Is receiving UNCOMFORTABLE for ISFJ's?

**jamescarrolls** · 09-23-2010 02:05 PM

Is it common or natural for ISFJ's to feel uncomfortable to recieve things from others? Especially if the items you give maybe expensive? Or to even do things for them? Does not neccessarily have to do with money but just giving them a hand? Is it uncomfortable for some ISFJ's? I need your help on this topic ISFJ's.

**Jackques** · 09-23-2010 02:38 PM

for me,.. in the past when i was more of an ISFJ then i am now.. yes..

especcially because i had kindoff a big pride thing in which i needed no help from others, and only preferred to give help instead of receiving it. I also did not want to receive help because it would convey me as weak.

now however.. i just take whatever others want to give me, and altough i may be a bit uncomfortable if they give something expensive, because im mostly the person who would do something in return for them, but if it isnt a big thing then i just dont care and be thankfull.

just my opinion

**teddy564339** · 09-23-2010 03:23 PM

I think this is generally true, at least for me. I get very uncomfortable when put into a big spotlight too much...I start feeling guilty.

I think when I feel like I'm getting rewarded for something I deserve, then I don't feel as uncomfortable. For me, genuine displays of appreciation and value mean a whole lot to me...they make me very happy.

But if I feel I'm getting a big gift for doing nothing, I get very uncomfortable. Like I said, I feel guilty and undeserving.

I do think ISFJ's have trouble asking for help and tend to be control freaks in their own lives. For me, it boils down to insecurity...sometimes I feel inadequate, and I feel like asking for help is admitting that. It gives me confidence and makes me feel good when I accomplish something myself.

**jamescarrolls** · 09-23-2010 03:34 PM

You guys suck in that category Teddy! Laugh with me! I mean it as a joke. Why should you feel that way, especially if we are friends. Isn't that what friends do for eachother? Unless friendship was something that wasn't really on top of our list? How do you guys feel about friendship? Would you help a friend out if you were able to? My gosh, I cannot believe that you could not receive help because of pride or misunderstanding of how you see it? Gosh you guys are selfish!!!! Laugh with me Teddy. ps. Thanks for explaining that to me. Thats sucks though. Because for me, INFJ's I like or love to help others when they are important to me. And I enjoy doing things like that. You ISFJ's are very selfish when it comes to receiving things from others. This is more frustrating than I thought!!!! Thanks Teddy for your insight.

**teddy564339** · 09-23-2010 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by jamescarrolls

You guys suck in that category Teddy! Laugh with me! I mean it as a joke. Why should you feel that way, especially if we are friends. Isn't that what friends do for eachother? Unless friendship was something that wasn't really on top of our list? How do you guys feel about friendship? Would you help a friend out if you were able to? My gosh, I cannot believe that you could not receive help because of pride or misunderstanding of how you see it? Gosh you guys are selfish!!!! Laugh with me Teddy. ps. Thanks for explaining that to me. Thats sucks though. Because for me, INFJ's I like or love to help others when they are important to me. And I enjoy doing things like that. You ISFJ's are very selfish when it comes to receiving things from others. This is more frustrating than I thought!!!! Thanks Teddy for your insight.

Like I said, I think it's a lot more about insecurity than it is about selfishness. I don't think ISFJ's are trying to make other people feel bad when they do it, it's moreso a feeling of fear of feeling inadequate.

For me, it's not as big of a deal when I deeply trust someone and am very close to them. If I know that someone loves, accepts, and appreciates me for who I am, then I trust them deeply, and I don't feel insecure. In those cases, I don't mind them helping me, and in fact I usually greatly enjoy it. But there are only a few people in my life that I feel that deep sense of security and trust with. Once it's there, everything works out very nicely.

**Rowan** · 09-25-2010 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by jamescarrolls

Is it common or natural for ISFJ's to feel uncomfortable to recieve things from others? Especially if the items you give maybe expensive? Or to even do things for them? Does not neccessarily have to do with money but just giving them a hand? Is it uncomfortable for some ISFJ's? I need your help on this topic ISFJ's.

I LOVE getting gifts. I get all giddy! As to people doing things for me, I am more surprised when it happens than uncomfortable, and then fairly grateful someone took the time to help me out-especially if I didn't ask for help in the first place and maybe I should have.......! (although sometimes an itty-bitty part of me wonders why they helped me in the first place......)

I have started to become ok with asking for help when I need it. I used to not be comfortable with it because as I think Teddy already said it kind of indicates a weakness on my part.....But now I am becoming ok with it.

Originally Posted by jamescarrolls

You guys suck in that category Teddy! Laugh with me! I mean it as a joke. Why should you feel that way, especially if we are friends. Isn't that what friends do for eachother? Unless friendship was something that wasn't really on top of our list? How do you guys feel about friendship? Would you help a friend out if you were able to? My gosh, I cannot believe that you could not receive help because of pride or misunderstanding of how you see it? Gosh you guys are selfish!!!! Laugh with me Teddy. ps. Thanks for explaining that to me. Thats sucks though. Because for me, INFJ's I like or love to help others when they are important to me. And I enjoy doing things like that. You ISFJ's are very selfish when it comes to receiving things from others. This is more frustrating than I thought!!!! Thanks Teddy for your insight.

I laughed at the joke, jamescarrolls! It made me smile

I think if you make it clear you would like to help b/c you value said ISFJ and the friendship you two have, maybe that would gain you some headway?

I wonder too if the reason some ISFJs are uncomfortable with being helped is because they are so unused to it they are suspicious of it? It has been mentioned before that the ISFJ nurturing nature is sometimes taken for granted by others. I would assume when that happens the people taking the ISFJ for granted are not going out of their way to help out. Sooooo when help is provided it is unusual, out of the norm, etc. etc.

