I'm curious to know their enneagram types. She sounds 9-ish in a way.I read something about this pairing that described it as "the irresistible force vs. the immovable object". I was crushed in between these forces as my parents were both ISTJs.
There was constant conflict, neither understanding how the other could possibly have an alternate opinion or way of doing things or different priorities. Some of the conflict was overt, a lot ended up being passive aggressive undermining each other, especially my mom was very passive aggressive. They had a very traditional household and value system so Dad was unquestionable head of household and Mom was expected to basically serve and obey, which she seemed comfortable with in theory, except when she could never get her priorities heard I got the sense that her spirit was being oh so slowly and steadily crushed, strangled, smothered, and blotted out. She almost never showed any emotion (except for bursts of "Just do it! Now! Because I said so!" type anger usually at my younger sister) but my sister and I have both accidentally caught her silently crying and whispering "I hate my life".
My parents stayed together because of their traditional values and what I consider a very misguided sense of loyalty. I think everyone would have been better off if they divorced. I know for a fact in his own words that my father resented my mother more than any person in his life shortly before he died. They disagreed on the best course of action for his terminal disease, and her way of caring was to try with all her might to get him to do the "right" course of action, and he despised her for it. And he needed her, and needed validation from her, but couldn't communicate that in any positive way. I have never seen two people more loyal and caring to each other in such a bizarre and destructive way.
Sorry to be so depressing.