[Yardiff Bey]

Thread inspired by a girl I met last night. I'm wondering if any of you have had this type of experience also.

No way would I go out with this one. I know, that statement sounds so shallow. Sosumi.

Looks: Lovely. Delicate features, slim body, pale skin, blond hair. Slight hint of bones showing in the facial features, so I knew she was getting slightly older.

Her first question to me: What do you do for a living? (Actually, the only question she asked me.) I fobbed her off with: "I work at xXx, making sure that their PCs work most of the time." Deliberately made it sound bland and uninteresting and didn't bother to tell her that I was an IT professional and PCs were the least-interesting things that I deal with. To be blunt, this question immediately screamed "gold digger" to me.

Only question I asked her: How do you spend most of your time? From this I learned the following:

* she's a marine biologist by training
* currently doing reception work because it's not easy to find marine biologist jobs here
* from overseas (I won't say the country)
* enjoys New Zealand because of the less-cold temperatures here

Her first question to another guy: How old are you? From this I learned the following:

* she is 27 years old
* she thought that a guy 35 years old was "okay" (ie in her range of dating options)

Overall evaluation: shallow gold digger. Her only interest in guys she'd just met was very selfishly focused: she wanted to know what kind of job they have (ie income) and their age (in her range). No interest in possible common interests, personality, hobbies, values, life experiences (ie travel), etc.

I wonder how many other girls and men out there are very much the same types.

[ISTLgal]

Usually I would know quickly within meeting a guy if I would date him or not. My first bf I knew within 10 seconds I liked him! However, there has been one exception I can think of where I knew a guy for a few years and would definitely NOT have dated him; then quite drastically changed my mind as I got to know him better. So I guess you can make judgements based on first appearances, but it's not til you look deeper that you can either confirm or throw them away.

I don't know what makes me attracted to some guys and not others. I've tried to analyse it...I have a thing for guys in positions of authority, and guys who have excellent - seriously brilliant communication skills for some reason. So tend to go for them (subconsciously), and used to be only attracted to extroverts, but I'm mellowing out and meeting some nice introverted guys now as we all get a bit older. I also like guys who have similar character or style to someone I have liked previously, or have negative aspects my mum displays which annoy me in her, but I seem to be attracted to in men. I think I'm messed up - maybe we all are. There is absolutely NO pattern to what they look like or their personality types. I don't care how much they earn or how they dress, or how much muscle they have (although I tend to like athletic looking guys).

[Sela]

@Yardiff Bey: I understand what you're getting at, but I FREQUENTLY ask people what they do for a living. FWIW, I don't really care how much money he makes (see below), but asking that question answers two questions:
1. Do you ACTUALLY work, or are you mooching off of someone else? I've lived with moochers before. NOT fun. IOW, can you at least support yourself, because I know I can support MYSELF, TYVM.
2. You never know, I might actually find what you do interesting and want to talk about it. Maybe we work in similar fields. Maybe we don't, but maybe you do something in your job that I dabble in/have a passing interest in.

As far as age (and again I'm not defending her in any way, shape, or form), I'd want to know if you looked waaaaaaaaay younger (or older) than you actually were; I'm not keen on dating someone that's old enough to be my biological father or young enough to be my child. Ewwww.

But in answer to your original question, YES, I have known within 5 minutes whether it's "yes" or "nah". :-)

[Istbkleta]

Excuse the ENTP for offering another POV (even if I don't believe in it):

1. 27 is NOT OLD!!!!!!!!!!
I think many people will agree on this ...

2. Is it possible her peculiar questions are due to lack of small talk skills, cultural differences, she is a Te-dom :)

I'd check those possibilities before passing judgement (you know the universal J weakness of rushing final decisions).

The cultural differences is very possible even if she's been in NZ for a while. Have no idea what your culture is there but I've heard you are really polite folk. Many nations are not and it does not mean they are mean/bad/rude/gold diggers.

I have been wrong in the past with a girl who was very clear on seeking a man with financial potential. Thing is she married such a guy and is really pulling her weight helping him with his business and taking care of the house and the two kids. She doesn't appear as a lazy freeloader and that guy definitely lucked out with her.

