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INFP compatible with ISFJ

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infp isfj
65K views 52 replies 38 participants last post by  kurogane21 
#1 ·
Do you think an INFP male would be particularly compatible with an ISFJ female?
Do you have any personal experience or have you ever seen an INFP/ISFJ relationship?
Thanks :)
 
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#2 ·
You might end up thinking of her as a bit neurotic or anal retentive, but if you were both willing to cooperate, I don't see why it couldn't work. I have had ISFJ friends, but not mates.
 
#3 ·
Ah, alrighty, thanks snail :)
She is probably the nicest girl I know currently, and I would really like to start something with her.
She is a very hard worker and organized, and I sometimes take the easy way out and am disorganized, so we are different in that sense, but I don't see why that would ruin a relationship.
 
#4 ·
As long as you don't expect her to be all deep and N-ish, and she doesn't expect you to be all practical and structured, you'll probably get along. My ENFP brother has an adorable IXFJ wife who seems to behave more as an ISFJ than an INFJ. They never clash, although my brother had to adapt a little to her always asking him things like "Do you think I should put this bookshelf here or over there?" If he was honest and said that he didn't care where it went, and that she could put it wherever she pleased, she took it to mean that he wasn't interested in building a comfortable nest with her. He learned that it meant that to her, so now, even if he doesn't care where something goes, he just randomly picks something, then lets her decide whether she agrees or disagrees. She still ends up doing the organizing, but it gives her the impression that he is interested in participating and is therefore interested in her.
 
#6 ·
Yeah. Another thing that I think would provide more potential for the relationship is that I don't think I have a very strong N or P. I feel like we are very similar on many levels, even though there are of course many differences.
 
#8 ·
I am an INFP, I don't know if you will read this or how it has worked out with you and the girl. I reccomend it, I am married to a ISFJ woman and we have an amazing connection. We are both very into each other and family is very important to us. If you have any questions still I will try to answer for you.

INFP
Hey, thanks for the response :). Well, it's been a while since I posted this, but I'm not necessarily attracted to her anymore. I've observed her personality change a lot more this year, but I still have a small attraction to her because I can still see her old self that I was attracted to before. I haven't really thought much about it, though, because I really don't think she's into me at all. I'm too much of a space-case, lol.
 
#11 ·
Well, finally I find out my husband's true type -- at least what was written down in the back of Please Understand Me: ISFJ.. not ISTJ like I thought (we were moving furniture and books last night and I found the copy). I know OP has moved on from his ISFJ -- but I'm an INFP and husband is ISFJ and it works for us. Well at least since 92 when we met. ISFJs....... you guys seem to really be excellent people (from what I've seen).
 
#12 ·
INFP with ISFJ

They are outstanding people...no doubt! But they are not anything like us INFP's.

I have worked for one (closely) for 8 years....40 hours a week....in a small space. I hear all of his personal calls...and he hears mine...and we talk about them.

We are both as selfless and dutiful to a fault...and he is generous. He's like a frickin' Mother Theresa. Sometimes it's like we are competing to see who can be the biggest martyr. We both operate from a sense of guilt.

However, our motivations are totally different:

Mine out of a sense of inferiority -- because there is limit to my being bale to fathom the special needs of everyone out there. This leads me to be melancholy and spacey.

His out of a sense of superiority -- because, like a doctor, he has the cure. He feels guilty that he doesn't have more resources to do more good. This leads him to be angry and passive aggressive.

The ISFJ's Si is truly an amazing gift -- if you can figure out what they are talking about before take it away from you and do it themselves.
 
#15 ·
wow! really?? no wonder!! no wonder most of my best friends are ISFJs!! =) weeeeh! am so happee ^_^ :crazy: i know it's an old thread..i can't help it! :crazy:
 
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#14 ·
What's funny is that while we operate out of guilt, the point of construing matters differently between an isfj and infp can cause one another to be reminded of that 'unexplainable' guilt that we feel.

What I mean by this is that although we're going through similar phases and emotions, we'll deal with the situation differently depending on where our values are rooted out of, and this can cause the other to disagree and clash with you and make you worry so much.

Other than that and perhaps a few other very normal things that occur between people, isfj and infp get along fine. I am able to talk to them about my concerns and random thoughts when they're obviously in the calm mood to listen, as long as I don't talk about the deep stuff that baffles them and gets 'em all silent at a certain point. We also work well in a setting or in an environment that operates systematically because they already have a sense of knowing what to do and seem to put their feet on the ground and get on with it energetically and accurately (which drives me to do what I have to do).

I also second bcruel2bkind's post.
 
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#16 · (Edited)
This is not like the forum I know of where you get BANNED for reviving old topics. Screw those moderators.

