[ISTJ] Feeling alone in a crowd of friends/acquaintances

Feeling alone in a crowd of friends/acquaintances

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This is a discussion on Feeling alone in a crowd of friends/acquaintances within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I've heard that this is common for our type, and it's definitely one of my problems as well. I believe ...

  1. #1
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Feeling alone in a crowd of friends/acquaintances

    I've heard that this is common for our type, and it's definitely one of my problems as well.

    I believe that the reason that I feel like this, is because I only get along well with very few people, and when I watch the others in the crowd getting along perfectly, I feel like I'm missing out. For example, I'm having a hard time saying goodbye to people after an event if they aren't someone I get along with - even if I know them decently. It seems like that they don't think I care. Even if I do say goodbye, it's more of an act of them being nice than an actually personal thing.

    This is a pretty influental problem of mine, and it's one of the main things that bring me down. I certainly believe that quality > quantity in terms of friends, but it's hard for me to keep this mindset when I want to get along more people and I can't.

    How do you guys handle this?



  2. #2
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by Flipit View Post
    I've heard that this is common for our type, and it's definitely one of my problems as well.

    I believe that the reason that I feel like this, is because I only get along well with very few people, and when I watch the others in the crowd getting along perfectly, I feel like I'm missing out. For example, I'm having a hard time saying goodbye to people after an event if they aren't someone I get along with - even if I know them decently. It seems like that they don't think I care. Even if I do say goodbye, it's more of an act of them being nice than an actually personal thing.

    This is a pretty influental problem of mine, and it's one of the main things that bring me down. I certainly believe that quality > quantity in terms of friends, but it's hard for me to keep this mindset when I want to get along more people and I can't.

    How do you guys handle this?
    You grow out of it. I felt this pretty commonly when younger, but as I grew older it faded. Now, I can't remember the last time I felt that way...it's been years.
    Flipit thanked this post.

  3. #3
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Hi Flipit!

    At work I have been "forcing" myself to take notice of when people leave/say goodbye and acknowledge them, and also to consciously remember to say goodbye when I leave. Same goes for arriving and saying hello or good morning. Even though I kind of see it as an interruption, with the possibility of having to also make small talk (particularly of a morning).

    I have been making this effort for this current job though as I felt too separated from previous co-workers and this in turn seemed to affect the (potential) working relationship.

    I am hoping that this eventually becomes a habit (of sorts) and comes more "naturally" later on.

    Bye Flipit!
    Flipit thanked this post.

  4. #4
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    This still happens to me. I'd have to agree with Flipit on the few friends thing. I can be afraid that they won't be friends with them anymore. Part of this could be attributed to personal experiences I've had with old friends and the many friends I have lost over the years due to either stupid things I have done (mostly) or what other people have done to me (not much).
    Flipit thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ESTP - The Doers

    So do ya'll have trouble making friends too? I always have, since I can ever remember. Firstly I'm not very approachable, and secondly I don't approach others. When I first started working at target it was hard for me to get to know everyone, now since I have worked there I can approach people and feel less awkward.
    Flipit and Sela thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by SeekJess View Post
    So do ya'll have trouble making friends too? I always have, since I can ever remember. Firstly I'm not very approachable, and secondly I don't approach others. When I first started working at target it was hard for me to get to know everyone, now since I have worked there I can approach people and feel less awkward.
    Yes. Although I'd say it gets easier with age, it is never easy.

  7. #7
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    You grow out of it. I felt this pretty commonly when younger, but as I grew older it faded. Now, I can't remember the last time I felt that way...it's been years.
    That's cool to know - hopefully it won't be too long

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunflower View Post
    Hi Flipit!

    At work I have been "forcing" myself to take notice of when people leave/say goodbye and acknowledge them, and also to consciously remember to say goodbye when I leave. Same goes for arriving and saying hello or good morning. Even though I kind of see it as an interruption, with the possibility of having to also make small talk (particularly of a morning).

    I have been making this effort for this current job though as I felt too separated from previous co-workers and this in turn seemed to affect the (potential) working relationship.

    I am hoping that this eventually becomes a habit (of sorts) and comes more "naturally" later on.

    Bye Flipit!
    Hello Sunflower

    Yeah, I always greet/goodbye at work, because it kind of feels more natural to me there. It's more outside work that it's a concern to me, because then it has to be me, personally, 100% - not me, work-focused and a tad personal. At work I have something obvious in common with my colleagues, while with acquaintances it's harder.

    This still happens to me. I'd have to agree with Flipit on the few friends thing. I can be afraid that they won't be friends with them anymore. Part of this could be attributed to personal experiences I've had with old friends and the many friends I have lost over the years due to either stupid things I have done (mostly) or what other people have done to me (not much).
    I've fought with that kind of fear before as well. However, when I think about it, I shouldn't be the one to try and please everybody else so they like me - it should be mutual. If I'm afraid of losing friends and I actually lose those, we probably weren't meant to be friends anyway.

    So do ya'll have trouble making friends too? I always have, since I can ever remember. Firstly I'm not very approachable, and secondly I don't approach others. When I first started working at target it was hard for me to get to know everyone, now since I have worked there I can approach people and feel less awkward.
    Yeap, I do have trouble making friends. I actually believe that I'm decently approachable initially, but it just takes so long for me to open up to get anywhere further.

    I think that the main reason is that I don't really get small-talking. I can't talk about something that doesn't have an actual meaning, unless I really force myself. Ah well, hopefully I'll meet someone one day who'll do the small-talking for me

  8. #8
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I have trouble making friends that stick. If I try I can easily make people like me. I just always fail at keeping in touch or furthering the relationship. I never feel alone though, not anymore at least. I did when I was depressed because I always thought that no one liked me. Turns out, I'm liked quite well at least by some people, some people think I'm an ass. If I didn't suck so much at making conversation, I could probably make friends more easily.
    Flipit thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers


    Quote Originally Posted by SeekJess View Post
    So do ya'll have trouble making friends too? I always have, since I can ever remember. Firstly I'm not very approachable, and secondly I don't approach others. When I first started working at target it was hard for me to get to know everyone, now since I have worked there I can approach people and feel less awkward.
    i really dont have a inclination to make friends, other than to make it easier to get laid. i have people i'm familliar with in school who i guess you could call friends, but we dont hang out or anything. often when i try to make friends i scare people away. it just seems uneccessary.

  10. #10
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by Flipit View Post
    Yeah, I always greet/goodbye at work, because it kind of feels more natural to me there. It's more outside work that it's a concern to me, because then it has to be me, personally, 100% - not me, work-focused and a tad personal. At work I have something obvious in common with my colleagues, while with acquaintances it's harder.
    I've not thought about it being a work-focused me and the "real" me... then again, I don't have a social life - so I'm one step behind you on that side of things.

    hmmmmmmmm... probably more than one step actually...
    Flipit and niss thanked this post.


 
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