Hi, I'm new here and I recently found out I'm an ISFP so I came on to this forum to try and figure myself out a little bit more. I just have to say its such a wonderful feeling to find people that think the same way I do, I've always felt alone in my thought process for as long as I can remember. Which brings me to some problems I have: I have horrible self-confidence issues.
First off, my memory is horrible, and I find it gets worse all the time. I can't remember anything I want to and it inhibits my ability to talk to people. I read spiritual and religious books and philosophical discussions on the internet in hopes of understanding the world better and becoming "wiser". But after I'm done reading whatever I'm reading, I never remember any of the important things. I'm unable to hold discussions about anything with anyone, so end up beating myself up afterwards and becoming depressed and envious of people who can have casual or in-depth conversations whenever they want. I feel like I can't have any sort of relationship with anyone because I can't talk to anyone. I realize relationships don't always have to be based on conversation, and I personally don't mind not talking with people (probably because I'm not good at it), but everyone else seems to need conversation to be interested. Most of the time I just want to curl up in a corner away from everyone until I can finally be alone.
I'm also very self-conscious of my physical appearance. I won't get into details because it bothers me. When I'm in public, I'll always wrap myself up in a big black sweater and I'll wear my longish hair down (instead of just combing it back which I prefer the most when I don't have to worry about people judging my appearance.) I do those things because it makes me feel the most protected. I always feel safe wearing my hood. I even go to the extent of wearing my big black sweater in the middle of summer if I'm that uncomfortable, although I've been getting better at not wearing it as of this year.
I'm just never comfortable with myself and it hinders my every day life so much. Sometimes, when I'm absorbed in my thoughts, I try to look at it from a logical point of view, and I realize it really doesn't matter how other people see my physical appearance and I should just let go of all these attachments that make me unable to function in public. But then when the time comes to act upon it, I can never bring myself to it, then I go through my day depressed.
I feel like I can't think about things logically. When I'm alone in my thoughts, I always tell myself to try to look at everything I see from as many different perspectives I can, because that really lets you get the whole picture. But when the time comes where it would be best to think about something from more than one perspective, I can never remember to do it because I tend to act on my impulsive feelings, then later on I'll think about it and I'll beat myself up for not being able to do it when it would've been best to.
I just reeeeeeeeeally need to overcome these things because it makes me so miserable most of the time. I've brought up these issues with people I'm close to but they can never give me advice. Hopefully people that process things in a similar way will be able to help? Thanks.