This is a discussion on A question to all ISFJ's within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Hi there, I am concerned about my friend who is an INTJ, she's in a relationship with an ISFJ .. ...
Hi there,
I am concerned about my friend who is an INTJ, she's in a relationship with an ISFJ ..
from my point of view i dont think two introverts work together, im just not sure about that.. and i really dont know how their relationship has been going lately.. but since there are a lot of ISFJ's over here I wanna know how things go with you and INTJ's? does things work out smoothly?.. please elaborate.
Other than ISFJ's are more than welcomed to answer my question :)
i could understand ur concern if it was the isfj u were concerned about.my mother is isfj and my sister is intj. she takes advantage of my mothers good nature alot!i try to encourage my mother to learn how to say no to my sister but it goes in one ear and out the other. though i actually get on better with my sister than my mam.i think they are both at fault for their give/take relationship.i just stay out of it nowadays.if my mam wants to be a doormat it's her life!
by the way i also try to get my sister to see the error of her ways too and she does listen but she can't help who she is.it doesn't helped that she has been raised to be spoilt brat either!
Last edited by Trope; 06-04-2009 at 11:19 AM.
My brother is INFJ and his wife is ISFP. They are both introverts and they have a very strong relationship. Two introverts together can work.
I can not give insight on a romantic level, but I do have a very good INTJ friend and we get along quite well. I have heard that INTJs and ISFJs typically clash, but I haven't had a problem. That might be because I my T is well developed and her F is also well developed. You might also want to take that in to account. Sorry I couldn't be of my help.
Not sure if you still need replies about your ISFJ friend but I thought I'd reply anyway because I have lots of ISFJ friends and I am INTJ. I can't answer how these two types go romantically since I have never been out with an ISFJ but here's the interesting thing. INTJs and ISFJs are pretty much the opposite of each other in terms of function order. Look at this:Originally Posted by Flemaz
INTJ: Ni, Te, Fi, Se, Ne, Ti, Fe, Si
ISFJ: Si, Fe, Ti, Ne, Se, Fi, Te, Ni
Completely back to front. I find that with my closest ISFJ friend all her strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa. This can mean that sometimes we have really explosive arguments and misunderstand each other easily or can irritate each other. For example
She talks mostly (non-stop) in details – INTJs get stressed out by too many details so I start getting antsy after a while because my brain feels full.
I can solve problems by forward projecting what I think might happen before it has (e.g. fixing her computer by guessing what the likely outcome of my actions will be). This stresses her out because she bases similar decisions on practical experience from the past and prefers to see some proof first.
We both tend to ramble but she will ramble details in a brief, sequential manner (which to me sounds like reading out a shopping list) and I ramble associations and symbolic stuff in a lot of depth randomly which to her sounds like a lot of nonsensical gobbledegook without any defining features. When I do that she feels bored because it seems like I am talking about nothing. When she talks in details I feel the same way because I am waiting for her to explain what the meaning is between each item on the list!
She is very kind-hearted and gets her feelings hurt easier than I do. Being a logical thinker I can seem quite blunt to her sometimes.
She notices the relationships between people better than I do. I get on really well with her INTP husband and she jokes about us being love-birds quite often. That can be confusing to me because I don't know whether she is joking to be funny or imply something and trying to make a hint.
So the above things can sometimes piss us both off and lead to arguments. I've figured out though that to get on well with her I should do things like be mindful of taking her feelings into account when saying something logical and explain the details of things (like why the computer is fixed) with a past tense example. And if I want to talk about things in depth it is better if she chooses the topic. I have a similar experience with my other ISFJ friends so it wouldn't surprise me if these types of problems would irk those in an ISFJ/INTJ relationship as well. Aside from those things we do have things in common though like both being introverted and decisive and having absurd senses of humour.
Regarding two introverts in a relationship. This can work quite well. My partner is ISTP and the great thing is that we both like our own space so we basically leave each other alone most of the time which suits both of us. I don't think I could be as happy with a loud extroverted person in my face all the time.
I'm an INTJ married to an ISFJ. Much depends upon the individuals in the relationship and their individual issues. But, in general, I can tell you that it is like mixing water and oil. Not only do they not mix, but they cannot mix. If your friend is like some INTJs, i.e., a deep thinker, prone to abstractions, and very analytical, then he/she will find little in common.
I am an ISFJ / ISFP married to an INTJ and we're still together and faithful after 21 years. We have our clashes (we both can be quite emotional), but we adore each other. So, yeah, it can work.
Not sure what carbonbased means, saying some INTJs are deep thinkers, prone to abstractions and very analytical and thus implying that ISFJs are not. I am highly analytical and a deep thinker. Prone to abstractions, no. Prone to distractions, yes.
Introverts can get along very nicely together.
ISFJ and INTJ can butt heads a lot though.
I think for me, it would depend on the ISFJ (as with any other pesonality type). There are a couple of people at work who I am pretty sure are ISFJs, and I get along well with them (partially because I have to put on an ISFJ front at work to...well...be a functional member of society lol). I think outside of work, it is hard to say. I would say any clashes I would have with an ISFJ is that they would be too "conventional" and not as interested in absurdities. They tend to think I am very strange :o. But I also get along well with them in the sense that they are dependable and on time and are very considerate, so on the whole, I personally don't see any issues except for nit-picky things (our interests usually clash).
I've been told before that I think very existentially which is true.I am an ISFJ / ISFP married to an INTJ and we're still together and faithful after 21 years. We have our clashes (we both can be quite emotional), but we adore each other. So, yeah, it can work.
Not sure what carbonbased means, saying some INTJs are deep thinkers, prone to abstractions and very analytical and thus implying that ISFJs are not. I am highly analytical and a deep thinker. Prone to abstractions, no. Prone to distractions, yes.
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