[niss]

All-



WOOF! This thread is becoming intense.

I haven't responded primarily because of the required investment in time and energy. Walls of text, intense emotional and relational problems, blech!

Most of you EXFP's are right in what you ORIGINALLY suspect/believe/feeling about your SO. Then you let love blind you and explain it all away. Maybe your right to do so, as @Yardiff Bey mentiioned, it's better to just get along. However, there comes a point of diminishing returns. And if you keep smelling smoke, you should look for a fire. Go watch Gaslight.

If you are wanting to vent, fine. Post walls of text and the EXFPs will gather round to hold and console. If you are wanting input from ISTJs, then post a question and include minimal background information (around 100 words is a good rule of thumb).

You are all great, but this is wearing me out. BTDT and I feel your pain.

[sparkles]

Argh! I'm done already. I'm sick of talking about my situation. It's exhausting and talking about it doesn't really help anything. From now on I will do my best to take my venting elsewhere.

I don't think those buttons can get pushed anymore anyway; I'm so over the suffering and feeling like my expectations are being managed. I still want the RL to work, even if niss seems to think that's unwise lol. I'm just sick of stressing over it.

@niss you are recommending Gaslight really? Hmm. (That's rhetorical.)

[pinkrasputin]

Reposting the OP:

ISTJ and ENFP relationships

Is it really that complicated? Has anyone had any experience, or opinion on it?

I think this thread gets confused for the "Ask An ISTJ Relationship Question" thread.

[difromoz]

Hi all...still following this thread from the sidelines of my email updates. Appreciation to all the contributions as certainly confirms the type of difficulties I have experienced with my own relationship (which I have shared on here). My ISTJ and I are still going strong and have certainly come to a middle ground these days which sees us both giving and taking more equally. We still have our differences but we are learning to communicate more clearly and focus on US rather than both trying to please everyone else in our lives. TBH I sincerely see his viewpoint on many things that have occured regarding many of our own issues and those that involved my SO and his family, kids, etc. Sure; he could have handled many issues differently but then if I'd actually known more of how he felt, if he'd let me in more or sooner...but since he lacked the knowledge, skill(s) and/or desire to do that; things played out in the typical ISTJ / ENFP dynamic. Nowadays; I have learned to see him for the amazingly compassionate and kind man that he truly is. Sure he may show these qualities in a different way than I do; but they are there none the less. And TBH, more often than not, his empathy is backed up with actions rtaher than just words...(which I can be guilty of since I so often change my mind or meant well when I said this or that, etc). We went to his Christmas work-do this weekend just gone and he offered to run a karaoke gig for the entertainment since we have a pro-system. I never realised just how well liked he was by his work collegues and I also overheard two women discussing him while in the bathroom (they didn't know I was there). They stated that he was always pleasant and friendly but that they didn't really know him as such. I was pleasantly surprised at just how outgoing he was running the entertainment for the night and he even sang a duet with me that we had rehersed a couple of times. And he aced it...he was great! I guess; he just needed to feel comfortable and do it in his own time. (He did have a few drinks though). We've been going to karaoke for about five years now and not once has he sung there although he did try a song once at a barbeque with a few friends.

All I can say to those experiencing the difficulties; so often within the ISTJ / ENFP dynamic is to be patient while remaining true to yourself; because from my own experience I am so glad that we worked out our differences and set some boundaries in place that meet both of our needs. YEP...I'm learning how to make this work because it's well worth the effort. And he actually does get me! :)

[sparkles]

@difromoz
Glad to hear it turned a corner for you.

[Doback]

Walls of text........

Walls of text and no cliffs?! Shake your head no more!

If you use Chrome, let me aware you on a TLDR browser plugin:

Stremor's TLDR plugin :: powered by Liquid Helium


@Yardiff Bey

[sparkles]

This article reminds me of the ISTJ EXFP dynamic... Hot Alpha Female » Blog Archive » I’m Only High Maintenance When You Don’t Maintain Me!

[niss]

Walls of text and no cliffs?! Shake your head no more!

If you use Chrome, let me aware you on a TLDR browser plugin:

Stremor's TLDR plugin :: powered by Liquid Helium

Tried it, but always get the message: Sorry dude, your gonna have to read it yourself.

*shrugs*

[stone100674]

Tried it, but always get the message: Sorry dude, your gonna have to read it yourself.

*shrugs*

It didn't do anything for me either. I clicked "Less words please" and it did nothing. Oh well, back the old stand by method.

[niss]

This article reminds me of the ISTJ EXFP dynamic... Hot Alpha Female » Blog Archive » I’m Only High Maintenance When You Don’t Maintain Me!

That is actually a really good analogy and a really good link.

I guess the break down comes in when the girl in question is rebadged.

It really upset a few car owners to find out that their Honda Passport was actually an Isuzu Rodeo, with none of the legendary, low maintenance Honda attributes and all of the problems that plagued Isuzu. Worse yet were the poor saps that bought the Cadillac Cimarron at a greatly inflated price, only to find out that they actually owned a Chevrolet Cavalier, with none of the class and amenities and all of the inherent problems with an entry level vehicle.

It's pretty awful to see a car roll into my bay that has not been maintained because the owner is clueless or doesn't care. I see this and I want to call the Car Care Police.

It's equally awful to see the light fade from the eyes of the proud car owner who normally tries to maintain their vehicles properly, when the realization sets in - realization that they have just purchased a very high maintenance car. One that is behind the curve and will need a lot of work and ongoing maintenance to keep it rolling.