Sadly, I don't hang out in the INFP forums as much anymore, but I look at them every now and then, especially since I'm starting to get over certain inner struggles which I think are rather universal.

I can't say I've ever met an INFP in real life, but I most likely met an Fi user (IXFP) before. I feel like I am VERY comfortable talking to them (assuming that the ones I think of are IXFP). They might take a while to open up to a person, but it seems like the anxiety I get for having to say the "right" thing in front of a person goes away.
 
#17 ·
I find myself drawn to INFPs as well - we seem to have some sort of connection. It's probably the dreamy idealism, though I thought that was mostly due to my enneagram type (4). But like Handi, I am often fantasizing about random stuff, and whatnot. I've met some INFPs in person - the one huge difference that stands out to me ( I don't know if it's just because of me) was that I was a much more confident person. I guess that makes sense with cruel2bekind's ideas that INFPs feel inferior, and ISFJs feel superior.
 
#18 ·
yeah probably so...ISFJ seem to have this confidence in them that i don't have..i sometimes find myself nagging to let them do the talking when it's needed or something..but i do have learned a lot from them..saying things to me to speak up or something or don't be shy...ya know..those kinds of things and i really appreciate it...it feels like they care about me and i like it how they can be so accepting and warm as well..like i could talk to them about anything without putting limit on myself :wink:
 
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#20 ·
Here again --- I'm the ISFJ married to an INFP - and I don't think it's a good combo.

Funny, I don't feel that confident ---- except like when it comes to speaking up - either being assertive in a situation or at a party or picnic.... My INFP hubby practically hangs on my leg, out of insecurity, at an event -------- I used to be so shy as an ISFJ - But now I've gotten to where I can talk to just about anyone!

My INFP has never cried & seems to miss the emotion in almost everything. Very black & white - tell me the bottom line.
He seems to think everyone should be passive - If you express a need to make a change - he gets angry. If you make comments about something - he sees it as criticism. I think it's a self-esteem thing???

Anyone shed any light on dealing w/this INFP? or explain why? :)
 
#21 ·
... it's hard to know without talking to him and asking about it... I mean I wouldn't act that way right now?.... but... I mean given the circumstances he's in and has been through.... that's really it.... it's up to his surroundings. I'd be best to ask him I think.
 
#23 ·
I think the biggest problem with an INFP/ISFJ relationship would be communication and understanding. Since communication is key in making a relationship work, it might be a little more difficult than a few other pairings. That doesn't mean it can't work though.

Any one person can be compatible with another person, regardless of their personality type.
 
#24 ·
one of my best friends is ISFJ (I think).
I'm very N, so sometimes I'm like Cmon let's do it! :D And she's less courageous knight :)cool:) than me and she's rather careful. She also works more than me and is waaay more organized xD

But we're still good friends, and sometimes her s and her j is good for me =o
 
#25 ·
yep! definitely...an ISFJs 'S' and 'J' definitely helps me (you) out...most of them are pretty organized...i think my one friend has a very high 'J' preference...very meticulous in everything that she does and really really careful when buying things and such...very neat and organized i must say...and i like it how they can understand when i am uber late in meet ups! =D or maybe they're keeping their resentment within? o_O
 
#26 ·
Coming from an ISFJ with little external judging tendancies, regarding friendships, NFP in general is pretty awesome.

As for relationships, the closest I've gotten to a person is an INxP. He was great and getting into my head and letting me express myself. Codependency should be watched out for however. A degree of health and maturity in both is probably advised for a really sucessful relationship.
 
#27 ·
My girlfriend is ISFJ, and we have a good relationship when she is in town, though it's largely long distance for us. She takes people's opinion of her to heart, and tends to break down after every inconsiderate comment by either her roommate or friends. One of the biggest issues I have is that she finds the fact that my major is undecided as a crisis that she has to fix, and my lack of planning outside of when we will hang out infuriating.
 
#28 ·
My BF is INFP and to be honest I always find myself liking people like this a lot. Haha. They usually work out pretty well, but I have some communication problems sometimes...I've really improved and tell him everything that I'm feeling so I feel really confident about this pairing if you both put effort to make it work (as is with any relationship). Also, even if the types aren't compatible and you like them you should go for it. ;3

For me it's a nice balance cause we both have a lot of the same interests and goals in life and he chills me out from my tendency to have to complete everything perfectly. @__@
 
#29 ·
one of my best friends in an isfj and were both afraid of confronting issues and she wont be the one to stand up for me. EVER. but we both bond over our sensitivity and quietness, dont try to be deep with them, they wont get it, and they tend to be bandwagon riders. no real sense of individuality. you guys will have the same sense of humor, that only you two will understand. in the beginning you guys will be hella close but once their isn't any real drama or sensitivity to bond over, the relationship will get really dead. (being brutally honest)
 
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