[ISTJ] ISTJ Men: What Attracts You? - Page 4

ISTJ Men: What Attracts You?

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This is a discussion on ISTJ Men: What Attracts You? within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I am married to an ENFP. Hard to get much more emotional or expressive than that! Be sensible, sensitive to ...

  1. #31
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    I am married to an ENFP. Hard to get much more emotional or expressive than that!

    Be sensible, sensitive to moods, and genuinely caring and this ISTJ will be in heaven.

    Excessive drama, prattling, or materialism and I'm heading for the door.

  2. #32
    Unknown Personality

    Being an INTJ female, this is an interesting subject to me....as when I was younger I too was attracted to ESxx men for whatever reason. I think because they were 'shiney' and caught my attention. I found them exciting and loved how they would come and 'dig me out' of where I would be at any given time.

    Over time they wore me down, completely. I found we did not share the same needs nor desires. At least not the same perception of these things. I felt like I was on a roller coaster I couldnt get off of........

    The internet opened my eyes to introverts. I very much enjoy them, we have a lot of the same needs...no matter what we want. So, in real life...it makes me understand the quiet one in the corner is probably worth 'digging out'. :)
    4everCharmed and Female INFJ thanked this post.

  3. #33
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    wittiness. Someone who can match my wits.
    Briggs, Female INFJ and cdeuterian thanked this post.

  4. #34
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Caius20 View Post
    ...I can only speak for myself, but I am looking for only one woman, yes. However, I have absolutely no problem 'dating' multiple women at once as long as I tell all of those involved, and they are okay with it. As I said before, it's very hard to break through to my emotional side. And, I realize that when I do let someone into that part of my heart, I won't be able to love someone again for a very long time. My high school sweet heart, if she showed up again today, I would be very hard pressed to boot her out of my life again. I am not forgiving of people, until they get into my emotional side. Once you are there, you are there for life essentially. May you be a friend, or lover, once you get into my emotional side, I will do anything and everything for you, bar nothing. And knowing that, I have a VERY strong wall to crack to get to that level... It's protection.


    Well, I really, really, hate it when women ACT stupid in public, when I know they are intelligent. It's a deal breaker because it's almost like lying. If you aren't strong enough to be yourself in public, why would you be yourself with me? This ties in with the above paragraph... Trust is huge for me. I have to know I can trust people before I "let them in".

    I have no idea if I can, but I suspect that I can't, at least not fully. I get drained by the emotional stuff too quickly. I usually just end up putting up with it for her benefit because I love her. And it somehow translates into me being called a cold hearted asshole. haha. Also, the women in my life tend to become emotional with me way before I am ready to get emotional with them... and then there is a total disconnect. If I am given my time to become emotionally attached to them, I am sure I can emotionally satisfy more, but, that hasn't been the case in the recent past. I've been in my dating stage. I doubt I can be fulfilling to them in that stage.
    Caius20 - i'm really liking the responses in here. about people acting stupid in public. this is good that you can notice an "act" i think people often fall for external "acts" or even worse, they, because they like a girl or whatever, they'll just accept the "act" because they want to get closer to the person. i think people "act" in many ways to get results of various kinds, and this is a good way of looking at things, because when you get a person closer to you, most of the time they are not real, and may not be what was expected, usually in a bad way.

    are you upfront that you are in "dating stage"? or do you act all cute and romantic, to get an emotional girl, and then she is disappointed when you don't respond in an emotional manner? just curious.

    i don't mind guys who date a lot, i think this is a good thing...i think overly sensitive men sit around waiting for "the one" and it's annoying. and hard to compete with a man's mind and his vision of the ideal girl he has in his mind, especially if it is of a girl he had in a past relationship.

    however i always date these asshole types, and i have found that i lack patience, there is some emotional connection, but i usually leave them when they are just starting to open up...maybe i should stick around a little longer with a guy like that, to see what happens (:

    Quote Originally Posted by Marcus2x2 View Post
    To be honest yes, I am idealistic, looking for that "one" woman. I'm rather cautious and very rarely date (which is probably counter productive). Forgiving? Depends on what happened and who committed the "trespass". I find it very difficult to forgive breaches in trust, it will just result in me taking steps back and becoming defensive (e.g. I have been asked when I have done this if "Are you all right? You seem distant..." I just thought to myself, "of course I am you snake in the grass! I'm pondering how to proceed with you from here!"). Also, if I have admitted or spilled my guts as it were, as to what I believe to be some of my weaknesses, and they are used for mock or ridicule, or used against me in an argument, I find that intolerable, almost unforgivable, as harsh as that may sound. Other than those two things, if I really care about the person, I'll probably "go soft" and forgive them, especially given time. If someone shows contrition and/or apologises, I most probably will forgive them as well.

    Thankfully most of the women I have been involved with wore outfits that were hardly objectionable. The strangest things been their attitudes on certain matters that made me raise red flags in my mind. One memorable one being that person x in response to a story I was telling her about someone I fancied in the past (that I never asked out because I felt I shouldn't and later realised she already had a bf) more or less stated in reply, that I should've have approached her anyhow as person x feels that if she was approached by someone who they thought was better than their current bf, they'd jump ship! Well to me that was startling, appalling!! I would never do that! And to think I was involved with someone who did disturbed me greatly. I must be very old fashioned lol...
    Marcus2x2 - thank you for your lovely response, i am getting to know ISTJ. wow, literal! hehehe i meant by "forgiving" in relation to the concept of idealism, i'm wondering if you guys are "head in the clouds type" and if you can realize that your dream woman may not be exactly as you think she is, or for example, if you only look for brunettes, if you can spot still your ideal woman, even if she turns out to be blond for example. i was curious to find out how delusional an ISTJ is, and how broad their mind is when looking for a partner...that is what i was getting at (:
    because i don't like delusional men, but you all don't seem to be that way.

    but so happy that my ambiguous question has lead to more learning about ISTJ (:

    i also like that you added the point about people who use private information to insult/hurt another person, this is the sign of mentally unstable, and usually the ploy of overly emotional types, i've had lots of dealings with emotional men who do this, it's ugly, and i don't think a good way to be.

    response about the situation where you wouldn't approach a girl who has a partner - good answer (: there is this annoying NF person that occasionally posts, that dates people who are in relationships with others, i'm like, what's the point of that? i'm not saying you don't say anything...but in most cases common sense should be applied before you swoop in and steal a woman. there is no black and white, but erring on the side of caution here is wise, because you don't want a woman, that is going to leave you for another man, as they did to their previous bf for you...i get your point (:

    i like old fashioned type people, it is nice to see some people with a little class at a young age.

    Quote Originally Posted by jitte View Post
    It seems lke I've always been attracted to the wrong type woman, but I was usually just looking for sex. I married three of them though and divorced all 3.

    Honesty and fidelity are what I would be attracted to now. Submissive to an extent.

    Not that I would dominate her, but I think it's my place to run and take care of things in a marriage. If we do things my way and it goes to hell, then it's nobody's fault but mine.

    That said, when my last wife couldn't walk without her knee hurting her when she needed a replacement, I did all the housework except fold clothes after I washed them, she could do that sitting down, and wash dishes after I cooked. Her or the kid would have to do that. She never opened the car door to get in when we went someplace as long as we were married either, I always opened doors for her and treated her like a queen.

