[Frannyy]

I find that these days I have been going out of my way to cater to other people around me. For example, I live in a house with 10 other college students and I find that I am always trying to hurry up in the bathroom in case others need it, be quick to use the kitchen, clean up after myself and not leave anything in the way, etc. but it is definitely not reciprocated by everyone. I also tend to wake up earlier than my roommate and I am extra careful to be quiet in the morning, but when she gets in late sometimes she makes all the noise she needs and turns on all the lights she needs as well while I am trying to sleep. Now I am not saying that I absolutely expect these people to be more considerate of me or that I even desperately want people to be cleaner and hurry up (although it would be nice), but I just hate how it is not an equal give and take relationship sometimes- aka I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick and being taken advantage of. It is almost as if some of my housemates expect me to cater to them, while they can do what they want and get what they want when they want it. Do any other ISTJs experience this, and is there any reason why we do this???

[Marcus2x2]

I very much do this and likewise I feel that it is unappreciated. I find that frequently, I go out of my way to be accommodating of others and people just don't seem to consider that I could have been just a selfish cretin and have done as I pleased (which I now do sometimes lol!). I also found this to be the case in my last relationship - I was the one that was open-minded as to what the other person wanted. However, I felt that I had to keep on changing, adapting to what the other person wanted to an excessive degree, while I made no demands of her. It is easy to gain the impression that people just take your consideration for granted.

[niss]

Yes, this is definitely an ISTJ trait. We are always trying to minimize our impact on those around us--especially those that are not directly related to the task at hand.

For example, I don't want to waste the cashier's time, so I have my method of payment ready when I arrive at the register to check out. I also try very hard to select products that have the UPC clearly displayed or are clearly marked with the correct price when shopping.

I hate coupons because they always take too much time. In the rare instance when I am with SWMBO and she breaks out the coupon book (she's a coupon queen), I cringe inside and continually want to hurry the transaction so that i'm not wasting other people's time. I hate it when someone does this to me, so I don't want to make them wait while I dicker with a 35 cent coupon.

I also loathe (hate is not strong enough for this) being behind the lottery ticket purchaser when in line. Seems like they feel that we are there to watch them play a stupid game. So they buy their tickets, and then proceed to scratch them off, or whatever is is you do to play, and invariably, they win $5 or something, and so they use that to buy more tickets. I can go off like a bottle rocket when they start doing this.

Yes, hurrying in the shower, or whatever to help others is something I do. I find that it is not reciprocated about half the time. I used to let this bug me a lot, but now I just look at it as helping others and let it go.

[Svidrigailov]

For example, I don't want to waste the cashier's time, so I have my method of payment ready when I arrive at the register to check out.

Yeah, I do this as well. I make sure that I have the right amount of money just so I won't be standing around like an idiot counting.

I'm far too accommodating for my own good. It's like I don't have the ability to say no to people without feeling bad...But yet their are people that I like who I can't yes to!? wtf? maybe I just don't respect those people enough or something...

[Sela]

I also loathe (hate is not strong enough for this) being behind the lottery ticket purchaser when in line. Seems like they feel that we are there to watch them play a stupid game. So they buy their tickets, and then proceed to scratch them off, or whatever is is you do to play, and invariably, they win $5 or something, and so they use that to buy more tickets. I can go off like a bottle rocket when they start doing this.

I've already mentioned elsewhere how lottery players get on my last nerve. That is EXACTLY how they make me feel.

[Wake]

I find that these days I have been going out of my way to cater to other people around me. For example, I live in a house with 10 other college students and I find that I am always trying to hurry up in the bathroom in case others need it, be quick to use the kitchen, clean up after myself and not leave anything in the way, etc. but it is definitely not reciprocated by everyone. I also tend to wake up earlier than my roommate and I am extra careful to be quiet in the morning, but when she gets in late sometimes she makes all the noise she needs and turns on all the lights she needs as well while I am trying to sleep. Now I am not saying that I absolutely expect these people to be more considerate of me or that I even desperately want people to be cleaner and hurry up (although it would be nice), but I just hate how it is not an equal give and take relationship sometimes- aka I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick and being taken advantage of. It is almost as if some of my housemates expect me to cater to them, while they can do what they want and get what they want when they want it. Do any other ISTJs experience this, and is there any reason why we do this???

