ISFJ: Relationship Resolution

Here is the ISFJ way. You will see the many and varied personality traits that ISFJs naturally show as they relate to others. If you are an ISFJ let this self-knowledge help and guide you in your marriage and family life. If you are in relationship with an ISFJ allow the wonder of what you learn here to guide your understanding of and responses to how ISFJs behave. Allow for the difference!

Myers-Briggs “Compatibility Test” Results - ISFJ Personality Traits
• The ISFJ is dependable and loyal, which can be a source of security and stability to a partner.
• ISFJ is practical and committed to the relationship, dependable, security minded.
• Are very traditional in all they do. If you are not an ISFJ…Don’t forget the anniversary, birthday, graduation…whatever!!! Not a good idea.
• ISFJ will tend to be more a disciplinarian with children than some others, not as much as the ST however.
• The ISFJ will bring a natural desire for cooperation to the relationship.
• ISFJ will likely be the “worrier” in the relationship.•ISFJ will typically not seek to “control” the relationship.
• ISFJ will Love you by doing practical things and by saying “I love you”, just don’t expect them to initiate the verbal expression.
• Typically ISFJ does not want to engage with recreation and play unless identified work has been completed.
• If attracted to an opposite personality type (happens a lot) ISFJ will move forward with the relationship planning to change them later. (into a version of themselves) Actually we are all pretty good at this.
• ISFJ will be naturally less able to leave a relationship that is not good, their feeling/loyalty keep them many time longer than is healthy.
• ISFJ will enjoy order in the home, furnishing, style and won’t appreciate frequent changes in these things.
• The ISFJ will see sex as a necessary part of marriage, will have difficulty initiating it at times….most times
• The ISFJ will often be less willing for sexual experimentation as to position, place, etc.
• The ISFJ will often be taken for granted and “used” in relationship, perhaps more than all other types.
• Will create tradition, ceremony and take them very seriously.
• Will tend to not talk about what is bothering them even when they need to speak up.
• The ISFJ will do almost anything to maintain a state of relationship/marriage harmony….much more than others at times.

On the Personality & Marriage section of this site the statement was made that all relationships will encounter conflict. It is part of being human. How we experience conflict, react to it and move to solve it are instinctive. So we have some power and control and will INSTINCTIVELY and NATURALLY use our personality traits in a conflict resolution activity, at least some of the time. The following personality traits are keys to understanding the ISFJ approach to conflict in relationships/marriage.

ISFJ Conflict Reactions Personality Traits
• Instinctive reaction is distress regarding confronting the conflict
• Immediately sense how difficult this may be for others
• Likely to try and negotiate a “win-win” situation.
• The win-win attempt will likely be practical, fair, reached through consensus



ISFJ Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits
• Unless stressed, ISFJ will be respectful as they work for solution
• Will keep “harmony” in mind at all times
• Unless stressed, the ISFJ will not “criticize” during resolution attempts
• Normally patient as all parties speak their minds toward resolution

ISFJ Likely Positive Solutions Will Be:
• Realistic, in-the now
• Harmonious to all parties
• Practical and pragmatic
• Feasible
• Well-organized
• Results-focused

ISFJ Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities
• ISFJ will probably get their feelings hurt during the process
• Tendency to direct, order and manipulate
• Will not view the alternatives, the options as quickly as others, especially if they are big picture oriented
• May unilaterally decide upon a solution and run the risk of alienating others, giving in to the drive for reestablishing harmony
• Will most likely ignore how they feel
• ISFJ questions will often sound like statements instead
• For harmony's sake, the ISFJ may move too quickly toward resolution and regret it later

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