[ethylester]

Hi lovely INTPs,

I have a question. My husband and I are expecting our first baby in September. Right now, we are pretty much living paycheck to paycheck, not saving anything. It's been this way for a long time. But for the next few months, my husband's work schedule is being drastically reduced to 10 hours a week, while I will remain full time. After we have the baby, he will be back to working full time again but I will be cut to part time so I can take care of the baby.

I am worried that we are not going to have enough money in the next few months. I mentioned this to him many times about how we are not saving any money and always am met with silence or a look of indifference. Today I expressed concern to him that he will only be working 10 hours a week this summer. Again, he falls silent and doesn't even acknowledge that I said anything. I feel like just by pointing it out, he thinks I am nagging him. But we need to make more money now to be able to pay for this baby! I am already working full time and am 6 months pregnant, so I don't think it's my responsibility to figure out how to make more. I don't know how to get him to understand that he needs to get second job for the summer or find a way to make more cash so that we can pay for this baby!

He is taking one online class this summer, so it's not like he is busy doing a bunch of other things. And he is fully capable and healthy, not to mention extremely intelligent and a quick learner. He would be good at anything he tried to do.



Help? What do I say to him? I feel like it is falling on deaf ears.

[nadjasix]

Deadbeat alert.

[downsowf]

I'm sure he is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions- or should I say inactions.

You make it sound like he's indifferent and uncaring as opposed to shortsighted.

There are manual labor jobs or "blue-collar" jobs available. I remember when I was out of work, I took a manual labor job just so I could do something and feel decent about myself. I think it's a symptom of middle class/upper-middle class entitlement and pretentiousness, thinking that particular jobs are beneath them. What's noble is going out and providing for your family; what's not noble is thinking you're too intelligent and above finding a job.

Just bug the crap out of him; if anything, he'll get a job just so you will shut up - I'm completely serious.

[alexande]

This is why INTP's don't replicate we have problems just taking care of ourselves lol. He probably has a conscious and will pick up another job, unless he's completely burnt out then I don't know what to tell you. Hope it all turns out well babies are expensive.

[nadjasix]

I'm sure he is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions- or should I say inactions.

You make it sound like he's indifferent and uncaring as opposed to shortsighted.

There are manual labor jobs or "blue-collar" jobs available. I remember when I was out of work, I took a manual labor job just so I could do something and feel decent about myself. I think it's a symptom of middle class/upper-middle class entitlement and pretentiousness, thinking that particular jobs are beneath them. What's noble is going out and providing for your family; what's not noble is thinking you're too intelligent and above finding a job.

Just bug the crap out of him; if anything, he'll get a job just so you will shut up - I'm completely serious.

The best jobs I've had were the "blue collar" ones...

[ethylester]

I'm sure he is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions- or should I say inactions.

You make it sound like he's indifferent and uncaring as opposed to shortsighted.

There are manual labor jobs or "blue-collar" jobs available. I remember when I was out of work, I took a manual labor job just so I could do something and feel decent about myself. I think it's a symptom of middle class/upper-middle class entitlement and pretentiousness, thinking that particular jobs are beneath them. What's noble is going out and providing for your family; what's not noble is thinking you're too intelligent and above finding a job.

Just bug the crap out of him; if anything, he'll get a job just so you will shut up - I'm completely serious.

He is definitely not above working a common labor job. He's been a dishwasher, a prep cook, an apple picker, various things like that. But I think you have a point that he is probably not indifferent, but shortsighted. And it bugs him when I point that out. I know he cares, I just wish he would say, "yeah, I know we are going to need money soon. I think I will start applying for jobs." If he would just acknowledge that he knows what he needs to do, I wouldn't be asking for advice. The fact is, he freezes up when I mention it and doesn't say anything and it leaves me in the dark, feeling guilty for even saying anything.

But if you think that I should keep bugging him, then I will. It's only temporary. He has a main job, it's just slow in the summer. This schedule used to work for us, but it's not gonna cut it anymore. ...

Thanks


oh and he's not a deadbeat @nadjasix. He has always contributed. He just needs to step it up a bit for this summer and that is what is bugging me because he doesn't seem to be trying to figure anything out.

[DaisyChain]

The best jobs I've had were the "blue collar" ones...

They leave your mind free to do the thinking you love to do!

[Cover3]

The best jobs I've had were the "blue collar" ones...

aren't you a tech girl? xD didn't think blue-collar stuff would be your thing.

[nadjasix]

aren't you a tech girl? xD didn't think blue-collar stuff would be your thing.

Yeah but I'm also lazy and like having long stretches of time to do nothing but think.

[nothingnew]

I kinda like those temp service jobs. You just tell them your experience and what you can do (time wise and capabilities), then they do all the work of finding an employer. But whatever works is best.

Maybe he is depressed, or maybe he doesn't know what he is going to do. Hearing the same stuff over and over doesn't help me much. "You gotta do.."

I would use fact based bullet points that are short and real.

-We are going to need money.
-10 hrs a week is not going to give us enough money.
-Baby arrives in X days and my income will not be available; we need to save.

And the coup de grace - find some place and drive him to it. Keep reinforcing the positive. "My friend Joe said this is a great place. Let's have lunch then check it out on Tuesday around two."