    Things just didn't work out, and never have for me in relationships. I've decided I'm no good at them and will probably live alone the rest of my life.

    jitte
    - i like your personality a lot, perhaps similar types are drawn together. i too feel that i'll never have a proper relationship! but maybe a balance is required, instead of doing it all for your woman, perhaps sharing might be more better for you, basically if something is not working, then you'll have to try something else, from a different angle? just a suggestion. you are likely a nice person, maybe being a little dramatic? my sister is ISTJ and always has relationships on the go, whereas i never have one - yet she is always groaning and complaining. i think she secretly feels good about herself, and just likes to complain...but then that is just my understanding of things, not saying you are like this. i think the first sentence of your quote really may get you deeper into what is going on in your life...

    hmm...submissive to an extent, and likes to be treated like a queen... where can i sign up! tee hee

  5. #35
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by Female INFJ View Post
    Marcus2x2 - thank you for your lovely response, i am getting to know ISTJ. wow, literal! hehehe i meant by "forgiving" in relation to the concept of idealism, i'm wondering if you guys are "head in the clouds type" and if you can realize that your dream woman may not be exactly as you think she is, or for example, if you only look for brunettes, if you can spot still your ideal woman, even if she turns out to be blond for example. i was curious to find out how delusional an ISTJ is, and how broad their mind is when looking for a partner...that is what i was getting at (:
    because i don't like delusional men, but you all don't seem to be that way.

    but so happy that my ambiguous question has lead to more learning about ISTJ (:
    Ooops! To be honest, the "head in the clouds" mentality is probably exacerbated (where/when it exists) when someone is not really participating regularly "in the game". Therefore, expectations can become somewhat incongruent with reality. I think ISTJ's while looking for someone ideal, once dating, probably would become more realistic (if they weren't already) about expectations. I think if they came accross someone who doesn't necessarily "tick all the boxes" however they make them happy and feel loved, then, as a usually level-headed personality type, (I would hope) they would recalobrate and realise that some of those pre-conceived notions were based on nothing of substance! I certainly found that to be my experience...

    Quote Originally Posted by Female INFJ View Post
    i also like that you added the point about people who use private information to insult/hurt another person, this is the sign of mentally unstable, and usually the ploy of overly emotional types, i've had lots of dealings with emotional men who do this, it's ugly, and i don't think a good way to be.
    I actually was a victim of this at the hands of a friend of mine, who was an introvert - I agree it is ugly and insufferable in my view.

    Quote Originally Posted by Female INFJ View Post
    response about the situation where you wouldn't approach a girl who has a partner - good answer (: there is this annoying NF person that occasionally posts, that dates people who are in relationships with others, i'm like, what's the point of that? i'm not saying you don't say anything...but in most cases common sense should be applied before you swoop in and steal a woman. there is no black and white, but erring on the side of caution here is wise, because you don't want a woman, that is going to leave you for another man, as they did to their previous bf for you...i get your point (:
    There is indeed no black and white in realtionships lol. And as an ISTJ, who likes logic and order, I find that rather taxing! The woman in question didn't leave her bf for me, but someone who is cavalier (in principle) about jumping ship for someone seemingly better while allegedly committed to someone else I thought was repugnant.

    Quote Originally Posted by Female INFJ View Post
    i like old fashioned type people, it is nice to see some people with a little class at a young age.
    *Tips Top hat*
    Female INFJ and Arutha28 thanked this post.

  6. #36
    INFJ - The Protectors

    YAY! ISTJ Men, bring on "the game" hahaha

    I think I like you (:

  7. #37
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    ^
    Everyone, in different personalities, says that here in the forums.

    I'm wondering why outside the virtual world, we don't get that much attention.
    Female INFJ and niss thanked this post.

  8. #38
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by marlborored View Post
    Girls who don't kick my ass in the only few things I'm good at.. LOL!
    god that's such an ISTJ thing to say. my boyfriend would say exactly that.

  9. #39
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by marlborored View Post
    ^
    Everyone, in different personalities, says that here in the forums.

    I'm wondering why outside the virtual world, we don't get that much attention.
    We present ourselves well in this medium. No so much in the arena of everyday life.
    Female INFJ and Arutha28 thanked this post.

  10. #40
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by niss63 View Post
    We present ourselves well in this medium. No so much in the arena of everyday life.
    That's my guess as well. IRL, you seem totally unapproachable, so I don't bother because I am sesitive and prone to over-analysis.
    4everCharmed, Female INFJ, marlborored and 1 others thanked this post.


 
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