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This is a discussion on ISFP and INFJ relationship? within the ISFP Forum - The Artists forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; that is all.[:...
that is all.[:
Last edited by WhoLovesOrangeSoda; 01-02-2011 at 06:59 PM.
Wow, 5 positive vs. 10 negative. Your positive views seem to be quite general and negative ones seem pretty detailed, seems like you are focused more on his negative sides. Of course in any relationship after a while, the negative sides start to show up. I guess at first it is because both want to make an impression and try their best to hide their negative sides. And of course you just might be tired or this guy really doesn't fit you. I was talking to this INFJ girl once and she gave me some good compliments, which also made me think better of myself and i started to talk more about myself too, and i really felt that i talked too much, but somehow couldn't stop. So maybe giving less compliments about certain things in a person, might get your list back in balance. I guess a good relationship doesn't consist giving compliments and making the other half feel better, there has got to be some balance.
Hope anything made more sense to you than it made to me.
I think when you see too much of someone, their negatives seem 10x worse..
INFJs have martyr complexes. I've seen way too many threads of INFJ-ISFP issues. The INFJ gets into a relationship because they see ISFP as someone who they can mutually try to understand and they get into savior mode forcing themselves to do reckless things the ISFP does.
The only reason why ISFPs get into relationships because on the outside they are cute/pretty whatever and they seem harmless. Then you get deep down they have larger issues.
I've never understood why INFJs never gone for their duals ESTJs. The ESTJ provides constant communication/feedback/direction/goals. although the INFJ will be their bitch that's kinda what the INFJ wants to be. Instead they unaware of the benefits of ESTJs and go for ISFP thinking of the above.
It's interesting to read about the difficulties between INFJ and ISFP relationships. I could see why there could possibly be some. The theoretical and abstract INFJ....The nature-loving artistic soul of the ISFP... Not to mention that a strongly intuitive INFJ may bring much confusion to an ISFP's more logically based sense of 'reality'. Also, us INFJ's tend to be the type to live a life of always planing for the future, while the ISFP feels much more comfortable living in the 'here and now'.
Even though I am truly an INFJ to it's complete description, I do notice many characteristics that are similar to ISFP's. It might be because through the personality test, it described me as on the borderline of just about all four aspects of personality, but I'm not much of an expert on this so I'm unsure if that is in account. What I see in myself is your usual fondness of nature, and the fact that you a very aesthetic people. I adore poetry, writing, and artistic ventures are a calling for me. Anything that involves the creative process leaves me in a whirlwind of excitement I have many conviction I live my life in accordance to, and I take life very seriously. Just as the ISFP, I'm a very difficult person to get to truly know. (We're also two of the most difficult personalities to understand) Even though the INFJ has the 'J' quality, we also tend to be a tad unorganized I'm also a lover of freedom, personal space, and only on the rare occasion will I decide to express my entirety of feelings for someone...I'm quite reserved about such things. I've only done so once in my life (to an ISFP by the way) I still don't know where the courage of doing so came from..*proud* I've also read that ISFP's have a way of being very witty...Well not to toot my on my own INFJ horn but I 'think' I can be a funny person as well (now would be about the time where I tell a bad joke to prove my comedic ways)
My Appreciation of the ISFP:
It is true that we both may have our share of differences, but many of them are qualities I adore about the ISFP. I'm someone who is always, I guess you could say, very 'in tune' with the future. Sometimes I forget to just take a taste of life as it is in the present moment. This quality of the ISFP is so lovely to me, and I admire them for their ability to do so. I'm intrigued by their way of hiding emotions so closely, even through the intense feelings they may be holding inside.That they'd rather demonstrate then say their emotions. Their cute way of being so modest, and yet they are always a million times over more talented then they must realize. They are such artistic people , yet have an air of simplicity about them that is so refreshing to me. They exuberantly express so much kindness to others, and when they reveal their pent up inner-most emotions, it's just an amazing side of them to see. I love their love for freedom and small instances of spontaneity...Such a cute and unexpected side of them *smile*
Coming together Harmoniously:
I believe that two well developed people of any personality can find love between the two, and especially the ISFP and the INFJ. If they both see each other positively, they can come to realize just how similar they really are in so many forms. I am only familiar with one ISFP, and there is nothing I'd ever wish to change about him. (An ISFP most likely would not appreciate someone who want to change them anyhow) When in love, I'll admit that I'm highly romantic. I like to express my feeling with actions as much as I do words when I feel the time is right (and are not beautiful words an action of love in a sense? ) I'd imagine (and correct me if I'm wrong) that an ISFP in love themselves would rather enjoy the romance an INFJ like myself would put into the relationship. I'm sure they'd have a great part in adding some themselves when they are confident in the other's feelings for them.
