INTP with an ISFJ?

INTP with an ISFJ?

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This is a discussion on INTP with an ISFJ? within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I just recently started dating an INTP and I'm just curious if others have had the same....

  1. #1
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    INTP with an ISFJ?

    I just recently started dating an INTP and I'm just curious if others have had the same.



  2. #2
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Basically, you will become needy and abusive and he will eventually leave you. There is a theory on it but I can't find it.

    See this. http://homepage.mac.com/bahlberg/ibl...977/index.html

    This is quicker access. http://homepage.mac.com/bahlberg/ibl...525/index.html
    apathy and Wasp thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Married to an ISFJ. It is true he does tend to be a bit overly needy. Perhaps if I was not an INTP I would not see it that way. He always likes to let me know he loves me, I tend to only tell him when a burst of love shows itself, not very often. This can make him feel that I do not love him even though I do.

    I like to keep to myself and need lots of space, he can see that as rejection, even though in no way do I intend for it to be seen that way.

    My advice to you if you want to stick with the relationship would be, don't except it to be all lovey dovey. Don't tread on his personal space or you will just get pushed farther away. And don't take his need for personal space as a sign of rejection.

    Conversation with my ISFJ can also become stagnant and boring and i'm sure for him it is the same way. We don't really think alike in a lot of ways. And I don't comunicate my feelings hardley ever and often feel akaward when he does. So yea. There are a lot of differences in our relationship, but you can't help who you love.

    What I do like about him is his do good attitude and the way he gets things done. He starts something and finishes it all the way through. I start stuff and do it until it no longer interests me. He helps a lot of people, I tend to only be concerned with those that I am close to.

    Personally I feel that in this type of relationship the ISFJ gets the short end of the stick. But everyone is different and I do not speak for everyone.
    South, rawr_sheila, Wasp and 3 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTP - The Thinkers


    Quote Originally Posted by Deagalman View Post
    Basically, you will become needy and abusive and he will eventually leave you. There is a theory on it but I can't find it.
    Way to be positive, yeah! ;)

    You don't know what will happen, but yes, this is the most likely "negative pathway" you'll drift down. If things go bad, this will probably be the way it goes.

    INTP vs ISFJ really depends upon how well both people can empathize with each other, how much they try (and want to) see the world through the other's eyes, and their level of commitment. A self-preservationist INTP can mesh well with an ISFJ... if they can come to an understanding of each other's way of thinking and doing things and not hold grudges for how the other person is not like them or might be at odds.

    INTP can use Ne to actively empathize and imagine positive reasons why the ISFJ might be acting the way they are, then accommodate them. They have to learn to show some emotion or at least perform acts that express caring, even if the INTP thinks those actions are rationally superfluous.

    ISFJ can use Fe skills to treat the INTP with respect even when they feel they're not getting reciprocation in the areas they value. They also need to provide some degree of flex/autonomy with the INTP, rather than setting everything in stone.

    INTPs can be indecisive, and ISFJs usually are not, so ISFJ will tend to "take over" which is both a relief and a frustration to the INTP, who feels dragged along behind, while ISFJ gets resentful about having to be responsible for all the decisions.

    The most likely failure is that the ISFJ will be too structured and make too many demands on the autonomous INTP, and the INTP -- without decent social skills or ability to do thing "just because it would be nice" -- will get frustrated and/or angry and bail.

    I would rather end on a good note. The two types share functions and can actually learn to accommodate each other and grow tremendously by the experience. You can show each other new worlds that neither of you really understood before, and together you both really cover all the bases in terms of evaluating a situation and figuring out how to handle it together.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris877 View Post
    Personally I feel that in this type of relationship the ISFJ gets the short end of the stick. But everyone is different and I do not speak for everyone.
    I feel like it's harder on the ISFJ too, who doesn't get the emotional affirmation they really want if the INTP is not mature or experienced. The INTP will create space for themselves if not given it freely by just withdrawing, whether that means avoiding physical proximity ("going into the cave" if they live together, just avoiding them if not) OR even when the two are together, the INTP will disappear into the thought world and not really be engaged even if they are present. The ISFJ doesn't have this sort of release/escape, due to the desire for companionship and interaction with the loved one.
    Paris877, Gracerina, nikkii and 6 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennywocky View Post
    Way to be positive, yeah! ;)

    You don't know what will happen, but yes, this is the most likely "negative pathway" you'll drift down. If things go bad, this will probably be the way it goes.

