[ISFJ] What do ISFJs typically think of ISTJs?

What do ISFJs typically think of ISTJs?

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This is a discussion on What do ISFJs typically think of ISTJs? within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Hey folks. I've yet to actually meet (that I know of) an ISFJ in real life, but you guys sound ...

  1. #1
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    What do ISFJs typically think of ISTJs?

    Hey folks. I've yet to actually meet (that I know of) an ISFJ in real life, but you guys sound like a sort of sweeter-but-still-level-headed sort of version of us ISTJs. I totally want to get to know an ISFJ if the opportunity presents itself to me, but I'm not entirely sure how an ISFJ would take to someone like myself.

    I'm not trying to ask what I should pretend to be to please an ISFJ if I suspect I am interacting with one - I find it blasphemous to be fake and put on a show. But still, I'm curious how I'd be with an ISFJ.

    Of course asking a general question as this will receive different answers; individual people like different things, some may have had interactions with unhealthy ISTJs, and enneagram and other things might play a role too.

    But my question stands for the sake of getting opinions - how do you ISFJs usually find ISTJs? What do you like/not like? Do you find that we'd be destined for a life of tranquility and isolation or would we still have our fun together? Thanks! :)
    Infermiera, niss and Adrift thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Well given that I mistyped myself as ISTJ for awhile, I'd say we're pretty similar to. The only differences I noticed (browsing the forums) was the adherence to schedules and being organized more so in ISTJs and making more decisions based on cold-hard facts rather than values.

  3. #3
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    I actually know 2 ISTJ's. They're both male and they have eerily similar characteristics.

    I find ISTJ's to be very organized, predictable, very methodical. They have a system, and you can't mess with their system. They don't like to miss work. They don't like change. Both work in jobs where there's so much change. They get stressed easily when this happens and can't think clearly. they then grumble a lot about these changes. This is really fun to hear.
    at first they seem very boring but when i got to know them, they seem to have fun sides as well. although there are times that they revert back to being boring.
    They are really loyal friends. One of the ISTJ's that i know seem to always make a point to talk to me even if his schedule is full packed. Until finally, I had to tell him that he didn't have to talk to me. He relaxed after that. hehehe
    They also tend to be narrow minded. When they set their minds to something, they tend to stick with it. They are not very open to other ideas unless I can present my case well.
    They can't often sense when I'm hurt, irritated, or angry. I've cried many a times in private because of my ISTJ's. They can seem really uncaring. the key is to not get affected by their uncaringness(?) I've had so much doubt on how much I really mean to them.

    All in all, i get along really well with both ISTJ's. i find that making them laugh is really easy. I can rely on them being there because they said they would. The only thing is that, I find that it's really difficult to discern whether they're talking to you because they want to or because they feel like they need to. I sometimes have to ask them what they really want because they won't say anything. So far, this is all I can think of.

    I like ISTJ's despite of everything. There are times that my relationship with both guys are tranquil but there are also moments when we don't see eye to eye. and of course there are fun times as well. so, i think an ISTJ-ISFJ relationship could be a very interesting thing.
    niss, Mendi the ISFJ, datMBTIguy and 2 others thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Depends on the ISTJ for me. My dad's an ISTJ, and we actually have some issues with each other. It's probably mostly due to weird father-son psychological clash things and other issues that aren't related to type. I don't like how he states some of his opinions or how he talks about how people do things "wrong"(including me). I respect my dad and how he does things, yet I get over-sensitive about his evaluation and my imagination of his evaluation of my life. It's a hard thing to get over. However, I've dated an ISTJ lady once and I have an ISTJ room-mate now, I think. I get along well with both of them even now. It helps that we're from the same generation and don't have weird baggage issues like my dad and I have.

    The relationship with the ISTJ lady didn't work out because we were kind of too much the same. We both had/have some emotional problems too with self-esteem. So, it would have been a nightmare if it lasted much longer than it did. We were in a relationship for three months(talked and hung out for three months before as friends). We communicated well together, but she wanted me to keep in touch with her more frequently than I did. So, sometimes she thought I didn't care about her, but I just didn't feel the need to be in touch everyday. Which may or may not have been an issue also. I don't know for sure. But, it's for the better that it didn't work out. She also said it was different for her to be dating someone who didn't talk a whole lot...strangely I felt like I talked a lot more than her, so that was interesting. I thought she may have wanted more. Which may have been a better thing for both of us. We met online on an internet dating site, and we lived about 20 miles away from each other. We still talk a little bit or go out for coffee like 3 times a year. I think she's a cool person. Though, my best friend doesn't like her at all. Haha.

    My ISTJ room-mate is a really great roomie to have. It works pretty well. We're both OK without having someone over us bossing us around and do what we want. Sometimes we even work together, go shopping, talk about women, talk about emotional things, talk about movies and cultural interests, and make meals. Often we're cool watching a TV show and movie and relaxing. He doesn't show or share his feelings too easily, but he does sometimes and not by the expression on his face. He's totally an ISTJ even though he likes interesting experimental films and music (Beck for example, who's an INFP). He's also into comedy mostly with his own creating. He's a creative type and was raised in that kind of family, but at the same time the way he processes is very Si.
    Adrift, datMBTIguy and niss thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    I've cried many a times in private because of my ISTJ's. They can seem really uncaring. the key is to not get affected by their uncaringness(?) I've had so much doubt on how much I really mean to them.


