range planning, but I am better at executing the plan. I am the spreadsheet guy who likes to track all of the little details about our purchases, but she is better at actually purchasing the goods. So we save money when she comes up with the goal, I provide the research, she does the buying, and I execute the plan. Sounds crazy, but it works really well. There are a lot of personality related reasons behind this, which we can go into some other time.

Don't sweat it about being atypical. Normal is just a setting on your dryer.

[BooMonster]

Acceptance and compromise ... ;). She is better at long range planning, but I am better at executing the plan. I am the spreadsheet guy who likes to track all of the little details about our purchases, but she is better at actually purchasing the goods. So we save money when she comes up with the goal, I provide the research, she does the buying, and I execute the plan. Sounds crazy, but it works really well. There are a lot of personality related reasons behind this, which we can go into some other time..

Play to your strengths -and appreciating the differences - and laughing together -definitely! Another example, I plan menu=strategy (lol with input from husband), husband likes writing lists from menu plan and does grocery shopping (I think it's that detail thingie), I love cooking, and we eat :) It takes time since we have to discuss each "change over" of responsibility (eg to cook a paella I will need .... Calasparra rice etc and it goes onto the list - but that's half the fun ;) he is THE PantryMaster :D

Don't sweat it about being atypical. Normal is just a setting on your dryer.

< love that one!

[ladysportsman]

I just stumbled upon this site after taking my M-B quiz. Turns out, I'm an ENFP and my hubby is the typical ISTJ - (He's a CPA, Financial guy who just completed his MBA, I mean, textbook) So I freaked out a little bit as we are COMPLETE opposites. I read a little of the 90 pages on this post and many of you have great points! Thanks so much for sharing.

But here's the deal. I've been with him for 17 years, married 9 years, and we are happy. Is always sprinkles and sunshine? No, show me a marriage that is (doesn't matter personality type). But we both work on it - sometimes one of us works on it more than the other. Its an ebb and flow thing I guess. I am now recognizing his ISTJ tendancies and can see how my need of affirmations can be quite annoying. Sometimes I annoy myself on it.

So recognize your differences, but don't let it drive you apart. Thanks again for your great insights!

[pinkrasputin]

I just stumbled upon this site after taking my M-B quiz. Turns out, I'm an ENFP and my hubby is the typical ISTJ - (He's a CPA, Financial guy who just completed his MBA, I mean, textbook) So I freaked out a little bit as we are COMPLETE opposites. I read a little of the 90 pages on this post and many of you have great points! Thanks so much for sharing.

But here's the deal. I've been with him for 17 years, married 9 years, and we are happy. Is always sprinkles and sunshine? No, show me a marriage that is (doesn't matter personality type). But we both work on it - sometimes one of us works on it more than the other. Its an ebb and flow thing I guess. I am now recognizing his ISTJ tendancies and can see how my need of affirmations can be quite annoying. Sometimes I annoy myself on it.

So recognize your differences, but don't let it drive you apart. Thanks again for your great insights!

Soo....

How d'ya meet?

[ladysportsman]

Hi @pinkrasputin - we met on July 4th thru mutual friends. They kind of set us up. We had similar backgrounds and just graduated high school. I had my college plans all figured out. He, however, did not. (so un-ISTJ!!) So I convinced him to come to my college and I remember him saying to me, "What can I major in that will make me a lot of money?" (Ah, there's the ISTJ) We stayed together all thru college and the rest, is history.
Kind of boring now that I read it back. LOL!!

[Yardiff Bey]

Hi @pinkrasputin - we met on July 4th thru mutual friends. They kind of set us up. We had similar backgrounds and just graduated high school. I had my college plans all figured out. He, however, did not. (so un-ISTJ!!) So I convinced him to come to my college and I remember him saying to me, "What can I major in that will make me a lot of money?" (Ah, there's the ISTJ) We stayed together all thru college and the rest, is history.
Kind of boring now that I read it back. LOL!!

Surely there's more to it than that. Tell us a story. :-)

*joins @pinkrasputin on the grass*

[SoftBoiledLife]

Surely there's more to it than that. Tell us a story. :-)

*joins @pinkrasputin on the grass*

+1

[difromoz]

Oh kitty, kitty! You guys really rock! Certainly made my day!

[Qadosh]

Don't mind me. I'm just here to cut the grass with my scythe.

[BuckeyeENFP]

Don't mind me. I'm just here to cut the grass with my scythe.

Alien invasion = crop circles???