I'm a 46 yo INFP woman who has been hooking up with a 27 yo INTP guy regularly for about a year. He was my personal trainer a few years ago (that's how we met) but last year we turned our friendship into a FWB relationship. I'm divorced and single. He's single too.
We've been getting together once or twice a week for the past 2 months and at least twice a month or more before that; we have been meeting consistantly throughout the year. It's strictly sex. He won't kiss me or be very affectionate. When we get together we usually talk for a while and then have sex. He initiates most of the contact.
This has worked for me because I have serious issues with intimacy in relationships. I've avoided real relationships because I struggle with closeness due to abuse in my early teen years. The distance in this arrangement has worked for me. Even though I'd like more affection, it's probably best there isn't so I don't get more attached.
We've kept this relationship on the low (or so I thought). His best friend knows and that was okay with me but I recently found out that he told some of his co workers at the gym I still work out at. I was really disappointed in him. He doesn't work there anymore so I don't see him there but I see his old co workers/friends and I'm really embarrassed they know.
I didn't get angry with him but I playfully let him know it wasn't cool of him to betray my privacy and trust. All of a sudden he stopped texting me. A week has gone by with no contact so I reached out to him today to find out what was going on and told him I missed him. He texted, "I'm not emotionally vested. You shouldn't miss me. I don't give you what you want." WTF??? Where the hell did that come from? I asked him to explain this to me and I haven't heard anything yet.
Of course I care about him. I'm not made of wood. I believed he cared about me in his own way. I can't imagine continuing to have sex with someone as often as we did without some feelings developing. It seems impossible to me.
I'm completely confused by how someone I've been sleeping with frequently for an entire year can just push away and shut things down without much explanation. Is this normal INTP behavior?