ISTJ: Relationship Resolution

Here is the ISTJ way. You will see the many and varied personality traits that ISTJs naturally show as they relate to others. If you are an ISTJ let this self-knowledge help and guide you in your marriage and family life. If you are in relationship with an ISTJ allow the wonder of what you learn here to guide your understanding of and responses to how ISTJs behave.



Myers-Briggs “Compatibility Test” Results - ISTJ Personality Traits
• The ISTJ is dependable and unwavering, which can be a source of security and stability to a partner.
• ISTJ is practical and committed to the relationship/person and the ISTJ will expect their mate/partner to be also. Did you see that? Expecting others to be practical, dependable, security minded and consistent is a NATURAL and AUTOMATIC ISTJ response.
• Are very traditional in all they do. If you are not an ISTJ…Don’t forget the anniversary, birthday, graduation…whatever!!! Not a good idea.
• ISTJ will tend to be more a disciplinarian with children than some others.
• The ISTJ will tend to tell you what to do and how to do it. It is natural; it is the ISTJ duty, if you will.
• ISTJ will continually seek security, be concerned with it, may never really think that they’ve found it.
• ISTJ will play the role they are supposed to play, they will do what is traditional, practical, realistic and expected whether it is the lover, father, disciplinarian, etc.
• ISTJ will Love you by doing practical things. If you ask them if they love you don’t be surprised if they say something like “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t”…they won’t say “I love you” as easily/naturally because the “pragmatically” do their love….they do mean it though.
• Typically ISTJ does not want to waste time with recreation and play unless it fulfills some pragmatic purpose. (Getting exercise, eating, etc.)
• If attracted to an opposite personality type (happens a lot) ISTJ will move forward with the relationship planning to change them later. (into a version of themselves)
• ISTJ will be naturally less able to express and understand feeling and emotions as well as other types. The ISTJ can and does separate things from feelings naturally and may be irritated by others who can’t/won’t.
• ISTJ will enjoy order in the home, furnishing, style and won’t appreciate frequent changes in these things.
• The ISTJ will probably give more consideration and notice to their job than their spouse.

On the Personality & Marriage section of this site the statement was made to the effect that all relationships will encounter conflict. It is part of being human. How we experience conflict, react to it and move to solve it are instinctive. So we have some power and control in a conflict situation, at least some of the time. The following personality traits are keys to understanding the ISTJ approach to conflict in relationships/marriage.

ISTJ Conflict Reactions Personality Traits
• Instinctive to confront the conflict
• Will react to the conflict directly, straightforwardly, impartially, and at first anyway, dispassionately
• Naturally prone toward inpatients with the conflict, will desire to solve it as soon as possible
• Take the most logical approach to finding the solution
• Will view “conflict” as a normal, accepted part of life
• Will take a realistic, no-nonsense, in-the-moment approach to it

ISTJ Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits
• Direct and purposeful action
• Use logic to solve the problem
• Decide quickly
• Move on the decision quickly

ISTJ Likely Positive Solutions Will Be:
• Realistic, in-the now
• Logical
• Practical and pragmatic
• Feasible
• Well-organized
• Results-focused

ISTJ Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities
• Probably will not affirm someone else’s feelings and emotions in a conflict
• Tendency to direct, order and not listen
• Will not view the alternatives, the options as quickly as others
• May unilaterally decide upon a solution and run the risk of alienating others
• Will naturally critique things not meeting their standards
• Will be less likely to indicate thanks and appreciation
• Strong tendency to fix a problem rather than simply listen

[Source]