[Ablysmal]

"Life's boring without making out" is what my mind whispers now and then. Even though I lack any experience in that department. I'd better stop running away from those situations when they present themselves hm. I'm anxious of intimacy yet simultaneously quite curious about it. I'm only months away from being an adult and I still haven't even kissed because I've been too anxious throughout all of my teens. And now the anxiety only builds up because I'm obviously going to suck at making out now because I never dared to experiment and mess around. Not even talking about sex yet, I mean, oh man, that's gonna be a disaster.

Physical intimacy seems to be becoming more and more normal among my peers. Them talking about their experiences (in a non-bragging manner) is just so incredibly uncomfortable. It feels very emasculating when everybody has had year-long relationships and whatnot while you're still getting worked up about how scary kissing is.

I'm not 'friendzoned' I'm not a 'nice guy' or any of that bullshit. I just run away from romantic situations whenever they happen because I'm extremely paranoid about somebody who I don't know getting attached to me. I only trust my friends, but obviously you can't just develop some romantic thing with a good friend out of nowhere.

Anybody able to explain this to me? I'm confused about this. Why am I so paranoid? And more importantly, how do I fix it? It's been blocking my development for years. I'm a social, well-liked person otherwise, and girls have been attracted to me... I just don't trust them or something. Unless I know them better, by which time we're just close friends.



Is this what being a 'Secret schizoid' is like or what?

I'm not sure what the issue is for you, but for me, I have this fear of getting too close to someone (represented through any physical way) because that would imply me being vulnerable. The walls have to come down in order to get that emotionally attached to someone. This then stems into trust issues because I don't truly know if anyone can really be trusted enough to show the vulnerability.

You paranoia may come from the fear of risking your security, or not having confidence in living up to expectations of what you think such a relationship is like.

[grc21]

I'm not 'friendzoned' I'm not a 'nice guy' or any of that bullshit. I just run away from romantic situations whenever they happen because I'm extremely paranoid about somebody who I don't know getting attached to me. I only trust my friends, but obviously you can't just develop some romantic thing with a good friend out of nowhere.

Three factors:

1. Unable to handle strong emotions.
2. Fear of vulnerability
3. Having to make a 'social' effort to keep the relationship alive.

1: Let's face it, we have a tough time dealing with strong emotions. We feel like they drown us, overwhelm us, and that's just exhausting. Relationships are an emotional rollercoaster ride that can be enjoyable, but when the turns get too strong, all we want to do is get off it and run away to find some peace and stability.

2: This correlates a lot with #1, having to deal with the mushy feeling of vulnerability. Our soul's feel too exposed, open to being prodded and hurt. It's hard to trust someone enough to open up like that.

3: The social aspect of relationship's is just plain tiring to me up to some point. Yes the company and the physical intimacy is nice for a while, but I need to be alone to be able to recharge. And considering I'm a very strong introvert, I need a lot of time. So usually the other person feels ignored/forgotten, therefore I have to make an effort to provide them with attention. It can get exhausting.


So yeah, those are the reasons for why I feel like running away from relationships. I think the trick for the first one is about finding emotional balance, a point of equilibrium. I do that by reasoning out why I feel the way I do, understanding that makes me feel like I have a handle on it. So that helps.
When it comes to vulnerability, well, I haven't found a way to feel completely comfortable with feeling vulnerable, rather than accepting that although you're prompt to getting hurt, being open with someone can be greatly rewarding emotionally.Even INTPs need to express bottled up emotions.
For #3, well... Throughout my romantic curriculum I've found that I don't mix well with people who need too much emotional caring for and attention. It's about either choosing another introvert, or having your extrovert partner understand and accept your ways. The latter is still a problem considering that although they understand you introversion, they wish for your attention.

I guess the only way you can learn and confront the feeling to run away is stepping in and experiencing it. See how you deal with, experiment and learn from it. I know it's a little cold at first, but it gets better :)

[Dimensional Transition]

I'm not sure what the issue is for you, but for me, I have this fear of getting too close to someone (represented through any physical way) because that would imply me being vulnerable. The walls have to come down in order to get that emotionally attached to someone. This then stems into trust issues because I don't truly know if anyone can really be trusted enough to show the vulnerability.

You paranoia may come from the fear of risking your security, or not having confidence in living up to expectations of what you think such a relationship is like.

