Avoiding Conflict

**banja** · 03-05-2009 07:16 PM

How do you deal with conflict? Do you ignore it, put off dealing with it, hate it but deal with it, or love the challenge and jump right into it?
If you don't like it, but still deal with it, what do you tell yourself to overcome that discomfort right before the conflict happens?
I usually tell myself to better end that disgusting discomforting feeling, and deal with it quicker, rather than elongate it. Although I have to admit, it doesn't always work...the conflict avoidance is something I really have to work on.

**Shai Gar** · 03-05-2009 07:20 PM

I jump straight in.

If life were a medieval battle, I'd be the guy with two short swords running around barefoot gutting everyone. The stereotypical berserker with an axe swinging in a circle amongst my foe.

**Linesky** · 03-10-2009 02:08 PM

My reactions depend on what position I'm in, and who my opponent(s) are. :)
I will most probably prefer harmony on the long run! but when I think of "conflict" I don't necessarily think of something *bad*. shit happens. and it doesn't always have to be (seen as) shitty either. ..

**Trundle** · 03-10-2009 02:20 PM

If the result of the conflict looks to be useful, jump in with a grin. If there looks to be no point, diffuse.

**banja** · 03-10-2009 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by skyline

My reactions depend on what position I'm in, and who my opponent(s) are. :)
I will most probably prefer harmony on the long run! but when I think of "conflict" I don't necessarily think of something *bad*. shit happens. and it doesn't always have to be (seen as) shitty either. ..

Yeah, shit happens. I guess I wasn't even thinking about conflict in a physical sense, where you get into physical fights, but more like having to do something that you don't like to do, but have to. You know it's going to cause some immediate pain for me or for others, but it's going to be rewarding in the long run. You know, for example, telling someone that they are doing a crappy job at something. If you tell them, they might get hurt, or just feel bad about themselves..but if you don't tell them, and keep on going, then they keep on doing a crappy job, and you might have to suffer from it, and they don't even know. See, that's my problem. Most of the time, I rather adjust myself, or just avoid the person, but it's not that healthy, because 1. I'm not being open with the person, and 2. I put too much crap on myself, when it's not even neccessary, because if the person knew, then they'd probably adjust their actions.
I don't know if that makes sense.
With my closest people (there are just 2 of them really

), I tell them everything. But with other people, I don't know why, it's just really hard to criticize, or be criticized. I've gotten a lot, a lot better with the latter in recent years, but it's still hard to criticize others, unless I know them really well.

But anyway...I can be brutal when people push my buttons on purpose, and when they try to push me. I'm the most stubborn person in the world then.

**BehindSmile** · 03-11-2009 09:42 AM

I hate conflict, but I also hate not being able to defend myself...

Conflict, will bother me for a long time...I take things very personally

**banja** · 04-02-2009 03:30 PM

I got into a long and pretty strong argument today. What I realized is how freeing it can be. Pretty contradictory, no? But it's true. I'm pretty proud of myself too cos I stood my ground, and didn't avoid (and she's an ExTJ! ha! ). It's one of the hardest things for me to do. I also got outwardly angry, which is also not easy for me, because I kinda view aggressiveness as a sort of weakness...like you allow other people to get to you, and they know exactly where to push more. But didn't feel that way today...more like, I'm angry and I don't give a crap!

Realized and re-realized a lot of things, which are kinda hard to explain, but the main thing is that conflict is needed, it provides for a lot of learning experiences, and , in a way, sets you free.