[sparkytheenfp]

Hi there,
Apologies for the long post but I would really appreciate some feedback please (asks nicely) just some background first..
Iv been dating my istj for over 3 years now, we met when he was studying his masters here in melbourne and then his visa expired so he had to go back home to Paris, we had at least established a 10 month relationship before he left, so anyway I moved closer to london to be near him and we were back and forth every 2 months, i met his family etc and travelled and worked in london, then my visa expired so I had to come home after a year and a half of being away :( He unfortunately (probably thanks to spending too much time with me) failed the masters he was studying in melbourne by 1 point and was determined to pass the subject he failed, but in order to pass again he had to do another masters in Paris. I was annoyed at this because he said he would eventually move to be with me in london but instead he decided to study and do this course so he could get the masters he failed. He always said he was going to move to australia anyway so for me not to worry. So I left to come home thinking his move wouldnt be far off and when he finished his studies he would get his visa and come here (although I didnt anticipate how hard getting a residency visa would be..thanks god he finished his melbourne uni masters otherwise it would make things near impossible to get a visa to move here) Luckily also his job in a bank survived the crisis so he had gained some credible experience and lots of $$ to pay off the huge loan he had for studies.
Now its crunch time after not seeing eachother for a year and he is beginning the visa process as his certificate from melbourne uni arrived so he (finally) has passed not one but 2 masters!
My only qualm is that he doesnt intend to visit and he doesnt want me to visit him during the time he applies and gets here (the process could take up to another year!) I said he could stay at my house during his stay and he didnt like that idea, then i said if i visited I could save etc, he didnt like that idea either (cant stay with him and his family as they are muslims) he thought it would be limiting quality time together and he wouldnt let me pay for the whole trip and accomodation alone. He said he is coming soon and it will be better to save our money until we are together again.. I dont understand it makes me feel like Im not wanted or needed..I never feel he is cheating on me or anything and I know all his friends and family so nothing is being hidden from me..I communicate with him almost everyday and we webcam on weekends..my intuition alone would tell me anyway if something was up..
My only conculsion is its the way he is, for example; we got invited to paraguay for his friends wedding and he didnt say no straight away so I got a little excited thinking we could meet in paraguay for the wedding, he came back to me however and straight out said, babe im not going to paraguay the flights cost more than I thought and Id rather save to move to australia..I asked why he couldnt be more spontaneous and that I would spend the money just to see him and he said that is not how I am, I need to plan things first..Geez how much planning do you need I screamed in my head!!??
lt upsets me especially when friends ask why we havent visited eachother at least once..any ISTJ understand this mindsetl or am I alone..? Advice appreciated.

[Flipit]

To me it sounds like he just needs a little room. You said you communicate with him every day - is he also taking initiative or is it solely you? If you both are, the communication alone might be enough for him; we ISTJs aren't that feeling oriented. That he says you shouldn't visit him for that long might be another story, though. Maybe he thinks you're being too pushy? If he's not ready to move on in the relationship or isn't sure about it, he'd probably try to isolate himself. If he's still taking initiative to contact you, I don't think there's much to worry about - he just needs time.

Cancelling an expensive flight sounds like something an ISTJ would do. We're fairly considerate with our money, and if an insignificant event hinders our goals, it's not that hard to skip it. That he didn't decline immediately doesn't mean much - I'm not very blunt with accepting/declining invitations myself.

You're an ENFP; his opposite. Many of his personality traits you consider outrageous are actually pretty normal - he doesn't sound out of the ordinary at all. You just have to learn to deal with your differences - they can be both a blessing and a curse.

[sparkytheenfp]

He initiates pretty much all contact, Iv actually not had to pick up the phone very much throughout this LDR.
He knows Im frustrated as when we spoke last night he asked what I didnt like about him and I said that he was too cautious and not spontaneous enough like with visiting me and all he said was, 'yes I can understand how you think that', that was it.. no more added!? Confusing for an enfp.
I remember when he was leaving australia and my friend and I decided we'd leave for london spontaneously in 6 weeks so I could move closer to Paris. He got angry that I hadn't planned my trip, money or job so I realise we are complete opposites..
I just feel like he puts off big decisions (even though this decision has been made up and he is steadily working towards it..very istj) he has included me in on his emails to his migration agency and university so its not like he isn't coming, its just that he seems content to wait whereas a visit at least once (even if it will cost alot) would be worth the money for me.