You put alot of emphasis on doing the right thing to have integrity. Imagine how things would be if you held everyone to your standards, and understand its a lost cause. Other people have a more self-centered view of things, and where many of their other decisions come from are completely different from yours.

My latest exercise is to try to think people are going to do me wrong, and to have to set them right when its comes time. Maybe you should try this, it will certainly give you a new experience on the world, and possibly strike some more balance on the give-and-take system which is off balances in your case.

[niss]

...My latest exercise is to try to think people are going to do me wrong, and to have to set them right when its comes time...

Maybe I'm not understanding what you are saying. I know I would hate to live my life like what it seems like you are saying in this post...

[Frannyy]

You put alot of emphasis on doing the right thing to have integrity. Imagine how things would be if you held everyone to your standards, and understand its a lost cause. Other people have a more self-centered view of things, and where many of their other decisions come from are completely different from yours.

My latest exercise is to try to think people are going to do me wrong, and to have to set them right when its comes time. Maybe you should try this, it will certainly give you a new experience on the world, and possibly strike some more balance on the give-and-take system which is off balances in your case.

Yeah I agree with niss- why would you want to live thinking that way??? And what makes me 'right' and them 'wrong'? I am not the head of the house so I can't make rules and force it on the others. Maybe I am not getting what you are saying..

[firedancer42]

Catering to others is something I definitely fall into. A lot of the earlier posts sound just like me. Living on my university's campus with many of my close friends and seeing them every day has really intensified this. Most evening I would get together with several close friends and, like college students do, we would always want snacks, movies, games, etc. I always made sure to have plentyyy of food and things for us to do at my dorm, which was suite style and had a living room and mini kitchen. I love being able to help but I did tend to get a lot of moochers. Then when I was over somewhere else there was rarely food or anything to drink, which is okay, but it would have been nice for others to reciprocate the actions.

However this next semester I will be living in an apartment close to campus and getting a new roommate who I know well and is probably an ISTJ, or at least an ISFJ as well. We get along great being so much alike, and she is like me and always looks out for our friends, too. This summer we've gotten together a lot to get things for the apartment and we're already planning stuff to do when we have friends over, even taking them into consideration when we buy seating and things. She planned a big trip for a group of us this past weekend monthsss ago, so we could get the cheapest rates and I've tried helping her as much as I can. I know that the work she put in was probably unappreciated by most so I got together with everyone and got her a gift card and gift to say thanks. She really appreciated because I know she was expecting her work not to be mentioned much. However, while others said they'd chip in on the money for the gifts that didn't really happen. But I guess caterers like us are used to it. After having my ESFP sister for a roommate this past year it will be nice to share space with someone who makes sure she's quiet in the mornings and doesn't take forever in the shower.

ISTJs see where there are immediate needs and they fill them, no questions asked, it's just how we do things. If our small and/or large contributions make a situation easier for others and provide stability then there doesn't seem to be another option for us. It helps us know things are under control and allows us to feel better in general. So while I get frustrated when I feel under appreciated I know that I'd feel equally as frustrated at myself if I didn't do what needed to be done in the first place.

[Qadosh]

For example, I don't want to waste the cashier's time, so I have my method of payment ready when I arrive at the register to check out. I also try very hard to select products that have the UPC clearly displayed or are clearly marked with the correct price when shopping.

Haha I do the same thing. I hate using cash and having to get money and change back then taking extra time after the transaction to put the cash in my wallet and the change in my pocket while she is ringing up the next person and the next person looks at you like so you just walk away and put your cash in your wallet while waking to your vehicle. Yeahhh. This is why I love the invention of the debit card. I avoid that moment.

Never gave that much thought until just now.