[Liminality]

I can relate, I don't feel like I could ever date because I'm so hit and miss with openness, and needy, paranoied and irrational deep down when it comes to intimacy and relationships.

So far I've been trying to stay on a middle ground - be moderately open more and more with more people I'm close to, rather than unload on one person. Making sure I remember how irrational I can get. Trying to put myself in challenging situations. Maybe five years ago I had serious trouble talking to people I didn't know when not accompanied by friends or family - I'd go mad with unhealthy Ne, now I'm able to join groups and be pretty sociable without some kind of safety net or feeling like I'm a waste of oxygen, first notice how dramatic that sort of thing can sound, then learn to find a little humour in it, be endeared by some of your faults, be forgiving to yourself and note good points, learn to do the same more with others in your mind and heart. Positivity makes it easier to trust and relate imo.

It's good you're finding humour, like krwheel says, the next step for me - maybe it's different for you - was to find the phrase 'It's okay' 'It'll be okay' 'It's going to be okay' - things arn't going to go wrong because I deserve it, it's not wrong for good things to happen to me, I deserve love just like anyone else - in songs and just repeating it to myself when things get difficult. I guess finding something somewhat intangible, not one agony aunt that's 'safe' for you. Maybe just a safe song.

[Marvinteck]

Thank you all for your responses. They were all very helpful. Ive been doing allot of thinking and reflecting lately. I do tend to focus on the negative allot. I think the worst possible scenario when I think of what people are thinking of me. I make allot of assumptions that may or may not be true. I told a friend once its easier for me to beat myself and reject myself than to have other people do it.

At work I view myself as an social outcast. I dont talk much at work. Im beginning to realize I am the one that keep people at arms legnth. In the past Ive assumed people were judging me and didnt like me at work. In fact theres a group of four guys that work in the front office that will go to lunch and leave me behind to watch the shop. I never get invited out to lunch with them. I am left all by myself to each lunch alone. In the past I have perceived this as me being excluded from the popular group because they must not like me. I realize last week that is not the case at all. I was thinking about taking off and go home for lunch. I realized if I left my boss be left by himself while the rest of us went our separate ways for lunch. It gave me a whole new perspective on the situation. They arent ditching me at lunch. Its just how the dynamics at work play out pretty much. They dont hate me. They know Im not very social and it would probably feel awkward if I went out to lunch with them since I dont talk to them during the day. Thats why Im left to watch the shop while they go out.

Making progress towards a better me. :-)

[Liminality]

Thank you all for your responses. They were all very helpful. Ive been doing allot of thinking and reflecting lately. I do tend to focus on the negative allot. I think the worst possible scenario when I think of what people are thinking of me. I make allot of assumptions that may or may not be true. I told a friend once its easier for me to beat myself and reject myself than to have other people do it.

At work I view myself as an social outcast. I dont talk much at work. Im beginning to realize I am the one that keep people at arms legnth. In the past Ive assumed people were judging me and didnt like me at work. In fact theres a group of four guys that work in the front office that will go to lunch and leave me behind to watch the shop. I never get invited out to lunch with them. I am left all by myself to each lunch alone. In the past I have perceived this as me being excluded from the popular group because they must not like me. I realize last week that is not the case at all. I was thinking about taking off and go home for lunch. I realized if I left my boss be left by himself while the rest of us went our separate ways for lunch. It gave me a whole new perspective on the situation. They arent ditching me at lunch. Its just how the dynamics at work play out pretty much. They dont hate me. They know Im not very social and it would probably feel awkward if I went out to lunch with them since I dont talk to them during the day. Thats why Im left to watch the shop while they go out.

Making progress towards a better me. :-)

If doubts ever start to creep in about any positive reframing, they're all silly and irrational and misinformed, give them a hug and tell them to leave you alone. I've had that sort of in head conversation before almost word for word, and keep on having it - though more infrequently as time and practice goes on. Stay confident, don't doubt you deserve it. Even if you do, remember it's something that will make both you and others around you happier for it.