*In response to WhoLovesOrangeSoda: Are you positive you have an INFJ on your hands? Going along with the type of person I am, we're not usually ones to brag. I don't usually talk about myself with others at all unless I feel a very special and strong connection to them (which is extremely rare to occur) Even then, I have a tendency to feel highly uncomfortable if I feel I may have revealed a part of myself too soon. There's only ever been one person in my life whom I felt completely comfortable in expressing parts of myself I usually heavily guard, and that was the ISFP I'm currently in love with. I could only see an INFJ exhibiting some of those characteristics if he were to see you as the love of his life...But INFJ's are complex and probably would only express such a feeling if they saw it in you, and their personal convictions agreed with this feeling whole-heartedly. If he's so poetic and willing to compliment you, I'm a tad surprised as an INFJ that he hasn't realize your discomfort. We're usually very intuitive about such things, and extremely aware of other's emotions and perceptions. Unless of course, he is such a gifted INFJ that his ESP has told him you are to be the love of his life...But that is a rare occasion to happen, and if so then that would then make sense to me how he could be an INFJ and be so open to talking to you about your 'futures'. But that is more of something I won't get into, because if that's true then it should be him to reveal that side of himself to you...Not me. But even then, I'd imagine he'd still be more careful of what he says to you...I'm a bit doubtful this person is an INFJ. Although I may be wrong, and you certainly know him more then I do. He may just be so blinded by love that it's affecting his usual INFJ ways. But best wishes to the both of you. I hope that even through your differences, things may work out for you both as lovers or simple friends. Follow your heart with how you feel for him, as that is always the wisest thing to do.
Last edited by mariana_sueli; 01-06-2011 at 09:42 AM.
Very good points in this thread.
I agree with Brie about it doesn't seem you are attracted to him.
I also agree with mariana_sueli about if you are truly even sure he is an INFJ?
I myself am an INFJ that married my ISFP.
I've posted several times and honestly I learned A LOT in our relationship. We went through VERY ROUGH times, as does any and every relationship where two people push to make it work.
Honestly, if he's truly INFJ... Then at least in my case, he'll learn what works and what doesn't and see what needs to happen.
My other half sometimes irritates me to death but I love her and I've learned how she wants that love expressed and I've told her how to express it back to me.
A relationship is a give/take give a little take a little. I've honestly never been with someone that is so sensative as my ISFP but dishes it out like it's nothing to it... I've swallowed some pretty hard pills from my ISFP but she couldn't take, in my mind, the smallest of things.
BUT, you have to learn each other as any relationship.
Until I got it through my head and reasoned with myself about accepting her for who she was and that it's OK to have a measure of independance in my mind, I wasn't really at peace or ease; afterward and I kicked Fe to the curb I felt a huge load lift off me and we've both been great!
I just have to watch because I'm very high on intuition and so at times I'm upset without being able to clearly explain myself; what I do is just stay away or tell her, I'm upset now and I need some time to myself to get better; that's it... Voila... I can get over stuff on my own since I reason through things.. Once my isfp is upset, she tends to linger in her mood.
Just my experience but if you want to make it work... Don't give up on each other.
If you don't want to make it work and he's truly INFJ... the end it. Just explain yourself and what has led you to come up to this. If he see's where you're coming from and I would think most INFJ can see this, then he'll be fine.
In the end though, you make your decisions, don't feel that anyone has the right to do that for you but you.
If my 2 cents cause any havoc or regrets, it's just my opinion; nothing more, nothing less.
You speak from my heart. I've recently met a guy who I believe is an ISFP. I especially agree with you on admiring their ability to live in the present. It creates a sort of constancy that I long for in a partner, since my own INFJ personality always seems to drift off into the future, fantasy worlds or endless philosophical speculations. Everything I do is under the influence of my quickly changing mood, this absolute enthusiasm and certainty one day and doubts on the next. And on the other hand, he seems to share my humour, my shyness, the depth of my thoughts, my creativity and appreciation of culture, my love for knowledge, wisdom and observing the world from a distance. I know an INFJ's wish to plan ahead is a good thing, but often it's more dreaming about the future than actually building up your life. I know it could create conflicts, but I would also be willing to try and give up on controlling my life so much and experience that easiness of living for the present. I get a bit fed up with my own inability to live my life to the fullest. So I believe that INFJ's greatly benefit from ISFP partners. But the ISFP in the relationship will also benefit. INFJ's will point out their talents to them, listen to them and encourage them, they'll help them dream big, see possibilities and beauty. And since both are complex, introverted personalities they'll usually understand when their partner just needs some space.Originally Posted by mariana_sueli;922920[U
I couldn't agree more! If you want to make it work, you can. You just have to really want to get to know and understand the other person.I believe that two well developed people of any personality can find love between the two, and especially the ISFP and the INFJ. If they both see each other positively, they can come to realize just how similar they really are in so many forms.
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