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ENFP/ISFJ compatibility?

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This is a discussion on ENFP/ISFJ compatibility? within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I haven't met this type anywhere in my reality. ( ISFJ )....maybe i'll start stalking the forum to see if ...

  1. #81
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I haven't met this type anywhere in my reality. ( ISFJ )....maybe i'll start stalking the forum to see if
    there is any compatibility potential.

  2. #82
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    The lashing out at you is very common with ISFJs under stress. There are quite a few threads here about how we will unload on our nearest and dearest because we trust them to not run away when we do it. It's one of the most wearing things about living with one of us.
    Thank you! This is SO helpful, and totally makes sense. He was not like this when we got married, but has since come under a lot of stress at work. I honestly thought it was my fault...that my randomness was destroying our lovely relationship. It is why I was desperately searching the internet trying to find out what I could do about my randomness (apparently nothing ..it is the earmark of an ENFP). Once I found out there was little I could do, I thought maybe I could figure out why it was so important to him that I not be. (so random)

    But if its normal behavior for being under stress...well...he got a new boss two years ago...and he has been under stress about it ever since...complaining daily about how much he is upset by his incompetence. (He LOVED his job when we got married).

    So its NOT me...or at least its not ALL me.

    I have talked to him often about how the lashing out hurts me, and he eventually apologizes. Your right, he feels horrible. But the behavior does not change, especially if he is tired. I probably need to develop a thicker skin, but I have been on God's green earth a long time and still have not managed that skill yet. I seem to be unusually fragile.

    I was fearful that I would have another failed marriage if I did not get my act together. I would do ANYTHING not to go through that hell again. But maybe now I can concentrate on helping him cope with the stress at work.

    I know in my heart you are right that it is not all my responsibility to keep things neat and tidy. But he is fastidious, so any mess is usually of my making. I have many more irons in the fire than he does. I am learning where his hot spots are. The kitchen needs to be spotless at all times...but he is easy going about the rest of the house unless company is coming. I do ask him to vacuum at those times and he does so willingly. Sometimes he does the dishes too. When I was working we tag teamed...but not so much now that I am home. Maybe some of this is just the adjustment of moving from a career to being at home.

    I just reread your post again and this time your advice to talk about how his behavior makes me feel stood out. I have been defensive...and how I feel gets lost in the mix - it becomes "information overload". I will try to just talk about my feelings.

    That is the difference I think between an ISFJ and an ISTJ. From what I am reading, the ISFJ is more in touch with his feelings and the feelings of others. Does that sound about right?
    Last edited by Creative; 03-17-2011 at 05:12 AM. Reason: punctuation and additional comment
    TheWildOne thanked this post.

  3. #83
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I believe he is an ISFJ. I've been married to an ISFJ for 34 years. It can be challenging but love is a verb, it's worked at. We have learned to respect each other's differences. She brings stability to my life. She claims I am her best counselor. She always likes certain things done, which I'm good at. I do all the dishes. :) she puts them away. I make breakfast every morning. She makes me a lunch and dinner, when I don't take her out to dinner. When we cook together, I do all the chopping and mixing. She plans and measures out the meal. I make the bed and give her back massages daily, she takes care of the finances. If she needs something done. I don't mind. All I ask is that it's written on a list. Verbal requests get lost in my gray matter.
    It's a give and take. Disadvantage is we talk, but she does not like a lot of the same things I do, but we respect this about each other. Years ago we looked for the commonality between us and found it, but we had to look. We could always find what was different about our marriage.
    I seriously do not know where I'd be without her today in my life because I'm such a random person. She straighten's out the road.
    TheWildOne and Creative thanked this post.

  4. #84
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    You and your wife are where I hope to be someday soon. It may look a bit different with an ENFP wife and a ISFJ husband. Its funny, but just recently we established the need for a written to do list. Its not that I forget everything...its just that there is no real way to predict what I will remember. (I forget things that I REALLY want to do, so it's not an avoidance behavior) I keep a list for myself because I sometimes think I have nothing to do without a list. The thing that needed to change is that he thought I should be the one who writes what he wants me to do on the list, and my point was that I might even forget to do THAT, and so he needs to write it down, or call me and remind me. (Not always the best, because I can forget a call too.)

