[mikki104]

I would really like to know, seeing that you're N and your fiance is S, if this has ever been a big issue for you two, and if your N and his S preferences are strong or not. Since I have very strong N preferences and I don't derive much pleasure in lengthy small talk topics, but he seems to enjoy those (with the ESFJ lady).

I'm going to be lazy :) and point you towards a couple posts on this particular topic I've already made, because I think the S-N crossover is an important and interesting issue in "MBTI Dating":



What type is your SO?

What Do Sensors (S's) Really Think

I am a pretty strong N, but I would say my fiance is pretty balanced in terms of his perception (along with other ISFPs I've known; they do pretty well at developing their Ni), so we make it work. There are definitely times when I am frustrated that he doesn't want to pursue an abstract conversation topic that I am really interested in, times when I feel that he just doesn't relate to what I'm thinking, and I feel that I can't share the deepest parts of myself. Conversely I know there are times when my lack of interest in doing things, or failure to appreciate something he finds unspeakably beautiful or fascinating, disappoints him. At times I have to admit that I space out and nod and say Mhmmm, mhhmmm when he is talking about mundane things and which he has started to deal with by peppering his conversation with comments like "...and that was right before we wrangled the purple rhinoceros into the circus tent..." just to see if I'll notice :) His inability to verbalize his feelings and most abstract thoughts can also be frustrating, for both of us (though he is good at expressing them in other, more creative, ways).

But really, it has to do with what you're looking for in a relationship. Whereas being with another N might make it easier for me to coddle my dominant functional preferences, I see the challenges presented by dealing with his S as an opportunity for growth. His Se preference really challenges me to get out and develop my own inferior Se function (as he drags me out on hikes, skiing, camping, playing with animals, and just being more aware of my surroundings in general). He is amazing with his hands, he can build or sculpt anything, and he sees and points out the tiny beautiful things every day that make life so worth living. He visualizes the world so differently than me that it's refreshing and surprising to REALLY see it through his eyes. I feel more well-balanced in general, though sure, it drains me a lot and sometimes I overindulge myself in gluts of Ni that can last for days (in which I read books or play video games for hours and hours on end and snarl at interruption, overanalyze everything, research random thoughts, etc. etc.),

It also depends on what you want the relationship between yourself and your partner to consist of. There are some relationships that are based on sharing the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of the other person. I have learned that though we share many important values and ideas, I will in the end have to go to my N-dom friends to share and discuss in depth a lot of my most intense ideas, philosophies, and daydreams. What I want from a life partner is emotional stability, support, trust, humor, and something like unconditional love, as well as opportunity for growth and constant challenge in my weaker areas. This is what I have received from my current relationship.

[anthracin]

It's everything, at least for me.
If I've decided that I will or won't do something that is final, until I chose to change.

That's exactly like my INFP brother!

@mikki104 probably has better advice since she has firsthand experience with an ISFP.
I only know how to be an ISFP not deal with one.

:D

There are definitely times when I am frustrated that he doesn't want to pursue an abstract conversation topic that I am really interested in, times when I feel that he just doesn't relate to what I'm thinking, and I feel that I can't share the deepest parts of myself. Conversely I know there are times when my lack of interest in doing things, or failure to appreciate something he finds unspeakably beautiful or fascinating, disappoints him.

I know how much effort is required from both sides to make any relationship work, especially for S and N. I'm just really discouraged because I can't relate to him like I used to, and I don't seem to get him anymore.

At times I have to admit that I space out and nod and say Mhmmm, mhhmmm when he is talking about mundane things and which he has started to deal with by peppering his conversation with comments like "...and that was right before we wrangled the purple rhinoceros into the circus tent..." just to see if I'll notice :)

Which you did notice

I overindulge myself in gluts of Ni that can last for days (in which I read books or play video games for hours and hours on end and snarl at interruption, overanalyze everything, research random thoughts, etc. etc.),

I have a similar problem that I'll go read on random interesting topics for hours on end with no conclusion...

It also depends on what you want the relationship between yourself and your partner to consist of. There are some relationships that are based on sharing the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of the other person. I have learned that though we share many important values and ideas, I will in the end have to go to my N-dom friends to share and discuss in depth a lot of my most intense ideas, philosophies, and daydreams. What I want from a life partner is emotional stability, support, trust, humor, and something like unconditional love, as well as opportunity for growth and constant challenge in my weaker areas. This is what I have received from my current relationship.

I haven't been in a relationship before and thus lack backing in what I really want in a relationship.

[PrincessMary]

Just don't make any serious advancements too quickly. We're pretty notorious for withdrawing if we feel it's moving too fast.

He's right. Nothing will make me bolt faster! I had a guy talk about being married on our FIRST date! Nice and easy does it. :)

[tragicgal]

@anthracin: has anything transpired with the isfp since your post? i am curious. i also got long intense gazes that made electricity surge and if he couldn't feel it, then he's heartless, but i feel that he did feel the same thing. after a few months of those gazes, he's recently gotten "shy" about the looks and not looking at me as often. when we do talk, his glances are quick and then he looks away to the ground or away. it's frustrating.