    INTP vs ISFJ really depends upon how well both people can empathize with each other, how much they try (and want to) see the world through the other's eyes, and their level of commitment. A self-preservationist INTP can mesh well with an ISFJ... if they can come to an understanding of each other's way of thinking and doing things and not hold grudges for how the other person is not like them or might be at odds.

    INTP can use Ne to actively empathize and imagine positive reasons why the ISFJ might be acting the way they are, then accommodate them. They have to learn to show some emotion or at least perform acts that express caring, even if the INTP thinks those actions are rationally superfluous.

    ISFJ can use Fe skills to treat the INTP with respect even when they feel they're not getting reciprocation in the areas they value. They also need to provide some degree of flex/autonomy with the INTP, rather than setting everything in stone.

    INTPs can be indecisive, and ISFJs usually are not, so ISFJ will tend to "take over" which is both a relief and a frustration to the INTP, who feels dragged along behind, while ISFJ gets resentful about having to be responsible for all the decisions.

    The most likely failure is that the ISFJ will be too structured and make too many demands on the autonomous INTP, and the INTP -- without decent social skills or ability to do thing "just because it would be nice" -- will get frustrated and/or angry and bail.

    I would rather end on a good note. The two types share functions and can actually learn to accommodate each other and grow tremendously by the experience. You can show each other new worlds that neither of you really understood before, and together you both really cover all the bases in terms of evaluating a situation and figuring out how to handle it together.



    I feel like it's harder on the ISFJ too, who doesn't get the emotional affirmation they really want if the INTP is not mature or experienced. The INTP will create space for themselves if not given it freely by just withdrawing, whether that means avoiding physical proximity ("going into the cave" if they live together, just avoiding them if not) OR even when the two are together, the INTP will disappear into the thought world and not really be engaged even if they are present. The ISFJ doesn't have this sort of release/escape, due to the desire for companionship and interaction with the loved one.
    Wow I think that you hit it on the nail with this post.
    Gracerina and digitalceremony thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers


    Quote Originally Posted by Paris877 View Post
    Wow I think that you hit it on the nail with this post.
    oy vey, and I paid for the knowledge in long years of blood, sweat, and tears, lol. thnx!
    Wasp, Phantomhive and Eladamri1 thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I got my knowledge of people from long years of oppression.

  8. #8
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    ISFJ just had relationship with INTP end after six years. They were wonderful years, we both learned a lot. Unfortunately love was not enough in our case, the personality conflicts definitely came into play, we worked hard to keep it going. It didn't in the end. Good luck. Everyone (regardless of personality type) is different. Find your happiness.
    TiNeSi and Wasp thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    yes yes yes yes yes.my mom and dad are those types and they ahve been happily married for 22 years. they balance each other out pretty well and they give ewach other space at the right time. she grounds him and he lightens her up. good luck! ps i would love to meet an intp/ date one
    TiNeSi, zelder and seanrob123 thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by Mutatio NOmenis View Post
    I got my knowledge of people from long years of oppression.
    lmao.


    okay as for the OP, my step brother is an isfj and I won't lie, I straight up despise him. We have nothing in common and I find him incredibly annoying, I get physically uncomfortable when I'm in the same room as him. But that is just one instance, and obviously it will be different for different people.

    I've heard of a lot of INTP - ISFJ marriages, maybe they can get along if they are not the same sex?


 
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