[Dreaming]

As ISFJ's do you ever really open up to anyone and share your deep down feelings or do you always keep them to yourself?

[HandiAce]

I'm afraid to show them, but nowadays I'll sometimes take the leap of faith.

[teddy564339]

I do, but I only do it if I'm really close with someone. I really have to trust that person and have confidence that they won't treat me differently once I've revealed something about myself to them.

I would say that I have four friends that I can tell just about everything about myself. I can also tell my mom a whole lot about myself.

I do have some secrets that I've never told anyone in person. I have actually told some of my secrets to people online (who share similar secrets) and actually created some online friends. That's really nice and it's helped me a lot, because I can tell these people pretty much everything about me.



I think the thing for me (and probably most ISFJ's) is that I crave consistency. Also, my Fe function drives me to want to make everyone around me happy. The problem is that sometimes this is so strong that I put others' happiness before my own in areas where I should be putting my own happiness first. So sometimes I deny myself (and in some cases, deny being myself) in order to please others, which is very bad. So this makes me self-conscious in order to please them and make them happy.

So, because I want to be accepted and keep others thinking positively of me, I am very guarded about what I share. I'm afraid that if I cross a line and go too far, I'll make someone not like me, therefore messing up both the consistency that I've established and making the other person think less of me.


That's the blessing and the curse that we ISFJ's have...we work so hard to make others around us happy (and I know at least I try to come across as perfect, another issue we sometimes have) that it makes us pleasant and other people like us. But it also keeps us from opening up completely and showing our true selves. As a result, we tend to have few friends, but also few who hate us or have a problem with us.


Of course, like all types, we can overcome our issues, but it takes patience and work. I'm just describing our natural tendencies and how we function.



I think most ISFJ's would agree with what I described, but like always I can only totally speak for myself, not all ISFJ's.

[Thrifty Walrus]

I have never done that with anyone, ever. I don't think it's that bad though, I suppose I really can't say though since it's all I've ever known. Generally, I am afraid of long term relationships, but that is one of the few reasons I am intrigued by it. I'd like to tell someone my deepest thoughts. I think I'm making myself depressed lol. For the record I'm only 17 so it's not like I'm some 50 year old loner just so you guys know ;)

[Seeker99]

Well see, I got a bit tipsy last night... well a lot tipsy....

But other than that, never.

[restlessdiesels]

I've never opened up completely to anyone. I like to keep some level of distance or privacy just to feel safe, but I also have AvPD so that might be a contributing cause. There are, however, two people who I share a great deal with, and another person who I feel like I could share a great deal with if we were closer. I tend to favour introverts as confidants.

I've also noticed that I may share one thing with someone, but then not share it with another person. For example, I'm happy to share my writing with my teachers but would not share it with people I am closer to. I might share my concerns about a friendship with my sister, but choose not to disclose these concerns to my boyfriend. I think it's because I don't want any one person to know the whole me, for some strange reason.

[BehindSmile]

It's always been easy for me to open up my feelings...but I often feel stupid for the way I feel. I mostly only open up about how I feel because I am looking for assurance that I'm not stupid for feeling the way I do...

[Liminality]

I've never opened up completely to anyone. I like to keep some level of distance or privacy just to feel safe, but I also have AvPD so that might be a contributing cause. There are, however, two people who I share a great deal with, and another person who I feel like I could share a great deal with if we were closer. I tend to favour introverts as confidants.

I've also noticed that I may share one thing with someone, but then not share it with another person. For example, I'm happy to share my writing with my teachers but would not share it with people I am closer to. I might share my concerns about a friendship with my sister, but choose not to disclose these concerns to my boyfriend. I think it's because I don't want any one person to know the whole me, for some strange reason.

I would agree with this mostly - though I've not got AvPD, and as for not wanting...all the eggs in one basket...I think it's more a case of who I feel comfortable telling things to. Like watercolours, certain colours won't mix in well; will be distinctly uncomfortable and out of place, in my head. Not in the sense so much of keeping others happy, rather more my own, somewhat instinctual internal sense of... harmony, security and order. Like waiting for the right moment, but all the moments being people and situations.

But to an extent I definately agree that I don't want all things expressed to everyone; I'd feel streched thin.

Sometimes it can be the small things I don't express - often don't realise I'm not expressing, or feel awkward expressing; thanks and sorries and glad you're heres, compliments, or I wish you'd stop that sort've thing.

Regarding...true deep down feelings...I'm not sure, I did to a friend once, but it got exhausting, and the friendship didn't go so well.

I think in a way, because I lack social confidence deep down, it can be expressing my self in certain, every day ways in the same way to the different sections of people inmy life, and saying those small things mentioned above that can be the mostdifficult, because at the end of the day, if I'm really upset, I probably won't be able to stop my self crying an such.

Anger I find very difficult to deal with, so it's a bit of a different kettle of fish, I don't tend to like to express it, and often don't realise I'm annoyed, denial to a degree.

Anxiety is probably the deep dow feelinng I purposefully hide, try to hide, and have the most conscious awareness of.

Guilt is the worst emotion for me, and more than purposefully try to hide, when I feel it, it's a battle; sometimes against myself, sometimes just not to feel it at all - not just trying to put the emotion away; deal with it; let it go, as I migt with anxiety - though that can get pretty overpowering at times.

[Dreaming]

I asked because my ISFJ guy...it seems like he doesn't tell me that much. On the other hand, he is the person I tell like everything that I don't tell other people. When I ask him about it he says I am the person he would run to if he needed to talk about things but apparently he just doesn't have that need as often as me. It makes me wonder though if he ever tells anyone stuff because there are things I would love to know more about and he does not talk about them.

[restlessdiesels]

I asked because my ISFJ guy...it seems like he doesn't tell me that much. On the other hand, he is the person I tell like everything that I don't tell other people. When I ask him about it he says I am the person he would run to if he needed to talk about things but apparently he just doesn't have that need as often as me. It makes me wonder though if he ever tells anyone stuff because there are things I would love to know more about and he does not talk about them.

Well, we're the nurturers. We like people to come to us if they need to talk, but we don't necessarily like to reach out to other people. I usually like to internalize things and sort stuff out by myself, though if something is really bothering me I will talk to my best friend or boyfriend about it.

How long have you two been together? My boyfriend is an INFP and since we started dating almost two years ago he has been trying to get me to share more of myself. I often ask him for stories about his childhood or how he's feeling, and when he asks the same from me I often give a generic answer and he has to pry for more.

It's not that I don't feel comfortable with him, I am just more interested in hearing him talk. But I do appreciate him trying to get me to open up - it shows me that he cares. I've noticed that the longer I'm in the relationship, the more likely I am to share things, and these things are usually brought up in a general conversation rather than when he's questioning me. I guess it's just taken me a while to realize that someone is just as interested in knowing me as I am in knowing them!