    Even understanding what's behind this is sort of foreign to me. We can *seem* uncaring but we certainly do care a lot, if we bother to keep you around as a friend then you're very important even if we aren't always the best at expressing this (I've been practicing verbalizing most positive feelings lately - with pretty good success thus far). It certainly is out of my realm of understanding that anyone would cry over having doubt as to what you mean to someone... I can understand it hurting as I deal with this issue as well, but I deal with it in so many other ways perhaps. It's just a difference of course.

    However overall it sounds like a good relationship you have with them and it just makes me more interested in getting to know an ISFJ! I could use some guidance and reminders on sensitivity anyway, if an ISFJ would be open with me about feelings I could benefit from that (if you cry in private who ever learns? Come on, girl!!) :) Thank you very much for the thoughtful response.
    niss and Mendi the ISFJ thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by Slogo View Post
    We communicated well together, but she wanted me to keep in touch with her more frequently than I did. So, sometimes she thought I didn't care about her, but I just didn't feel the need to be in touch everyday.
    That seems sort of strange. Perhaps this isn't a type thing as much as it is a female thing or an individual basis. I think I'd prefer not to be constantly bothered. If I were dating an ISFJ and we only had to touch base when something worth telling happened, I'd probably be fine with that as long as we saw each other reasonably often. I personally don't like having to answer to someone and texting them about every step I take throughout the day.

    What kinds of things help bridge the feelings gap between ISTJs and ISFJs? Any experience with whether that's different from interactions with other feelers? (Most of my friends are ESFJ and ENFP and my roommate is ISFP so I have some familiarity with it, but are ISFJs different?)
    niss thanked this post.

  7. #7
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by datMBTIguy View Post
    Even understanding what's behind this is sort of foreign to me. We can *seem* uncaring but we certainly do care a lot, if we bother to keep you around as a friend then you're very important even if we aren't always the best at expressing this (I've been practicing verbalizing most positive feelings lately - with pretty good success thus far). It certainly is out of my realm of understanding that anyone would cry over having doubt as to what you mean to someone... I can understand it hurting as I deal with this issue as well, but I deal with it in so many other ways perhaps. It's just a difference of course.

    However overall it sounds like a good relationship you have with them and it just makes me more interested in getting to know an ISFJ! I could use some guidance and reminders on sensitivity anyway, if an ISFJ would be open with me about feelings I could benefit from that (if you cry in private who ever learns? Come on, girl!!) :) Thank you very much for the thoughtful response.[/COLOR]
    Well it's refreshing to think that they both actually care. They are soooooo poor at verbalizing feelings. It's annoying. Also, they seem to not appreciate me and the things I do for them. I'm not the type of girl who needs constant reassurances but with them, it's just so frustrating when you've done something so difficult for them and they act like it's no big deal. But I've known them for years and I've gotten used to these things.
    They often come to me for advice with girl stuff. I think it's difficult for them to understand how girls feel. I try and help out as much as I can.
    I cry in private because I know that they won't understand what I feel. It will only confuse them more and would make them feel guilty. All of which I do not wish for them to feel. Besides, my feelings towards their actions are my issues.
    niss and Mendi the ISFJ thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by datMBTIguy View Post
    That seems sort of strange. Perhaps this isn't a type thing as much as it is a female thing or an individual basis. I think I'd prefer not to be constantly bothered. If I were dating an ISFJ and we only had to touch base when something worth telling happened, I'd probably be fine with that as long as we saw each other reasonably often. I personally don't like having to answer to someone and texting them about every step I take throughout the day.
    Yeah, I think it's a gender thing, lack of confidence for both of us, and lack of understanding that I don't want to share everything. She said she's only dated guys who talk a lot too, so it was new for her. Also, I don't like to text people too much. Especially at the time we were going out(I am more comfortable now). I like to text or speak when I think something cool or funny or interesting is going on only. Plus, frankly I guess there wasn't too much to say, and I wasn't certain if she was interested either. I think it's an introverted thing slightly at least to limit what is said. Maybe be harder on yourself editing wise about what is stated.

    What kinds of things help bridge the feelings gap between ISTJs and ISFJs? Any experience with whether that's different from interactions with other feelers? (Most of my friends are ESFJ and ENFP and my roommate is ISFP so I have some familiarity with it, but are ISFJs different?
    Having introverted sensing as a dominant function certainly bridges the gap, and sometimes we're both absolutely happy with the old standby. :) Or we'll both passionate about certain specific things at times, and it's easier to communicate and justify why you like something for what it is alone and it being there to be experienced. There usually isn't a large gap between ISTJs and I. However, when there is, it's usually due to an Fe and Te conflict which actually does occur but not as extremely if ever because ISTJs and ISFJs are a bit lax. It's good to understand the difference between Fi and Fe and Te and Ti, and see where the other is coming from. ISFJs will be more likely to notice how others are feeling and may take note and have this influence their decisions(if it's visible or sensed(?), which it isn't always). ISTJs keep these inside somehow, and will sooner be placid and appear that way. They also just like the do their routine for the sake of it because it works for them, and it's not always like this...but it's a plausible and good reason for doing something a certain way because it worked in the past. This isn't always true, but it is too at times. It's important.

