ISTJ and INFJ Relationships

**skipper** · 06-01-2010 09:36 AM

Hello, I'm new to Myers-Briggs and my wife is INFJ. From what I read our functions are complete opposite. I want to hear from others what their relationships are like and are there any successful stories out there. How did you achieve it since our types are so different? Unsuccessful stores are welcome too but right now I want some encouragement. I want to learn and truly "get" her because I love her. Thanks.

**NightSkyGirl** · 06-01-2010 09:53 AM

Originally Posted by skipper

I want to learn and truly "get" her because I love her. Thanks.

Unfortunately I don't have any stories(either sucessful or otherwise). But I just wanted to say this made me go "Awwwwwwwwwww!" So sweet! I say she's lucky to have someone who goes through the trouble of trying to understand her.

**niss** · 06-01-2010 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by skipper

Hello, I'm new to Myers-Briggs and my wife is INFJ. From what I read our functions are complete opposite. I want to hear from others what their relationships are like and are there any successful stories out there. How did you achieve it since our types are so different? Unsuccessful stores are welcome too but right now I want some encouragement. I want to learn and truly "get" her because I love her. Thanks.

You need to ask questions and read posts in this forum about how to be a healthier ISTJ. Then go over to the INFJ forum and ask questions of mature INFJs about how to better understand your wife.

FWIW, ISTJs and INFJs are not complete opposites in function, but they do approach problem solving quite differently. With a bit of work, it can be a great relationship.

As an aside, MBTI is just a piece of the puzzle and does not address everything about a person. Character, values, and nurturing experiences from the family of origin, among other things, are not indicated by MBTI.

HTH

Here's a great link for ISTJs.

Here's a great link for INFJs.

**skipper** · 06-02-2010 08:11 PM

Doesn't seem like there are many stories on this. I'm going to do more research and reading on ISTJ before asking this at the INFJ forum. Thanks NightSkyGirl for the encouragement and thanks niss63 for the advice.

**jeejee** · 06-03-2010 02:32 AM

Hi everyone,

I shared the most wonderful last two months of my life with a ISTJ. We took our first trip together abroad and had our first argument. He was so upset that in about 15 minutes or so he decided that our relationship was over and we ended our trip short.

He says that I'm too moody, unpredictable, and verbally violent -- all the ingredients that he doesn't want in a relationship. At the time we broke up I also thought it was a good thing, but it's been a couple of weeks now and I miss him so much that my heart aches. I wrote him telling him how much I regret what's happened, yet he won't even give it a second thought. I find it confusing and cruel that in 15 minutes, his priorities switched from making sure I was happy to completely eradicating any trace of me in his life.

For the past two months, his life revolved around me -- making plans for our dates, looking through cooking books for recipes, then he planned this week long holiday for us. He was planning to introduce me to his friends and parents. Then boom. Just like that, finished, after one incident. I tried to explain that a relationship is actually about resolving our differences and making a step forward together. But he seems very firm in his decision.

Ok -- so for you ISTJs out there...any advice? What can an emotional INFJ who has come to realize a bit too late what she has lost? He cared so much about us and I miss us so much. Perhaps I'll start stalking him soon... What can I do to make him reconsider?

Thanks so much...

**Cleo** · 03-22-2011 09:07 PM

This makes me feel nice. :) I am new on here and have made a lot of threads about an ISTJ. Basically, I like him (a lot) and we can't communicate about it right now. Meanwhile, I am having difficult being able to communicate with him at all out of need for necessity, because I am worried that people can tell I am softer towards him. It looks like it has been a while since you were on here, and I am wondering if you have had success with being able to relate with her better. How sweet...

**skipper** · 03-23-2011 01:35 PM

Hello Cleo, not much update per se since that post I had a while ago. I have been going about it another way, asking God His plan for my life. Yes, MBTI provides a good description of my personality, but it should never be used as a "gauge" to measure what I'm truly made of. I wouldn't admit it back then, but I think I looked at this in a completely wrong way. Perhaps I was also under the influence of my wife who finds a lot of "truth" in this and in fact thinks we are not meant to be together because of our types. I tried to live my life according to it; however, MBTI didn't make me, He did. It is through Him I understand true unconditional love and acceptance, regardless of personalities and other things we treasure in society today. His plan and purpose for my life are far greater than my current troubles and circumstances. Until both my wife and I realize that, we will always be unsatisfied in our marriage because we were seeking worldly standards. I am on a journey to seek His ways, will, truth, and kingdom.

This is probably not what you expect to be a typical answer but it is from my heart. :)

**Arinn** · 03-23-2011 02:07 PM

This is nice, you're christian :). Me too!! Btw how's it going with your wife? If you have troubles relational wise, i sympathize because I know a lot of people who's been in torn marriage for many of years...Recently 2 weeks ago sunday, i had a talk with the preacher and he was so serious about the conflict between him and his wife (He's ENTJ btw, seemed strange how the entire mood changed when i ask him about his wife). <---he talked about how his wife "wants him to listen to her", "doesn't want him to solve her problems", "she doesn't like ambiguity"

You know that even though I'm a christian and I also study a lot of theory, I think I've also learned (like in less than a year) that types should be equally important to the people. What i mean is that there are pairings* that can take the least energy to deal with and then some that take *too much* work to overcome the differences. In marriages with conflict, there's a limit to how long they can stay together based on their maturity/tolerance <--but not many people have much tolerance (reason why there's so much divorce for non-believers).

But similarly, even though we're told to not divorce with our spouses (unless they commit adultery), Christian's can have it way harder if they commit to a marriage that wasn't compatible in the first place. You on the other hand, i believe you can work it out WITH christ and with the knowledge of types. <---but really depends on what kind of knowledge you have on types. Gl with your marriage, keep us posted!!

**Aßbiscuits** · 03-23-2011 02:09 PM

You're not complete opposite. Si and Te are alike because they're Pi and Je.

**Cleo** · 03-23-2011 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by skipper

Hello Cleo, not much update per se since that post I had a while ago. I have been going about it another way, asking God His plan for my life. Yes, MBTI provides a good description of my personality, but it should never be used as a "gauge" to measure what I'm truly made of. I wouldn't admit it back then, but I think I looked at this in a completely wrong way. Perhaps I was also under the influence of my wife who finds a lot of "truth" in this and in fact thinks we are not meant to be together because of our types. I tried to live my life according to it; however, MBTI didn't make me, He did. It is through Him I understand true unconditional love and acceptance, regardless of personalities and other things we treasure in society today. His plan and purpose for my life are far greater than my current troubles and circumstances. Until both my wife and I realize that, we will always be unsatisfied in our marriage because we were seeking worldly standards. I am on a journey to seek His ways, will, truth, and kingdom.

This is probably not what you expect to be a typical answer but it is from my heart. :)

No I totally agree with you and it is tempting to try to handle things ourselves. That is too bad that she feels you two are not meant for each other. It probably would make me feel better to let God take care of it.