I need some help/advise from an ISTJ perspective. (I'm new to this, so I apologize in advance if I break any unwritten rules). Background info:
*I am an ENFP female who has been dating an ISTJ male for about 6 months
*Things have been a roller coaster ride
*I have read a lot of these threads and done tons of research trying to understand how our personalities interact.
*I've found that I understand the typical stuff as to why we clash or why I don't feel "loved" sometimes
*My SO and I had a really bad argument a couple of weeks, almost broke up (actually twice) but have since then talked things through. We understand that we are different and will have to bend in certain areas to make each other feel good about the relationship. When I've been close to giving up, he always comes through and puts some serious effort forth (I'm just a little put out that it keeps coming to this.)
I would love to pick your brains and get your thoughts on a million and one topics, but for right now, I have one focus. It seems to be as he tries to upset me at times and get a reaction (usually jealou one) out of me. He has admitted that he tends to get worked up sometimes when I say things, so then he in turn tries to make me mad.
Example: A guy friend of mine text me. I text him back. It was innocent and in plain view of my SO. I hide nothing from him. So then he decides to show me videos and pictures on his phone but then tells me there may be some I'm not allowed to see. Of course, I give him the "shut up" look and he immediately says he's just joking. Although, while we're going through pics on his phone, he turns his phone so I can't see it when he goes through a couple of photos.
I don't really think he has anything innapropriate on his phone, he's not that kind of guy. I just feel like maybe he's trying to make me think he does. It seems a little immature to me.
Example: He has a bachelor party coming up. I really hate the whole strip club thing (had a bad experience with an ex and strippers), but I know it's part of it and I can trust him. However, I did let him know it bothered me, why it bothered me, but that I trusted him and wanted him to go and have a good time at the party. One day, I made a joke about a list of things I considered cheating and "deal breakers" like: no touching someone else's lady parts, no letting anyone touch his "parts", no kissing, etc. Just no brainer stuff and I was joking. Actually told him I was joking. I knew he didn't need a list of things not to do. He took it pretty seriously.
We squashed that situation and it hasn't come up for a good three weeks. Then out of the blue last night he asks for the "stripper" list. He was with friends having some drinks. I tried not to engage and asked if he really wanted to bring that up again. He said his friends wanted to know. So, I promptly told him I didn't think it was funny, didn't appreciate being a joke to he and his friends and that he could do what he wanted. If I feel it crosses a line, I'll end things. Also, I don't like the type of guy who goes crazy over strippers and stuff like that and I would rather know he's like that now then later.
He follows up with a, "Do you really think I'm that guy," and "I wasn't trying to start shit." I know he's not that guy but I feel like he tries so hard sometimes to make me feel he's that type of guy and I don't understand. I like him just how he is.
Another example: We were out at a bar and he pointed out a woman and told me she was the new manufacturing engineer assigned to his group. I really didn't think anything of it. She's cute but nothing I would feel threatened by. That was the end of the conversation. The next evening he brought it up again, and I told him it didn't bother me. I really didn't think she was all that cute. He began to argue with me about how hot she is. It was way over the line. It didn't bother me at all until that point, but then I began to get upset. I told him he crossed a line. Unless I have a reason to worry, I don't need to know how hot he thinks every other girl is.
We discussed that situation for days. He says that he just wanted me to know that he was working with her some and that he thought she was hot. I don't buy that, though. I think he was trying for a reaction out of me, and when he didn't get it, he stepped it up. I told him that if he wanted to be with her or any other girl, he would. There was nothing I could do about. And he got all defensive saying he didn't mean it like that. It was supposed to be just purely informational.
I know this is a lot to read. I just need some confirmation that my suspicions are true. That he is trying to make me jealous and maybe why he feels the need to do that? Is there anything I can do to try and stop it? It may very well cost us both this relationship and that's a shame, because we're otherwise pretty great together.