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This is a discussion on What makes you feel loved/cared for? within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady I know I am loved because today my hubs didn't abandon me in a crowd full ...
when I see what makes u feel loved and what makes an NF like me feel loved is interesting and funny at the same time , we really are different :-) it is really important to know those things in order to know how to fulfill your patner and even friends ..For exemple I am always late lol and I never thought much of it, I understand when people are late too but now if I am seing a ISTJ , I will know that it is important for you and pay attention to it , and about the personnal space, I would probably worry if my partner gave me a lot of space and feel more secured if he does not although I might eventualy suffocate , my trheshold will be much higher before it gets too much, fascinating really :-)
What it does mean, is you can communicate. Say "hey, I end up feeling a bit insecure when I don't hear from you as much. When you need space please think about letting me know it isn't me." That's it. Simple.
Idk, do ENFP use Fi as a cognitive function? I use Fi, so I don't really LIKE tons of the relationship emotion talk. I am like you in needing affirmation but it doesn't have to be verbal, and verbal can make me a bit skittish actually. Maybe if you date an ISTJ try to pay more attention to the actions as your source of affirmation - and definitely let them know fairly early on that you need that affirmation much more often than they think is necessary because your minds work differently. If you tell them what you need and they like you they will do it.
I think just as you don't take criticism well, if you go to an ISTJ frustrated because your needs aren't being met - but you don't balance it out with verbal recognition for the insane amount of effort he is putting in - then he's going to have that same kind of reaction you have when you get criticized. Feedback sandwich FTW!
@niss Thanks for your reply. I understand what you are saying about the appreciation and cuddles being more important. I guess I was posing the question more broadly - not everyone is punctual or honors space boundaries. I was thinking if someone does those things then it might be a sign that they care for you - like even friends, or parents, or coworkers, not necessarily an SO.
definetely well said and good advices :-)
When I cannot go to things I now make a special effort to say why. I say "thanks, cannot make it" and usually an explanation - even if it's a simple "I'm wiped out and need to recharge".
For instance, Tuesdays and Thursdays some friends often go to the movies at 6pm or 6:30pm. At one point I was very clear and told them: "I would like to, however my Tuesdays and Thursdays are Gym nights. While I would like to go to the movies, my gym doesn't even end until 6:30pm - skipping it isn't an option because I have a personal trainer hired for that time-slot. I can do later times with no problems, or on other days. Sucks, that's just the way it is." And they're fine with that, because I've given them a very good reason as to why.
Anyway, bit of a rambling example, hope it makes sense.
to me it will be people who fail to give me positive affirmations and take into accound my feelings in thier speech ...I think that the best strategy to take , whatever our personnality type is to let our partner know , tell them straight what upset u and what make you feel cared for ...as otherwize , we may miss the train...I would certainely pay attention not to be late if I knew that it meant significantely for my partner .