[Lady K]

One of my best and closest friends is actually an ISTJ, at least, I think he is one. I've never actually had him take the test - I'm fairly confident he would score as one though.

Our relationship actually started because of me, I approached him. I don't know if this is true for all ISFJs, but I'm a huge sucker for a person with a problem. I want to help them, and get them back on their feet. He was in limbo about this girl he'd spent the better part of his mature life with - she was a complete psycho, but he felt compelled to take care of her, like it was his job. In any case, it was something he didn't really want to do, but he felt he had a responsibility to do. It ended up with him not sleeping well, and drinking. I talked him down from this behavior, and reached out to him and eventually got him to trust me. He still has HUGE issues with opening up to me about his feelings, mostly because I think he doesn't register that he has them until they're boiling over. Most of the time when we talk, it's me talking about myself and my days, etc. Our relationship has actually taken a loss in that respect - to get to the point I was trying to make, we like to be trusted, and confided in. It sounds weird I think, but I liked that he was vulnerable because I felt it was a way that we could relate to each other. I like feeling that my companions and I can work together to solve our problems and make each other's hurts go away.

[NARCO]

Hmm..... so you are saying that I should confide in this girl? That is very hard to do. I do not know if I have anything to confide in her about.

Can you give me a hypothetical situation where you KNOW and ISTJ is interested in you.... how would you like him to express his feelings to you?

[Lady K]

Heh. I don't care what personality type is crushing on me, I think any man who wants to "date" me needs to be up front, respectful, and sweet. I don't want "lines" or long explanations. I want a guy to just say, "hey, I like you. A lot. Thoughts?" Okay, maybe not always, but that's the gist.

I know that you're concerned about how to approach this girl, but it sounds like you already have and she's turned you down. Continuing to get in her face about how much you like her is probably only going to hurt your friendship with her. If anything, I would suggest trying to be less available to her. Sometimes when we realize that we're losing our closeness with someone, we make revelations that they are more important to us than we realized. Maybe that's manipulative, but I see it as giving her a chance to breathe and evaluate her relationship with you.

[NARCO]

Well, here's the thing.... we didn't talk for 4-5 months after the first time she turned me down. So obviously your theory didn't work. =(

This time though, I am trying to keep her at an arms length.... you know... maybe send her a text once a week just to say hi or something... good idea?

[Lady K]

I don't know how to be tactful about this, but sometimes - no really does mean no. She's just not interested in you, if you've done all that you've said. That doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, or that you're not good enough. You're just not the person she's looking for. It's unhealthy to pursue someone who doesn't want to date you, and has refused you several times. You can't change who you are in order to win a girl, or a guy. If she doesn't want you for who you are, then she's not the one for you in the first place. No change in approach is going to change that sweetie.

[NARCO]

I don't know how to be tactful about this, but sometimes - no really does mean no. She's just not interested in you, if you've done all that you've said. That doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, or that you're not good enough. You're just not the person she's looking for. It's unhealthy to pursue someone who doesn't want to date you, and has refused you several times. You can't change who you are in order to win a girl, or a guy. If she doesn't want you for who you are, then she's not the one for you in the first place. No change in approach is going to change that sweetie.

I suppose you are right.
I do not like being lonesome.

[BehindSmile]

My boyfriend is an ISTJ and the only pet peeve I have is that he has trouble opening up and showing emotion. For a long time it was a guessing game about how he felt about me! But once that got in the clear and I began to understand him more, it was great. I love his commitment to his family, he's polite, and is always to the rescue. He takes great care of himself hygienically, and appreciates finer things in life without being ridiculous about finances. He is very dedicated to his job, and I see having a great future with him. He is smart about finances and is a great saver. He surprises me a lot with sweetness (mostly because he's private and hard to read) but the surprises are always pleasant. He is also a phenomenal listener...he remembers things I say months later which makes him a very good gift giver, cook and date planning.

[NARCO]

Yeah, I know I'm not good at showing my emotions.... I don't even know if I have emotions! I am a good listener though, I always have thought that I could be a good "rock" in a relationship for my wife to anchor on. Now I just have to find a wife.

[Mendi the ISFJ]

Im ISFJ and my husband is ISTJ and there are some things that make me mad, im not sure if they are specific to ISTJ or not, he thinks a little too much about his desires while i think about everyone elses. He too easily justifies some bad habits. He doesnt offer up compliments. He doesnt plan ahead EVER. There are endearing qualities too, but these are the ones that bother me on a daily basis.

[Adp]

Perhaps pay more attention to detail and body language. If you think she looks stellar in that top, you should not only tell her, but remember for when she wears it again. Reinforce the idea that you've taken special note of the things that she says/does/wears/whatevers.

Try and meet her when she's not with anyone. Know that you actually don't have to speak to make conversation. Say she's reading a book. You can ask her what its about as your intro and if she signals that she wants to read the book then well, read another book a few yards away. If she gets used to you eventually she will incorporate you into her routine. Unless she's repulsed by you which if you've been paying attention to detail and body language you will know.

when i use these pronouns i don't intend to speak for everyone but this is generally how I would feel about it.