Mmhm. I think it might have to do with vulnerability, I can definitely relate to the trust issues. And the fear of being a very boring person to the other is something I struggle with as well. I like going out for dinner. I like discussing stuff, I like cafés and clubs and such now and then... But is that it? Is that something you'd want to keep doing over and over again with the same person? Even once you start having sex and such, it seems like it could become very boring very quickly. But then again, I've been really close friends for years with people who I just clicked well with. So I guess it's just a matter of having a 'click'.

Three factors:

1. Unable to handle strong emotions.
2. Fear of vulnerability
3. Having to make a 'social' effort to keep the relationship alive.

1: Let's face it, we have a tough time dealing with strong emotions. We feel like they drown us, overwhelm us, and that's just exhausting. Relationships are an emotional rollercoaster ride that can be enjoyable, but when the turns get too strong, all we want to do is get off it and run away to find some peace and stability.

2: This correlates a lot with #1, having to deal with the mushy feeling of vulnerability. Our soul's feel too exposed, open to being prodded and hurt. It's hard to trust someone enough to open up like that.

3: The social aspect of relationship's is just plain tiring to me up to some point. Yes the company and the physical intimacy is nice for a while, but I need to be alone to be able to recharge. And considering I'm a very strong introvert, I need a lot of time. So usually the other person feels ignored/forgotten, therefore I have to make an effort to provide them with attention. It can get exhausting.


So yeah, those are the reasons for why I feel like running away from relationships. I think the trick for the first one is about finding emotional balance, a point of equilibrium. I do that by reasoning out why I feel the way I do, understanding that makes me feel like I have a handle on it. So that helps.
When it comes to vulnerability, well, I haven't found a way to feel completely comfortable with feeling vulnerable, rather than accepting that although you're prompt to getting hurt, being open with someone can be greatly rewarding emotionally.Even INTPs need to express bottled up emotions.
For #3, well... Throughout my romantic curriculum I've found that I don't mix well with people who need too much emotional caring for and attention. It's about either choosing another introvert, or having your extrovert partner understand and accept your ways. The latter is still a problem considering that although they understand you introversion, they wish for your attention.

I guess the only way you can learn and confront the feeling to run away is stepping in and experiencing it. See how you deal with, experiment and learn from it. I know it's a little cold at first, but it gets better :)

Yeah. This sort of relates to the other post. I don't have that much trouble with emotions once I am close to someone though. Once you know someone well enough, you know what to expect and how to help them. In the end, we 'INTPy' people would like emotional support too now and then.

But yeah, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who's noticed this in himself. It has been bothering me for a long time. And I always get to hear stuff like "Just go for it" and such, but yeah... That's not enough. I need lots of theories and opinions and stuff to finally get into it :') I'm ought to give it a shot some time soon though, just take the chance for once with someone that feels somewhat trustworthy.

[Ablysmal]

Mmhm. I think it might have to do with vulnerability, I can definitely relate to the trust issues. And the fear of being a very boring person to the other is something I struggle with as well. I like going out for dinner. I like discussing stuff, I like cafés and clubs and such now and then... But is that it? Is that something you'd want to keep doing over and over again with the same person? Even once you start having sex and such, it seems like it could become very boring very quickly. But then again, I've been really close friends for years with people who I just clicked well with. So I guess it's just a matter of having a 'click'.

I think that if you care for a person, just spending some time with each other is what really matters. Some people would prefer to have a routine while others are more spontaneous and like trying new things. So, you either end up with someone that has similar preferences to yourself, or you end up with someone that you would have to branch out a bit for. Relationships are about equal give and take anyway.

[Dimensional Transition]

I think that if you care for a person, just spending some time with each other is what really matters. Some people would prefer to have a routine while others are more spontaneous and like trying new things. So, you either end up with someone that has similar preferences to yourself, or you end up with someone that you would have to branch out a bit for. Relationships are about equal give and take anyway.

Yeah I definitely agree! Nothing to add hah.

[_wolf_]

INTPs date?

[_wolf_]

I need two more posts

[_wolf_]

Okay thank you. I'm done. How are y'all? I'm a newbie and tis been awhile.

[downsowf]

Okay thank you. I'm done. How are y'all? I'm a newbie and tis been awhile.

just my type

[MasterJediSoda]

Okay thank you. I'm done. How are y'all? I'm a newbie and tis been awhile.

I... have pie in my face. Was that you?