[curious0610]

INFJ here! (waves), and I have a question for you ISTJ's. Most of my closest friends are ISTJ's -- we sort of gravitated towards each other, lol, in the sense that out of all our other friends, we became the closest. Our friendships are definitely one of mutual respect, though I think we both think of each other as slightly mysterious.

Anyway, here's my question. Recently, an ISTJ friend of mine broke up with his ENFx girlfriend of ~9/10 months (long story). Before the break-up, he had mentioned some things his ex had told him about our mutual acquaintances (ex; how so-and-so had wronged her and how so-and-so was this and that). She was pretty dishonest in these matters and said some false things that made several people look really bad. I could tell he was trying to remain logical about what he heard, but he definitely did so in her favor (i.e.; he would rationalize things so that they supported her). I guess this was because he really cared about her, but I can't tell where he stands on these things anymore.

In my opinion, it's really offensive if someone is dishonest with me or others around me, especially by spreading rumors. It might sound counter-intuitive, but usually when I hear "things," I can sense whether it's exaggerated or where it's coming from. So even if it's a very close friend or family member, I tend to take things with a grain of salt. However, I noticed that this ISTJ friend was always siding with his ENFx girlfriend. So what I'm wondering is this: how do you react to rumors about others (especially if you hear it from a loved one)? And also, in a situation like I just described, would you still believe in these things even after the person you heard it from lost your respect?

[kittychris07]

I do tend to think I would be inclined to believe things that those I loved/cared about said about another person. If I loved and cared about them, it means I have respect for them and trust their judgment. Sometimes I end up realizing (through someone pointing it out to me) that the rumors aren't entirely true, so I think I've become a little better at not just believing stuff that my friends say about others. I would hope that I wouldn't take the words of someone whom I used to care about, but then lost respect for, as truth. But I've never been in that situation.

I don't know if an ISTJ should be able to just "know" when the false rumors are not true. I can't always detect false rumors, unless the story sounds like it's really exaggerated.

Maybe the ISTJ really believed the ENF_ and had respect for her. Therefore he might have thought the things she said were kind of accurate.

[Svidrigailov]

I treat all rumours with contempt. I don't take people's word for it unless they can back it up.

There's a reason that it's a rumour and not a fact. Everyone; even my closest friends are capable of making things up.
It seems blind and stupid to me, to believe something purely because of the level of affection you hold for someone.

Unless, of course they have been right in the past, I may give more value to their words.

[niss]

I tend to believe what someone I know, love, and trust tells me. If I repeat it, I may include a disclaimer such as "I've overheard," or "It's been said," or "Rumor has it that," etc.

If a person that I've trusted tends to develop a habit of telling things that are overblown or are not true, I'll start viewing their comments with a jaundiced eye, because of their past history.

FWIW, rumors may or may not be true, and I've never been able to develop a litmus test that verifies the information being shared at the time it is being shared, unless I have explicit knowledge of the subject matter that contradicts what has just been shared. Nor have I ever been one to call down a person and demand that they show me proof right now. If I have concerns, I tend to not voice them until I have the opportunity to do a bit of research and either verify or disprove the information shared. If it is incorrect, I will correct the person--normally in a private manner.

However, if I have correct information already at hand, which contradicts what is being shared, I will stop the speaker dead in their tracks and correct them then and there in front of God and everybody.

The OP had a comment to the effect that they have an intuitive feeling or knowing when someone is rumor mongering. I, unfortunately, do not have the ability to discern when someone is telling a fact or is repeating a rumor, in most cases. If I were betting, I'd lay odds that most of us would get this one wrong if we were tested on this ability.

[Sela]

If I have concerns, I tend to not voice them until I have the opportunity to do a bit of research and either verify or disprove the information shared. If it is incorrect, I will correct the person--normally in a private manner.

However, if I have correct information already at hand, which contradicts what is being shared, I will stop the speaker dead in their tracks and correct them then and there in front of God and everybody.

Get out of my head now, please.

[poisoncup]

If i heard it from someone i lost respect for l probably wouldn't take it to seriously. I'd keep it in mind as a possibility until i get more information to prove either way. Unless its a touchy topic a might just ask the person the rumors about if it's true.

[Thrifty Walrus]

If I hear a rumor, I will ask who they heard it from, usually this will discredit them immediately as they will say "Oh well, I just you know, heard it," which translates to "I just made that up to start conversation." and if they say someone I will ask if this person knew where that person got it from, and if that person got it from someone else then I discredit it because it has gone through too many people.

Unless someone has actually seen for themselves or spoken to the person it is about, I treat it as false.

And if the rumor is about me, I find out who started it and start worse rumors about them. Sure it's counter productive but in the end I don't give a fuck about rumors, but I'm sure whatever catty bitch or insecure in the closet homosexual jock that started it will get up in arms over it. That makes me happy.

[Johnnyguitarman]

I expect rumours are made up mostly by ENFx or INFx, intuition and feeling are a dangerous combination!

A mature, self assured ISTJ would treat such gossip with contempt and either ignore it or check the facts before drawing any logical conclusions. A younger, less confident ISTJ might go along with the rumours and even believe them/ pass them on.

That is why I cannot stand any Soap Operas on the TV or indeed any dramatic television program. It is all fake.

[niss]

I expect rumours are made up mostly by ENFx or INFx, intuition and feeling are a dangerous combination!

A mature, self assured ISTJ would treat such gossip with contempt and either ignore it or check the facts before drawing any logical conclusions. A younger, less confident ISTJ might go along with the rumours and even believe them/ pass them on.

That is why I cannot stand any Soap Operas on the TV or indeed any dramatic television program. It is all fake.

Johnny--

Gonna have to disagree here. Rumors are started by all types. I've known ISTJs that were gossips of the worst sort.

This is a character flaw that must be overcome.

[niss]

I guess it bothers me a bit in this thread that some have posted that they hate rumors and will question the speaker about their sources or whatever, right their in the conversation. Personally, I have a hard time believing that anyone really does this on a consistent basis. Probably I feel this way because I know what a conversation stopper it is. If you question sources about every opinion uttered, you aren't gonna talk much 'cuz people are gonna leave you out of their conversations.

Also, I've seldom been able to recognize a rumor from a factual statement. Mebbe some of you are a bit fey and can discern these things, but I'm really doubting it.