[sparkles]

No blame here - it is hard to keep inviting someone that usually doesn't accept - but - The thought really does count even if ISTJ doesn't show it.

Interesting to hear this means something to you. I would assume if someone declines to participate 4-5 times in a row, they don't care about it at all.



It is not easy to know what you appreciate when you don't always show it ;)

[Karen2011]

Interesting to hear this means something to you. I would assume if someone declines to participate 4-5 times in a row, they don't care about it at all.

It is not easy to know what you appreciate when you don't always show it ;)

For me people who let me know I`m welcome and they would love it if I`d show up at their party is nicer than people who stop inviting but I`m talking about friends,neighbors and people I know very well. I know that is a little strange but I like knowing they want me there even if I`m uncomfortable and don`t want to go. I mean I kinda Want to go but would rather stay home and play in the garden than sit somewhere drinking tea listening to 4 or 5 people talking at once yet I want my buddy to know I`m still there for them but please understand it is the crowd that repels me.

[sparkles]

I know that is a little strange but I like knowing they want me there even if I`m uncomfortable and don`t want to go.

It isn't strange, but if I can be frank it is annoying sometimes when I have friends who do this. Because of reciprocity (or my preference for reciprocity and the lack of it I feel in these situations). I also want to know someone wants me there, and if I am the only one showing them this, it feels really one-sided. And that annoys me because it makes me feel like I am the only one doing any work to maintain the relationship.

If I get a clear sense that my friend enjoys having me in her life (based on how I process information), then I will go that extra mile. But if I do not get that evidence I will feel like she doesn't really want to spend any time together and I am likely to withdraw.

I have one friend who is like that, and I stopped trying so much, but then she reached out so I knew she really wanted to have me in her life. For whatever reason I can't stand feeling like the only one who makes any effort, and with my introverted friends this can be an issue because their experience is probably that they are making an effort, but much of it stays internal so I can only go by what I see and hear.

I am not directing this at you, Karen2011 - I have just dealt with that dynamic before and it really gets on my nerves if it seems unbalanced to me. This isn't meant to be personal to you. In fact, I bet we'd be good friends irl.

tl; dr It isn't strange, and I'm the same way. I like knowing when someone wants me around. And I get frustrated sometimes when I don't feel that from them.

[Karen2011]

It isn't strange, but if I can be frank it is annoying sometimes when I have friends who do this. Because of reciprocity (or my preference for reciprocity and the lack of it I feel in these situations). I also want to know someone wants me there, and if I am the only one showing them this, it feels really one-sided. And that annoys me because it makes me feel like I am the only one doing any work to maintain the relationship.

If I get a clear sense that my friend enjoys having me in her life (based on how I process information), then I will go that extra mile. But if I do not get that evidence I will feel like she doesn't really want to spend any time together and I am likely to withdraw.

I have one friend who is like that, and I stopped trying so much, but then she reached out so I knew she really wanted to have me in her life. For whatever reason I can't stand feeling like the only one who makes any effort, and with my introverted friends this can be an issue because their experience is probably that they are making an effort, but much of it stays internal so I can only go by what I see and hear.

I am not directing this at you, Karen2011 - I have just dealt with that dynamic before and it really gets on my nerves if it seems unbalanced to me. This isn't meant to be personal to you. In fact, I bet we'd be good friends irl.

tl; dr It isn't strange, and I'm the same way. I like knowing when someone wants me around. And I get frustrated sometimes when I don't feel that from them.

I get the gist of what you are saying. It isn`t too much to ask for some reciprocation to take place!

I`m a very low key person but if I`m your friend then I am for life. Even if someone scratches me off the list for a while they seem to come back to me. I may not be full of fun and adventure All The Time but I`m there.

[Devalight]

Interesting to hear this means something to you. I would assume if someone declines to participate 4-5 times in a row, they don't care about it at all.

It is not easy to know what you appreciate when you don't always show it ;)

Yes, it is interesting, and it is also true. I am mainly thinking about people I already know well.

I do understand the difficulties, but it shows me that the person really cares if they continue to invite me. Also I am thinking that I have accepted an invitation or two - not continually declining. It really shows you cared to think about me to invite me.

It is also really helpful that if I do ask for a favor, as my friend you don't hesitate or hem and haw and get all reluctant before saying you will help me. Example - say my car broke down and I needed a ride - I am talking about simple stuff.

[sparkles]

@Devalight I understand what you're saying. I like to be invited to things too even if I decline. I understand wanting to have a friend come through on a favor. I don't ask others for much but if I am really in a bad spot I reach out to the ones I can rely on.

[CrazyCatLady]

I know I am loved because today my hubs didn't abandon me in a crowd full of strangers to talk with people he already knew. I don't think of myself as shy. I am reserved. When he wanted to go mingle he took me with him.

That's love baby. I have always believed he could be a politician because he can work a room for of people. It's truly a thing of art when he's on a roll.

[France Petre]

What makes me ENFP feel loved
- being valued and complimented and reinforced on my choices , achievements.
- being told "I love u"and other sweet names lol
- being defended and protected in front of others if they put me down.
- being his first priority
- sharing intimate jokes or "languages"/expressions that only us too can understand in public
- feeling desired sexualy
- presents and if he plans romantic moments such as going to a fancy dinner , ...
- be there when I am hurt or upset
-

[France Petre]

and that goes both ways of course .

[niss]

@sparkles -

I agree with the others that you have put together a good list and that this is a good discussion for understanding ISTJs, but what makes me feel loved or cared for? Only 4 (especially the last six words) and 6 (for SWMBO). Outside of those two, the others are what everyone does for everyone. I mean, you do if you want to avoid tension and arguments. *shrugs*

1) Be on time.
2) Give you enough personal space.
3) Don't question your integrity.
4) Be clear in communicating appreciation for what you do, without laying it on too thick.
5) Let you adjust to new things at your own pace.
6) Cuddle with you (n/a for some types of relationships).
7) Give you clear expectations.