[Hot Pocket]

I, being an ENFP tend to upset my INTP boyfriend from time to time, and I don't exactly know how to fix it...anything that I should avoid when there is an arguement? I don't want him to think that I am just another disappointment

[NastyCat]

I went out with an ENFP once...

Argue it out in the calmest manner possible. What I found annoying was that the ENFP would always try to avoid confrontation either by 'giving in' or just saying something to to end the matter as quick as possible. However, what ever you say, you must try to stick to it because you do not want the INTP to begin wondering about your actions (this is why I urge you to talk it out because you may throw something out unnecessarily, and you can cause some damage by not sticking to your word). They will trust you on your word, so becareful with what you say.

INTPs can be oblivious to their partner's emotions, so it would be best to be as direct as possible. They might also appear cold when they're upset. This is not true because they will more than likely try to suppress their negative emotions, which leaves that robotic mannerism. This does not mean that they do not care about you. They are either confused, or just misunderstood (which can get to them pretty easily).

Try not to be too social with him around during tension. ENFPs like to invite others to turn it into some sort of social gathering which always puts the INTP in an awkward situation especially if he doesn't really know anyone else that well.

Warning: Do NOT turn it into a blame- or insult-fest. AND if you think he is upset, do NOT ask him more than once as it would seem as though you would want him to feel a certain way. Do NOT brush things aside as well (it sets up a possibility of more than one bout on the same subject matter).

[Hot Pocket]

VERY helpful, he does tend to come off cold when he is upset about something and we don't fight much, but I am learning to keep away from subjects that upset/piss him off, I am always afraid of saying the wrong things, we did a play at the start of the month, and there is a pizza hut thing that we do and then a cast party, and I noticed, no matter the fact that the E side of him comes about time to time, he was very distant and when I went over to him and asked him why he was just sitting there he said plainly "I'm an I" and it was weird to see him shy.

I have the check, I try to never ask him if he is upset, but if I have a really strong reason to think that he is, I ask...

thank you again, this really explains a lot

[Hot Pocket]

I have an example: he doesn't do as well at something as he wants to, so he is a total jerk to me for no reason.
just walk away or? what?

[TurranMC]

I have an example: he doesn't do as well at something as he wants to, so he is a total jerk to me for no reason.
just walk away or? what?

Well from this one line he sounds like an asshole.

[Hot Pocket]

Well from this one line he sounds like an asshole.

:(

just a bit lately

[InvisibleJim]

I have an example: he doesn't do as well at something as he wants to, so he is a total jerk to me for no reason.
just walk away or? what?

Rationals can become very depressed if they feel they are underacheiving (infact this is true of most people!). You should try to get him to tell you whats up and work him through his issues. He should be awfully happy afterwards.

[Hot Pocket]

Rationals can become very depressed if they feel they are underacheiving (infact this is true of most people!). You should try to get him to tell you whats up and work him through his issues. He should be awfully happy afterwards.

I tried :( but between the fact that we're also fighting right now and the fact that he beats himself up so much to the point where he completely closes the door...gah, I don't know what to do.

[NastyCat]

Give him a hug and tell him you'll be there for him. Say nothing more and let him withdraw for a bit (might take a week or more) to think things through. He'll bring it up when he's ready to talk.

If he's beating himself up, just ask him why he's doing it AND why he's lashing out at you at the same time. It should get him thinking about whether his problem concerns you or not (as in if it's the reasons due to you or something else). And don't pressure him into accepting your help as the INTXs tend to be heavily independent. Just leave the offer out there with no strings attached.

[Hot Pocket]

what makes me mad is when he is mad at me he doesn't tell me! He is just an ass about somethingelse until I understandt that he's pissed at me, why doesn't he just tell me when I've done something wrong?