    One thing we have had to establish is that he is not my dad. He is not in charge of training me the way I should go. I have muddled my way through life this far and accomplished quite a lot.....I do not need retraining. I just need to know how to function with someone who cares so much about punctuality, orderliness, and what others think. Its new territory for me.

    Thanks for the insight...this is a wonderful forum. Very helpful!
    Last edited by Creative; 03-17-2011 at 08:05 AM. Reason: clarity

  5. #85
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I am new and everyone has probably moved on...but I am still researching .... I found this today on a web site and wondered what you think of it?

    It is describing the relationship between an ENFP and an ISFJ. I think, based on my experience as a female ENFP, that the supervisor role is filled by the ISFJ, based on how he seems to feel responsible for teaching me how to be just like him.

    "These relations are also asymmetrical as are relations of Benefit. One partner, called the Supervisor, is always in a more favourable position in respect to the other partner who is known as Supervisee.

    Relations of Supervision can give the impression that Supervisor is constantly watching every step of the Supervisee. The latter usually feels this control even if the Supervisor does not say or do anything. The explanation for this is that the Supervisee weak point is defenceless against the Supervisor's strong point. This makes the Supervisee nervous and expect the worse.

    Although the Supervisor can seem self-satisfied, petty, faultfinding and narrative, the Supervisee pays attention to their actions and considers the Supervisor as consequential. The Supervisee normally wants to gain recognition and commendation from the Supervisor. However, it may seem like the Supervisor always undervalues the abilities of the Supervisee. This stimulates the Supervisee into proving their own worthiness with various actions, yet there is little chance that they will succeed.

    The Supervisor sees the Supervisee as quite interesting and capable, but incomplete and therefore in need of some help and advice. The Supervisee does not respond to this aid as expected and this will often increase the Supervisor's attempts to change the Supervisee. Because the Supervisee naturally does not understand what it is that the Supervisor wants from them, this may irritate the Supervisor, who thinks that the Supervisee simply does not want to understand.

    In relations of Supervision it may also appear as if the Supervisor patronises the Supervisee, which can be quite obtrusive for the latter. When there are more than two people present, the Supervisee often attempts to release themselves from the control of the Supervisor by starting arguments for the sake of it or by attempting to manoeuvre themselves into the commanding position. Unfortunately, these attempts lead nowhere. The Supervisor may think instead that the Supervisee simply requires more attention.

    Supervision partners often look like good friends. The reason for this is that in these relations both partners can sense their social value: the Supervisor as a "guardian angel", without whom the Supervisee will get into trouble, and the Supervisee as the object of attention. "

    This was copied from "Socionics" web site. I would cite it properly but I have not posted enough to quote web sites yet. Hope its not plagiarism.

  6. #86
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    [QUOTE=Creative;1104208]I am new and everyone has probably moved on...but I am still researching .... I found this today on a web site and wondered what you think of it?

    It is describing the relationship between an ENFP and an ISFJ. I think, based on my experience as a female ENFP, that the supervisor role is filled by the ISFJ, based on how he seems to feel responsible for teaching me how to be just like him.

    I read all this already, it describes it with ENFP/INTJ...can't remember the supervisor/ supervise pairing
    being with an ISFJ :/

  7. #87
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    The Complete relationship chart between psychological ("personality") types has the same symbol for both the ISTJ and the ISPJ when paired with the ENFP.

  8. #88
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by Creative View Post
    The Complete relationship chart between psychological ("personality") types has the same symbol for both the ISTJ and the ISPJ when paired with the ENFP.
    Oh, I must have missed it. Just so we're on the same page you're talking about the supervisor/ supervise pairing ?
    I'd love to see the link with the supervisor pairing with ISTJ if you can leave it, much appreciated, thanks :)

  9. #89
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Lets see if this will let me post it... socionics.com/rel/relcht.htm

    I have to have 15 posts to post a link and I only have 8.

  10. #90
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    sooo...in an attempt to post a 10th time...is there any hope for equality? I do not want a supervisor. Marriage is not a job with a boss.
    MuChApArAdOx thanked this post.


 

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