These are all just my own thoughts though. I am only one ISFJ, and will/can not speak for all, but I hope this helped you out a bit.

People are fascinating.

**jamescarrolls** · 09-26-2010 12:55 AM

Originally Posted by Rowan

I LOVE getting gifts. I get all giddy! As to people doing things for me, I am more surprised when it happens than uncomfortable, and then fairly grateful someone took the time to help me out-especially if I didn't ask for help in the first place and maybe I should have.......! (although sometimes an itty-bitty part of me wonders why they helped me in the first place......)

I have started to become ok with asking for help when I need it. I used to not be comfortable with it because as I think Teddy already said it kind of indicates a weakness on my part.....But now I am becoming ok with it.

I laughed at the joke, jamescarrolls! It made me smile

I think if you make it clear you would like to help b/c you value said ISFJ and the friendship you two have, maybe that would gain you some headway?

I wonder too if the reason some ISFJs are uncomfortable with being helped is because they are so unused to it they are suspicious of it? It has been mentioned before that the ISFJ nurturing nature is sometimes taken for granted by others. I would assume when that happens the people taking the ISFJ for granted are not going out of their way to help out. Sooooo when help is provided it is unusual, out of the norm, etc. etc.

These are all just my own thoughts though. I am only one ISFJ, and will/can not speak for all, but I hope this helped you out a bit.

People are fascinating.

Thank you very much Miss Rowan. I'm happy you enjoyed that!!!! Ahahahaha! Whoever this person Teddy is, I am grateful for his insight. He is honest and truthful that I need to make him laugh. And if I can get any other ISFJ's to laugh, I am grateful. I love to make or see a smile. That is strange what you had said about ISFJ's. You commented that ISFJ's are taken for granted and when someone does help they are sometimes suspicious!!!! OMG that sucks!!!! That's exactly how she feels. She Sucks!!!! Ahahahah. Makes me feel ughhhhh!!!!! Why!!!! Can't people just do things for other because of who you are???? Awe!!!! She drives me crazy!!!! Ahahahahha. She just can't believe that people just do things for people out of LOVE. I tried to convince her that I even do things for strangers and imagine how much more I would do or give to a friend. I think either I need to get my head examined or she needs to be committed!!!! Thanks again Miss Rowan!!!! ps. Maybe in another 20 years she will figure me out and finally get used to it. But I will not hold my breath on it!!! She's worth it. Your all worth it!!!!

**Liminality** · 09-26-2010 10:14 AM

I love getting gifts - though I'm a little awkward with thankyous, - it can irk me when people offer help with small crafty things (making things), or little tasks when I'm determined to do it on my own.

Recieving affection can be uncomfortable for me, I can enjoy it, but if someone's physically affectionate, particularly if I've not known them long I won't know how to feel or respond to it past smiling or just being deadpan and telling them to get off. I don't know how to relax about it - mainly people I've not known for long, but even with people I have known for a long time.

Recieving emotional support can make me uncomfortable, and if I feel I'm being intruded upon can make me irritable/reactive and shut them out. Sometimes it's a case of not knowing how I should be reacting, feeling like I don't know what to say, being scared of opening up, being scared of looking like a fool, opening up too much and feeling selfish and overindulgent, getting panicky and forgetting what I'm saying, feeling like I have to get it perfect - even if I don't know what handling the situation perfectly is; the perfect course of action. Kind of like wrestling with myself.

**HandiAce** · 09-26-2010 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by Jackques

for me,.. in the past when i was more of an ISFJ then i am now.. yes..

especcially because i had kindoff a big pride thing in which i needed no help from others, and only preferred to give help instead of receiving it. I also did not want to receive help because it would convey me as weak.

now however.. i just take whatever others want to give me, and altough i may be a bit uncomfortable if they give something expensive, because im mostly the person who would do something in return for them, but if it isnt a big thing then i just dont care and be thankfull.

just my opinion

A while ago my parents told me about all the things they did to raise/support me and I upset them by saying "That only makes me feel worse." I said that because I was mad that they had made the efforts to do something they didn't have to do for me and because I don't feel any better, even with their support, makes me feel bad because then I feel like I need to take responsibility of their actions. I feel unsure how I should feel now because they supported me all these years, took care of a lot of my things and I just took it all for granted until now...

**jamescarrolls** · 09-26-2010 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by Liminality

I love getting gifts - though I'm a little awkward with thankyous, - it can irk me when people offer help with small crafty things (making things), or little tasks when I'm determined to do it on my own.

Recieving affection can be uncomfortable for me, I can enjoy it, but if someone's physically affectionate, particularly if I've not known them long I won't know how to feel or respond to it past smiling or just being deadpan and telling them to get off. I don't know how to relax about it - mainly people I've not known for long, but even with people I have known for a long time.

Recieving emotional support can make me uncomfortable, and if I feel I'm being intruded upon can make me irritable/reactive and shut them out. Sometimes it's a case of not knowing how I should be reacting, feeling like I don't know what to say, being scared of opening up, being scared of looking like a fool, opening up too much and feeling selfish and overindulgent, getting panicky and forgetting what I'm saying, feeling like I have to get it perfect - even if I don't know what handling the situation perfectly is; the perfect course of action. Kind of like wrestling with myself.

Sheesh!!! Sounds to me that you need a hug!!!! Just kiddng Liminality!!!! With your avatar picture, I definitely would be scared to meet you. You's guys are too much but honest, and I thank each and everyone for that. I wish I could set you on a date with someone that loves to give hugs. Just to see you turn red and flop around like a fish out of water!!! Laugh with me Liminality!!!! And Thank you.