A question to other introverted males

[fagballsmcready]

i remamber being 17 with the same problem, and the girl asked me out. anyway, after you build confidence, you should be abloe to do it on your own. us tmake sure you recognize the signs. and dont do it in public, because you may get humiliated. also, dont be a pussy. dont hold her chair out for her, dont bring her flowers or buy her stuff. if you do, you'll just become her friend who buys her stuff.till then, try asking her out on MSN or face book or somehting. that works for me.

[SHISHI]

Originally Posted by Chocojoe

I'm 17 years old and I've never asked a girl out on a date. Never. Not even to dinner or a movie or anything like that. I hate that males are supposed to initiate these things, I often get jealous of extroverted males who are able to do it so easily or girls who aren't expected to ask guys out. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you had the same problem and how you overcame it.

I am dating an ISTJ and he said he used to be really shy in high school. He only started dating when he was 22 and because he had gained more confidence through working out and became more attractive to women.

That makes me sounds very superficial but working on your appearance definitely helps. I am a ESFP so shy has almost never been in my dictironary... it is hard for me to understand sometimes.

I am very nice to most people who talk to me :) even if I am not interested in them romantically. Sometimes it's really a number game I think... the more people you talk to the more comfortable you become with them. Then it becomes easy to tell if a girl is interested in you or not.

Okay I know I talk too much I better try to get to the point :) My point is that most people are pretty nice when you try to get to know them. If you are interested in a girl, try to talk to her and become friends first. As time passes by you will get a good feel of how she thinks of you. Then you can start slowly by inviting her to group outings, followed by dates.

I know ISTJ like to take things slow and carfully. I knew mine for like 6 month before he finally asked me out... I always thought he was attractive, but he did not show any interest in me so I did not bother. But later he said he was attracted to me too but he thinks it is not appropreiate to ask a girl out so soon. You see? maybe there are girls out there who think you are cute :) Try to show some interest slowly :) She may just ask you out first!

[ks90]

There was one poster here who suggested (probably quite some time ago) and which I thanked for the insightful comment, that you're only searching for a 'girlfriend' to fit in with the rest of society; I'll agree.

At 17, I was the same way, but then I just stopped caring,-- it didn't matter to me what people thought of me, or how I fit in with the rest of the world because I knew I was different, and I understood that everyone else was different, that people in general are different despite most of them going with the flow. That said, I've never had a girlfriend, though I've had a hell of a lot of opportunities, believe me, to have one, and quite the attractive ones. Realise this, however:

No one will ever be able to fulfill you as well as you can yourself. Work on your self-esteem and meeting your goals, and don't be concerned so much about what others think of you, but at all times be kind, friendly, interactive, and courteous. And especially do not be concerned with meeting women. Many, most actually, are sleezebags and those, trust me, you do not want to have anything to do with; good things always come to those who wait, so be patient, you're an ISTJ after all, which means naturally you're nice and very kind, --people don't have the best times of their lives until they're in their 30s and 40s anyway. Until then, strive to be successful at all times in everything you do, completing each assignment, placing others first and at times before your own needs, hell make yourself the best person you can possibly be, and make yourself the best person, --take this advice, it's golden.

As for dating, I think for us ISTJ types, and possibly introverts in general, online-dating is probably the best approach, but not because we're shy (I certainly am not); it gives us a comparison, a match percentage if you will, that you simply can't find in the real world (although I admit it would be really nice to see match percentages on people's foreheads!), and that in the long run is what you want-- not to fit in with a braindead crowd that will be miserable, divorced and having no self-esteem within but a few short years, -- a crowd you won't even know within a short time from now.

[Kudo Shinichi]

I was successful when asking my childhood friend to go to Beikei Revolving Tower Restaurant where my parents propose but I was hard to explain why I bring her to the restaurant after 10 anniversary my parents propose in the restaurant.

[PBateman]

I had the same problem when I was 17. I hated that the boy had to ask the girl out, and then just hope that she said yes. As an ISTJ I do not care much for uncertainties...and that natural aversion is amplified when it comes to romantic or interpersonal relationships.

I think it gets easier for an ISTJ as we get older. Subconsciously I have always had an idea of a perfected version of myself that I have relentless worked towards. First it was my mind, then my body, and only now in the last few years has a healthy and meaningful relationship become something I am willing to work towards and invest time and energy in.

Much like the other ISTJs on here, one day I woke up and decided that I was going to make having a girlfriend a priority, so I started working towards that goal in the same methodical and analytical manner I work towards everything else. First I got in the best shape of my life...which made me more confident (more definite expectations - I knew objectively that more females would be physically attracted to me)...then I started observing my male friends who were successful with women, and adapted some of their techniques. For me it helped to think of being the aggressor in romantic relationships in terms of duty. As a male in this culture and era, if I find a female attractive and wish to get to know her, I have an obligation to initiate contact and establish that I am romantically interested in her.

Since I have started doing these things I have had no problem getting girls. Now if I can just find one that meets my expectations. haha

[Aceries]

Hehe. Reading your thread made me giggle a bit. x] I have an ISTJ boyfriend who is the exact same way. I am his current girlfriend, but I got the hint. If you like a girl, spend time with her and get comfortable. When you're comfortable enough, make a sly little comment how you're a shy guy around pretty girls. She'll take the hint. I sure did. I asked my boyfriend to be mine and we've been together for 2 years thus far.

[maneater]

Originally Posted by Marino

I met my girlfriend online. I strongly suggest this to anyone, as it is a great way for otherwise shy people to get to know each other before they actually meet.

I would recommend this too, this is the way I met my introverted mate and he easily communicated with me when he wouldn't of done so face to face verbally. It takes the fear out of talking to someone intimately.

[Mutatio NOmenis]

Yes, I have the OP's problem. I got my GF by carefully spotting my mark to ensure that she was single, receptive, and able to accept. When I posed the question, I forced myself to put my balls on the chopping block. It was a very uncomfortable experience.

[HandiAce]

It's not just introverts that might have the trouble, but shy extroverts as well. I'm hypersensitive... no actually over-thinking what would happen after I attempt to ask someone out. I'm afraid of offending or losing standing with someone and perhaps I'll feel like I have more of an excuse to be hard on myself should she reject my offering.

[Nueman]

I had a terrible time with this. I would ask, and they would be so shocked the results were damaging to my ego.

So, Rachel would you like to go out on a date Friday?
With you?

umm, nevermind.

Yeah, it is a double edged sword there, not only is the asking out more difficult. But also the fact that you are way less likely to be noticed by them in the first place. So my first impression on them was me asking them on a date. Few women will date a complete stranger.

Older, wiser, but probably still not good at this aspect of life.