[MyLittleBlackHeart]

Yes, I agree. I have noticed after maturing and having had failed relationships I have started to pay attention to those I get into relationships with and those I actually get along with. I have decided that any furture investment in a relationship with be in someone more similar to me due to the face that I get along so well with people more like me.
I have nothing against others, actually...I usually went for relationships with those who were different for me.

I think I understand now from a realistic aspect vs ideal what would suit me best. Quality of live is VERY important!

[Lilsnowy]

Even between two healthy individuals, this pairing can be difficult. If unhealthy, it will be a disaster. In my case, after awhile, it felt like the ISTJ was trying to destroy my spirit. I've really looked at this, why we're attracted to opposites and why it can go so wrong.

Here's why:

The decisive, perfectionistic tendency in the ISTJ can seem like constant personal criticism to the ENFP.
The ENFP needs constant affirmation to feel loved... so that sucks.

The ENFP's verbalized longings and evaluating of the the relationship can seem like complaining, whining or never being satisfied to the ISTJ, even though the ENFP is only looking for new ways to make everything even more special. The ISTJ will feel ashamed, like he has failed; He will start ignoring the ENFP so as not to be reminded of 'failures.' The ENFP desperately needs attention to feel loved...so that sucks too.

As the ISTJ feels less happy, there will be more overt criticism, until the ENFP can do nothing right. The ENFP will stop approachng the ISTJ, fearing ridicule or putdowns. The very things that attracted the ISTJ to the ENFP, like her intuitively knowing how to please him, her open affection, optimism and gregariousness will begin to dissappear --or be shown only with other people. Because the ENFP's vibrant, sexy enthusiasm is so attractive to the ISTJ, seeing it disappear will give the ISTJ more reasons to criticize...and that sucks bigtime.

Eventually, the ENFP will start to hope for a relationship that will be better than this one and will become very confrontational of the ISTJ, laying the groundwork for the coming breakup. The ISTJ will know the ENFP has 'left' on some level and will feel threatened and miserable.
The ISTP needs consistent faithfulness and assurance...so that really does suck.

Emotional health and the ability to understand, and to forgive are crucial, because 'opposites' like these two can be a nightmare of misunderstanding after the novelty wears off.

Sorry, I know that's a lot to read.

[Stoic]

Even between two healthy individuals, this pairing can be difficult. If unhealthy, it will be a disaster. In my case, after awhile, it felt like the ISTJ was trying to destroy my spirit. I've really looked at this, why we're attracted to opposites and why it can go so wrong.

Here's why:

The decisive, perfectionistic tendency in the ISTJ can seem like constant personal criticism to the ENFP.
The ENFP needs constant affirmation to feel loved... so that sucks.

The ENFP's verbalized longings and evaluating of the the relationship can seem like complaining, whining or never being satisfied to the ISTJ, even though the ENFP is only looking for new ways to make everything even more special. The ISTJ will feel ashamed, like he has failed; He will start ignoring the ENFP so as not to be reminded of 'failures.' The ENFP desperately needs attention to feel loved...so that sucks too.

As the ISTJ feels less happy, there will be more overt criticism, until the ENFP can do nothing right. The ENFP will stop approachng the ISTJ, fearing ridicule or putdowns. The very things that attracted the ISTJ to the ENFP, like her intuitively knowing how to please him, her open affection, optimism and gregariousness will begin to dissappear --or be shown only with other people. Because the ENFP's vibrant, sexy enthusiasm is so attractive to the ISTJ, seeing it disappear will give the ISTJ more reasons to criticize...and that sucks bigtime.

Eventually, the ENFP will start to hope for a relationship that will be better than this one and will become very confrontational of the ISTJ, laying the groundwork for the coming breakup. The ISTJ will know the ENFP has 'left' on some level and will feel threatened and miserable.
The ISTP needs consistent faithfulness and assurance...so that really does suck.

Emotional health and the ability to understand, and to forgive are crucial, because 'opposites' like these two can be a nightmare of misunderstanding after the novelty wears off.

Sorry, I know that's a lot to read.

Is this from reading, or from personal experience?

[Lilsnowy]

This is from personal experience more than anything. I think problems are more likely to happen with unhealthy individuals. If you have trust issues or are insecure or demand perfect compliance to your whims, you will have trouble in any relationship. The ISTJ in question had the idea that I was an extension of him because i tried to anticipate his needs. I couldn't anticipate them perfectly though and that became a source of frustration.

As opposites we really can be misread easily, even though in a lot of ways we complement each other.
ENFPs are such free spirits which can be attractive to ISTJs but that very quality can become very frustrating to stability-minded types. A lot of love and forgiveness and understanding are important in this relationship, but not everyone is equipped with those.

I don't know if this helps; it's the way I see it but also these two are considered to be conflicted in socionics also.

[genie]

Has any ENFPs out there stayed married to ISTJ's without going insane?

[Graeb1]

All in all I think any relationship type pairing can work in theory...you just have to perfect your communication approach and have alot of patience and affection....

Oh how I wish that were true, but I do not believe it. I'm the ISTJ. You describe perfectly me and my ENFP. Yes, if we work really hard at communicating, we can overcome -- for a time -- our natures. But our inclinations are always opposite and they are constantly fleeing our good intentions only to collide with one another; another frustration, another hurt feeling.

[Dallas]

There is a couple I know who is ISTJ and ENFP (Female and male respectively). They've been dating for about three years now and they seem to bicker quite a bit, but get over it really quickly. I think this is a hard combination, and one that requires a lot of patience and understanding of the other person. I, however, don't know if that's enough.

[Lilsnowy]

I think the TJ vs. the FP is the hardest thing in this dynamic. We're literally on two different planets.
Also, I said ISTP at one point and that was a typo. I meant ISTJ.

My experiences are not the end all. I think the problems were extreme. It still goes back to forgiveness and acceptance of differences; not trying to control someone. I'd like to hear from the ones that make it work.

[CallSignOWL]

I do not have any experiences with an ENFP romantically, but my younger brother was typed as one. We fought like cats and dogs throuought our childhood. he probably viewed me as stuck-up, critical and condenscending. I viewed him as immature, irrational and a bit of a drama queen. he through a big hissy-fit when i 'forbade' him from microwaving our families' stick of butter. (you cant do that.it makes the butter platter really nasty) We actually get along alot better now...but that is because we never see each other!! When we do, we are almost always arguing, and very rarely do we seem to get along.

[Lilsnowy]

CallsignOwl, that's funny! I saw the same things, almost heard the same words, once! (except incredibly, it was about melting a Cadbury egg in the microwave to see what would happen.) "That's a waste of time!" was a big one. His other big one was, "I don't buy it!" after someone told him about a situation they were in. Lacking in compassion, unfortunately. It really takes maturity and self awareness to see how you can hurt people. Or to be able to see that they are different becuase of inate personality. It's good people like you are curious here.

ISTJs are drawn to our bouncy and entertaining goodheartedness and we're drawn to your stability, strength and decisiveness. I can see that.

An ENFP says to an ISTJ:
"If you know it hurts my feelings--because I've told you over and over that it does--why do you keep saying it?"
The ISTJ looks at the ENFP and says, "If you know it doesn't please me-- and I'm more important than you are because I'm right-- why do you keep doing it?"