[ISTJ] how do you fight against control freak

how do you fight against control freak

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This is a discussion on how do you fight against control freak within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; My case: I am really suffered from the two female control freak. Well, i know that ISTJ will just stay ...

  1. #1
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    how do you fight against control freak

    My case: I am really suffered from the two female control freak.
    Well, i know that ISTJ will just stay away from them normally, but...
    the problem is they are my sister and my mother, how can i escape?

    Please give some advice.



  2. #2
    Unknown Personality

    If they are an NT, type 8, you don't... you just give in.

  3. #3
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by fn0rd View Post
    If they are an NT, type 8, you don't... you just give in.
    i am so sure that my sister is NT...
    well, my mom ...erm.. i get 85% sure only

  4. #4
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Well... Control freaks behave the way they are because of anxiety. They usually are so afraid of failures that they plan for everything in advance. If anything goes out of their agenda, they will freak out.

    If one could just convince them that nothing wrong will happen if things fall out of their schedules, then he/she has successfully cut off the cycle. (Of course this is almost impossible to take place in reality)

    Found few tips to deal with CF:

    1. Stay as calm as you can. If you stay calm and focused, this often has the effect of relaxing them as well. If you get agitated you have joined the battle on their terms
    2. Speak very slowly. If not, it will only draw you into the emotional turmoil and you will quickly be personalizing what is occurring.
    3. Be very patient. Control freaks need to feel heard. If you just listen carefully and ask good questions that indicate that you have heard them, then they will quickly resolve whatever the issue is and calmly move on.
    4. Pay attention to your induced reactions.What is this person trying to emotionally induce in you?
    5. Initially, let them control the agenda. But you control the pacing.
    6. Treat them with kindness. If you treat them with respect and kindness, their paranoia cannot take root. You will jam them up.
    7. Make demands on them.By asking something of them, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns.
    8. Remember an old but poignant Maxim: “Those who demand the most often give the least.”

    I have ever read that humour can be a very good tool here.
    Try to make your point that they are being very controlling in jokes. Depends on the individual, jokes like: "okay, your highness.... you're the queen of my world" will strike them and make them realize what they have done without creating more tense.
    Hope that I helped a bit.
    Linnifae, Sunflower, joyandblues and 1 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by setter View Post
    My case: I am really suffered from the two female control freak.
    Well, i know that ISTJ will just stay away from them normally, but...
    the problem is they are my sister and my mother, how can i escape?

    Please give some advice.
    Escape??? Take control of the situation.

    Having them as relatives complicates things and you probably have to treat them with kid gloves to an extent, but I would think your personality would be the strongest in the mix. Put your foot down and make it known you're not going to let them dictate what goes on. Set limits.

    They'll probably be shocked and try you, but stand your ground. They'll get the message and appreciate you for it later. And you will feel sooo much better.

    Of course, my advise is only based on being a control freak myself and may not be applicable in this or any other real life situation.

  6. #6
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers


    Quote Originally Posted by setter View Post
    My case: I am really suffered from the two female control freak.
    Well, i know that ISTJ will just stay away from them normally, but...
    the problem is they are my sister and my mother, how can i escape?

    Please give some advice.
    lash out.



    .

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    most people who could be classified as "control freaks" tend to use illogical thought processes just to be right and maintain control over someone.

    you just have to let them know that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. they're biggest hold on you is the mental fear they put into you as a sort of mental blackmail.
    indyjones16 thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ISFP - The Artists

    sheesh...my Stepdad is INTJ and a HUGE control freak! I am so glad to be in college and way from him. Didnt know how bad it was until I went away for a while and came back. you have to do what he says, when he says so, and not make any comment otherwise! In his mind, we didnt have to love him, but we sure as hell had better obey him!!

    I mostly just tried to play be his "rules" (which he would sometimes change, not tell us about the change, then yell at us when we didnt follow his new rule)

    Now I just avoid alot of contact with him when Im at home, but keep it short and sweet (literally...think harmless bunny) in order to not draw attention to myself. and do what he says when he says it and try not to say anything otherwise! I got me head bitten off once trying to figure out some finer details of the task he assigned me once. got screamed at (no Im not exagerating, he really did explode at me) in a sudden blast. he was quietly giving me an order one second and when I quipped up, pummled me..

    I did try to stand up to him once, but seeing as he has control of all my things and my beloved bird...i decided to shut up and not do it again. I was going to college in a few months and knew I could get away from him there.

    I dont really know how to help you out. I dont know your particular control freaks and how to deal with them. With my control freak, i focused on avoidance of attention and just going along with what they say so I dont get in trouble

    OWL
    indyjones16 thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Well...
    As far as my experience has gone through... No matter how irrational and pointless the sermon is, arguing will just cause more tension. Better to just zip it and just walk away...
    TJP3, MilkyWay132 and indyjones16 thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Distance always works. Even when dealing with family.
    PJay and indyjones16 thanked this post.


 

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