It's possible an ExTJ woman might appear a little too focused on the material but it does not automatically mean she is there to use you. I'd say it might be a great team. At least she doesn't beat around the bush :)

Did she have the vibe of a "mean bitch crushes all in her way" or "spoiled bleached blond bitch without integrity" ?

[Sela]

The cultural differences is very possible even if she's been in NZ for a while. Have no idea what your culture is there but I've heard you are really polite folk. Many nations are not and it does not mean they are mean/bad/rude/gold diggers.

I thought about this as well when posting my reply. In my little corner of the States, it's very common for the "so what do you do for a living" question to be asked pretty much right off the bat.

[SoftBoiledLife]

I thought about this as well when posting my reply. In my little corner of the States, it's very common for the "so what do you do for a living" question to be asked pretty much right off the bat.

That, or "Where ya from?" are pretty much the top two conversation starters.

[Female INFJ]

Hi Mr. Yardiff Bey

It's not every day that I get to talk to an ISTJ! I think I read about another Male ISTJ writing something similar. I think it's a bit too soon to write someone off. I wasn't there, but I know in the "dating" world, discussing occupation and such things are the norm. Perhaps for lack of better things to say, persons get involved in this type of conversation. Since you found the lady attractive, perhaps there could be benefit to hearing a person through, and giving them more time to express themselves, beyond first impression/discussion.

This being said, I usually know within a few minutes whether or not I will have some sort of relationship with a person. And yes, I agree it is a turn off to approach discussions with the opposite sex like this, but it happens! I can see a male who earns a lot being protective of himself. Perhaps you have your own form of "intuition" or "bs detector" that was operating that night also, who knows. Overall I would say to give the girl a break! I wouldn't say she's a gold-digger after one encounter...

[Diligence]

I thought about this as well when posting my reply. In my little corner of the States, it's very common for the "so what do you do for a living" question to be asked pretty much right off the bat.

That, or "Where ya from?" are pretty much the top two conversation starters.

Yep, I'd say these two are pretty accurate. I heard the second one while at freshman orientation for college and within a few minutes of talking, she asked me out. It caught me off guard completely since most bf/gf relationships start from friendship first. In the end, I had to turn her down and explain that I was in a relationship already, but I still made a good friend. I guess subtle flirting can be clear sign that a person wants to know you more than as a friend, although with some people small talk comes naturally and doesn't happen with the motive of creating a relationship.

In my experience, I can detect whether I'd like to date a girl within 5 minutes, but I'd also have to say my most rewarding relationships come from people who I've befriended first.

[Sela]

I guess subtle flirting

Conversation starters? Yes. Subtle flirting? No. At least not in my case. I truly couldn't flirt if my life depended on it.

[Mercer]

Thread inspired by a girl I met last night. I'm wondering if any of you have had this type of experience also.

No way would I go out with this one. I know, that statement sounds so shallow. Sosumi.

Looks: Lovely. Delicate features, slim body, pale skin, blond hair. Slight hint of bones showing in the facial features, so I knew she was getting slightly older.

Her first question to me: What do you do for a living? (Actually, the only question she asked me.) I fobbed her off with: "I work at xXx, making sure that their PCs work most of the time." Deliberately made it sound bland and uninteresting and didn't bother to tell her that I was an IT professional and PCs were the least-interesting things that I deal with. To be blunt, this question immediately screamed "gold digger" to me.

Only question I asked her: How do you spend most of your time? From this I learned the following:

* she's a marine biologist by training
* currently doing reception work because it's not easy to find marine biologist jobs here
* from overseas (I won't say the country)
* enjoys New Zealand because of the less-cold temperatures here

Her first question to another guy: How old are you? From this I learned the following:

* she is 27 years old
* she thought that a guy 35 years old was "okay" (ie in her range of dating options)

Overall evaluation: shallow gold digger. Her only interest in guys she'd just met was very selfishly focused: she wanted to know what kind of job they have (ie income) and their age (in her range). No interest in possible common interests, personality, hobbies, values, life experiences (ie travel), etc.

I wonder how many other girls and men out there are very much the same types.

i was set up with a girl by my ex girlfriend. she wouldn't stop talking and was very hsitronic. not to mention dumb. she would say things like "girls are complicated, i'm going to cause problems for you." really couldn't be happier to be away from her.