[anthracin]

This is my first post, though I have read a lot on this website about ISFPs. It helps me understand an ISFP colleague. I have grown very fond of him after knowing him for a year. But I battle to understand his intentions and actions.

My concern is whether I should tell him about my feelings (I read that ISFPs will never make the first move), but I worry that it might ruin our colleague relationship. But if I don't get some certainty, the agony worsens by the day...

[anthracin]

My long story (thank you for reading on)
When I met him he didn't look at me, he didn't tell me his name even though I tried to speak to him. He's always just so quietly working away, that made me want to chat to him. Sometimes he work outdoors and eats lunch at 5pm, which I show concern about. He is better with meal management now, not sure the real reason.

In the beginning he would laugh at my jokes and reply, which encouraged me to talk to him more. Sometimes (usually a day after I gone out of the way to help him with something) he would approach me and talk passionately about work.

Then 6 months ago a new female colleague (ESFJ) joined, she likes to talk to the ISFP and they get along. They talk about daily stuff, cameras, school, past experiences... Sensing topics, which aren't really my thing (being Intuitive). She seems closer to him than me to him even though I've known him longer.

Two months ago for about a week he was very cold to me, and I took it as him being interested in the ESFJ. I thought I made him angry for some reason, so I wrote him an apology letter, in it I mentioned he gives me motivation to work hard. When I gave it to him he said he wasn't angry at me and that we're friends. After that, I've stopped going up to him so often.

Recently, he's back to normal with me, although I don't joke with him anymore. He jokes with me though.

[umbrellasky]

My long story (thank you for reading on)
When I met him he didn't look at me, he didn't tell me his name even though I tried to speak to him. He's always just so quietly working away, that made me want to chat to him. Sometimes he work outdoors and eats lunch at 5pm, which I show concern about. He is better with meal management now, not sure the real reason.

In the beginning he would laugh at my jokes and reply, which encouraged me to talk to him more. Sometimes (usually a day after I gone out of the way to help him with something) he would approach me and talk passionately about work.

Then 6 months ago a new female colleague (ESFJ) joined, she likes to talk to the ISFP and they get along. They talk about daily stuff, cameras, school, past experiences... Sensing topics, which aren't really my thing (being Intuitive). She seems closer to him than me to him even though I've known him longer.

Two months ago for about a week he was very cold to me, and I took it as him being interested in the ESFJ. I thought I made him angry for some reason, so I wrote him an apology letter, in it I mentioned he gives me motivation to work hard. When I gave it to him he said he wasn't angry at me and that we're friends. After that, I've stopped going up to him so often.

Recently, he's back to normal with me, although I don't joke with him anymore. He jokes with me though.

Have you been out on a date or anything? Or hung out with each other outside of work? If not, then ask him out :-)

[hornet]

This is my first post, though I have read a lot on this website about ISFPs. It helps me understand an ISFP colleague. I have grown very fond of him after knowing him for a year. But I battle to understand his intentions and actions.

My concern is whether I should tell him about my feelings (I read that ISFPs will never make the first move), but I worry that it might ruin our colleague relationship. But if I don't get some certainty, the agony worsens by the day...

Having an affair at work is generally not a good idea. However I'm not laying down any laws.
It's your life and your workplace. ;-)
You have to get clear on what you want.

Firstly I think you need to chose if you really want him enough, that the consequences of going for him are worth it.
Only you know what is going on so only you can make that choice.
Whatever your answer you should follow it 100%.

If yes:
you go all in and take responsibility for whatever the price is, possibly losing a colleague and maybe even your job.
If no:
you go find another man on your spare time that are just as good and choose to be only friends your collegue.

Living in the middle will only be torture.

Now when it comes to us ISFP's not making the first move is plain wrong.
Don't let generalized stereotypes like that deceive you.
Every person is different!
I've made the first move on several occasions.
That being said girls have jumped out of hedges on me,
cause I didn't pay attention to my surroundings.

You say that he jokes with you.

Have he ever flirted?
With you or the other.
I can joke with everybody at a place of work if I'm in that mood.
I've also been in glum moods where people I know didn't deserve it, got harsh treatments for no reason at all.

You should take into account where he stands on the whole dating on work issue.
Where does the new lady stand on the topic?
So many unsolved variables here... XD

[Inguz]

But if I don't get some certainty, the agony worsens by the day...

I think that you may want to sit down and talk with him, for your own sake. Is the loss of a colleague relationship really worse than not knowing for certain? And what are your intentions?

[Kito]

Just don't make any serious advancements too quickly. We're pretty notorious for withdrawing if we feel it's moving too fast.

[hornet]

I think that you may want to sit down and talk with him, for your own sake. Is the loss of a colleague relationship really worse than not knowing for certain? And what are your intentions?

Second that more information is always useful in cases like this.
If you can ask him questions that can enlighten you on what is going on.
Or get someone else you trust to ask them for you if you can't make yourself.

Just don't make any serious advancements too quickly. We're pretty notorious for withdrawing if we feel it's moving too fast.

Yep too serious an advance too early may be a bit much.

First you need to get clarity on where you stand on the issue.
Then if you decide that is what you want, you need to start flirting.
Stand closer to him than usual, touch him slightly more than what is usual between you,
hold his gaze etc etc...
He will understand what you are getting at and he will have to make a choice himself.
Since that choice will be based on all sorts of things, the outcome will be unpredictable.

Hope it works out for the best for you. :)

[Inguz]

@hornet As I understood it, main point was for her to get some closure.

[hornet]

@hornet As I understood it, main point was for her to get some closure.

I see.
Closure would be a good thing if she have walked on eggshells for a long time.
We will have to see what happens, what she says, if anything.

[Benja]

With me, it would be better to do little things and read my body language than to straight up ask me about how I feel. If you want to know if he likes you in a girlfriend type way, they try acting like a girlfriend would with him and see how he responds. Try getting real close beside him and looking into his eyes, when you do, see if he likes it or gets defensive, maybe playfully touch him to see how he responds, if that goes well, try again but do it a little longer than a friend would and look into his eyes. It would be obvious how I felt about a girl through my body language if she tried little tricks like this. I'm not going to let some girl I don't like invade my space, try to test his responses through Se tasks, our feeling is introverted and kind of inaccessible.

Best of luck in figuring him out.