ISFJ guys, do you ever feel... awkward?

**NARCO** · 12-30-2010 10:39 AM

What I mean is, a lot of ISFJ's say they show random emotions in public (crying?), is this so with you guys? Do you ever feel awkward around other guys? I'm guessing you don't seem as "cold" as the ISTJ's? You're probably better at socializing too.

So what's the deal? What is it like to live as an ISFJ guy in a world where men are expected to do certain things and make certain decisions? Do your emotions get in the way? Do you ever feel emasculated or anything?

**teddy564339** · 12-30-2010 01:40 PM

Yeah, there have definitely been many times where I've felt "awkward" for lack of a better word.

I would imagine all introverted feeling males feel this to a degree, at least. We don't have the more natural social attraction that extroverts do and don't have the tough, more stone-faced outlook that thinkers do. This was especially difficult as a kid, where I felt like I was more sensitive than most other boys.

It may be partly due to my Enneagram type 6, but this led to me trusting authority figures a lot more than peers. I felt like it was so easy to please teachers and parents just by following the rules, but in order to get social approval I had to be something that I wasn't.

To a degree I still feel the same thing, but it's not as bad anymore. I've found friends that accept me for who I am, and if I focus on that rather than the people who may not, then I've enjoyed myself much more. I will admit that females tend to accept me more easily than males, but I have male friends (usually introverts) who do. There have been times where I feel somewhat emasculated, usually in groups of guys, or in cases where I feel I have to prove something to girls, but for the most part I stopped letting that bother me as much.

But I'm not one to show strong emotions to those that I don't rust very well, and I've even had a few people think that I'm a Thinking type. Usually people find me to be quiet and boring at first, but also nice and friendly. Usually once people get to know me they find me quite likable, but at the same time I usually don't form really strong bonds with most people.

**NARCO** · 01-01-2011 07:50 AM

Do you feel insulted that the ISFJ forum title is "Nurturers"? What does "nurture" mean to you? What actions do you take to "nurture" people?

**teddy564339** · 01-01-2011 09:12 AM

Anyone else find our forum symbol funny?

I talked about it a little bit in that thread, but...I don't think "insulted" is the right word. I'm not really bothered by that as our title because I think it's just about as fitting as anything else. I might prefer "helpers" instead because I'm not really much of a nurturer myself, at least not in the conventional sense.

I think for me I'm just more of a calm, kind helping personality. I'm good at listening to people and their problems and helping them when I can. I'm good at being nice and supportive. I'm good at working hard and giving and not expecting much in return.

I don't think that really fits in with what I think of when I think of "nurturing", but I can see how they're related.

**NARCO** · 01-02-2011 06:21 PM

Is it possible for you ISFJ guys to "smother" someone? I hear the ISFJ girls are pretty good at it.

I can't imagine you would do this on purpose, but how would you go about doing it?

What do you think the main comparison's are between male ISTJ's and yourselves? I mean, other than the obvious... for example the ISTJ's are "colder".

**teddy564339** · 01-02-2011 07:01 PM

Originally Posted by NARCO

Is it possible for you ISFJ guys to "smother" someone? I hear the ISFJ girls are pretty good at it.

I can't imagine you would do this on purpose, but how would you go about doing it?

I don't know, I think ESFJ's are much more likely to smother people due to their dominant Fe. I guess some ISFJ girls do it, but I don't feel like I really ever do that myself. I tend to back off of people and only get close when I know they want me to.

Originally Posted by NARCO

What do you think the main comparison's are between male ISTJ's and yourselves? I mean, other than the obvious... for example the ISTJ's are "colder".

I was trying to dig up some of my posts on how I feel ISFJ's and ISTJ's are different, but I couldn't find them. It's hard for me to say because the only surefire ISTJ I know is my mom.

I really think the two types are very similar and don't have that much that's different. The main thing I always see is the Fe vs. Te difference. I think I'm more likely to think about how things affect other people and and ISTJ is more likely to kind of put the blinders one and do what they makes sense and stick with that. I also think ISFJ's are probably more sensitive and sentimental than ISTJ's are on average.

But ISFJ males tend to hide a lot of that sensitivity so much that we probably strike people like ISTJ males anyway.

**NARCO** · 01-02-2011 07:41 PM

Originally Posted by teddy564339

I
But ISFJ males tend to hide a lot of that sensitivity so much that we probably strike people like ISTJ males anyway.

I agree with this.

I'm trying to learn more about ISTJ females. The ISFJ girls are very nice and friendly. The ISTJ girls are cold and mean, at least, until they get to know you...

The ISFJ guys are cold/uncertain when you first meet them until they get used to you, but you ISFJ guys tend to be friendly.

Is that fair to say?

**teddy564339** · 01-02-2011 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by NARCO

I agree with this.

I'm trying to learn more about ISTJ females. The ISFJ girls are very nice and friendly. The ISTJ girls are cold and mean, at least, until they get to know you...

The ISFJ guys are cold/uncertain when you first meet them until they get used to you, but you ISFJ guys tend to be friendly.

Is that fair to say?

I think that sounds about right. ISFJ's probably come across as more friendly than ISTJ's, but sometimes we're misread at first too. I've had people tell me that their first impression of me was that I was standoff-ish. It's probably due to my shyness and nervousness, and I probably try to cover that up by acting "tougher" than I really am. But usually my friendly nature comes out too...I give a lot of supportive and encouraging smiles, even if I don't say much.

**NARCO** · 01-02-2011 08:13 PM

Hmm... this sounds like me but without the smiles.

So you smile a lot?

**teddy564339** · 01-03-2011 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by NARCO

Hmm... this sounds like me but without the smiles.

So you smile a lot?

It kind of depends. I usually smile to hide my nervousness, and also to make a good impression. Like, when I'm first meeting someone, especially in a group, I'll almost always smile or give a small laugh if they ever try to make a humorous comment, whether I find it funny or not.

But sometimes I've had people tell me I don't smile enough, too. So it's hard to say.