    I find that sometimes I clash with my INFP best friend over the differences of feelings(he's an Fi dominant like your ISFP room-mate). We both have a lot of common interests and some political similarities, yet I worry about the possible evaluations(or feelings) people will give of my actions or feelings. Whereas, he has them inside and they're right because they are there. He's considerate of others too, but not at the expense of not sharing his evaluations first(sometimes I wish he wouldn't, haha.). I am usually wondering before hand if what I am going to say is constructive and isn't going to offend anyone. I've been trying to let this go a bit with me taking responsibility for my words without always focusing on how others evaluate or may evaluate something. If they are actually hurt it matters, but I shouldn't withhold my opinion or just go along because they happen to have that one....it's good to recognize they feel a certain way and not necessarily have that as yours.It's also good to see that people will come from any possible direction about an opinion. Haha. Which is scary too.
    datMBTIguy and niss thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    *giggles evilly to herself*

    how do i find ISTJs to be? well...
    let me give you some background information. Ive been married a long time to an ISTJ. I didnt know about MBTI until about 2 years ago? id have to check that. The problems we have are sometimes related to type and sometimes not. Ive interacted with other ISTJs here on the forum and have noticed some things as well.

    1) bossy. this is one of my biggest complaints. They seem to be so sufficient in their lives and have a expectation for others to be the same. I dont think there is a second thought on this... people should be a certain way and if they are not they must "fix" this. Beyond that, they dont have the same desire to be polite that ISFJs do. We enjoy certain niceties like "thank you" or "could you do me the favor of..." rather than "give me that" or "make me a sandwich and then go mail the electric bill."

    2) stubborn. OMG! Its so hard to change someone's mind about something if they arent even willing to accept facts OR emotions. Its as though they have decided something and that is it. Also rather than ask your opinion on something alot of times they take the opposing side in a debate and make outlandish statements to which you must correct them in order for them to take you seriously. this can cause an unwanted "conflict" that ISFJs dont enjoy.

    3) selfish. there seems to be a "me first" ideal. This may be logical in many situations to tend to yourself, since others arent you and wont care for you the same way... but as you get older you must then adapt to know that family comes first... children etc. Also ISFJs tend to put the needs of others first in a very charitable way and if we arent getting neither appreciation nor reciprocity there can be problems.

    4) unemotional. That is not to say that ISTJs dont have emotions, they most certainly do. Its more of to say that they arent the ideal source for an F type to get their emotional needs met from. I have trouble getting my ISTJ to show empathy, until recently i was thinking perhaps he was uncapable of it, but i believe i may be mistaken. He also very rarely shows sympathy... theres a very "rub some dirt on it" mentality that drives me nuts.

    5) money/achievements over people. Striving for something seems to be very very important and i think its easy for that to outweigh family or friends in a large scale. while ISTJs are very protective of their families and their duties that lie within, they dont seem to see that as actually making time WITH them.

    Now i have to say that not everything is bad, ive focused on the negative and have also used some words for emphasis that could make some ISTJs angry. I am not suggesting that all ISTJs are all of these things nor that they are inherently bad people. Just some things that from an ISFJ standpoint that could become issues in the future. When things are good between ISFJ/ISTJ they are wonderfully comfortable and stable. We may have similar tastes and ways of thinking, might find enjoyment in a lack of change. we make up a very traditional family dynamic. Its important to not just seek an ISFJ for the for their type. Remember that we are all individuals and one ISFJ does not equal another. Get to know whomever you date a long time.
    datMBTIguy and xTheCaramelQueenx thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    @Mendi the ISFJ I can certainly see where you are coming from with this. I would venture to agree with a lot of it, but the only observation of yours that "bothers" me per se is "bossy." I certainly understand that these are your observations only and you acknowledge that all ISTJs are not all of these things. Personally though, I can't STAND when people give me an order instead of a request ("Clean the kitchen" as opposed to "Hey when you get the chance could you clean the kitchen?"). As a result I *think* - though of course I'm not the best judge of it - I am pretty sensitive to asking for things instead of demanding them. The reason I mention this is because I was thinking possibly that my mentality on demands vs. requests was possibly an ISTJ thing (I only know one other ISTJ in real life and he's similar in this respect, but it is a small sample size).

    Honestly I'd venture to say that a particularly bossy ISTJ is an unhealthy ISTJ :P

    That much aside, thanks very much for the insight. More or less it shows me that in interacting with an ISFJ that I should be in touch with my serene and emotional side to avoid conflict and enjoy stability. Not that I ever plan to pretend these things and abandon being genuine, rather just that I focus on what I DO have of these qualities and projecting them. Such is usually my problem with empathy in particular - I genuinely feel some degree of it, but I either don't express it or do so poorly :P
    Mendi the ISFJ thanked this post.


     

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