Ok. I'm totally going to just stream of conscious on you. Mainly I want to introduce myself and let you all know that I plan on stalking you in order to better understand my wife. But if you would be willing to engage with me directly, that might be more helpful to me.
So my wife and I have been married for four years now, and I desperately love her. But I find it very difficult to communicate that love to her in a way that she can receive. I really just want to make her feel special, you guys, but I'm honestly kind of bad at this, I guess. The thing is, I can be a very romantic person. I'm constantly writing her poems and singing her songs and flirting with her and just really trying my best to make her feel special. And I think she sort of appreciates those things, sort of. But I just don't think she's really picking up what I'm putting down. I almost feel like I have to be a different person to have her appreciate my love for her. Like, she wants me to be like her Dad or something. Her Dad, who texts her 50 times a day, and calls her on her way to work and her way home, and who makes a HUGE deal out of holidays and birthdays, and who blah blah blah. I like her Dad, so don't hear me wrong. But that's just not me. I operate differently, and think differently, and communicate love differently. I'm never going to be a holiday, party, Birthday, gifting kind of person, because those just aren't things I'm good at. I don't receive love that way, personally, so maybe that's why I'm not good at it. And I'm not much of a calendar person, either. I'm a big picture strategy person. She's a details, gets stuff done kind of person. So she's naturally better at calendars and birthdays, holidays, and just planning detailed stuff like that. And I'm not a text 50 times during the day kind of person, because I get engaged in my work and I'm totally lost in it for hours and hours.
Ok, please help. Especially if you're married to an ENTJ, let me know that so that we can talk more.
Here's a random list of other marriage difficulties you might be able to help me with, but maybe I'm flooding the pump at this point:
(1) We talk past each other.
(2) In arguments, she's constantly appealing to morals, which seems like a personal attack to me (likes she's calling me a bad person), and she doesn't seem to listen at all when I try and explain myself in a "rational" way. I put that in quotes because I don't mean to say I'm more rational, just that I speak differently and I need some kind of word to describe that difference.
(3) She would totally be mortified to know that I'm telling complete strangers about all this and asking for help. Is that an ISFJ thing?
(4) She never wants to go meet new friends, but at the same time she's constantly wishing she had them (we just moved. I'm not imply she's not sociable, which is not true). Why is that? How can I help?
(5) She absolutely loves dramas. I'm fine with enjoy a drama with her because I love her and I know she likes that. So why will she not try and enjoy stuff I like, like documentaries and discussing the implications of them?
(6) She's a completely amazing interior designer. I mean, one of the best. But she insists on judging herself based on other people's gift sets. As if she's less intelligent for being different. I could never do what she does. I can't even make my own handwriting pretty. But I don't think I'm less intelligent because of that. What's the deal? How do I help with this?
Ok, that's all I've got for now. Please help me you guys.
P.S. Our marriage is not on the rocks or something, just in case you're tempted to think in that direction. We totally love each other, and I take it these are natural difficulties that will arise when an ENTJ is married to an ISFJ.