[INTP] Tactfully telling someone (s)he is wrong.

Tactfully telling someone (s)he is wrong.

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This is a discussion on Tactfully telling someone (s)he is wrong. within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Is this hard for you? Did you learn how to tactfully tell someone (s)he is wrong? And since it is ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Tactfully telling someone (s)he is wrong.

    Is this hard for you? Did you learn how to tactfully tell someone (s)he is wrong? And since it is related, what about tactfully telling someone (s)he sings bad? Her dress isn't beautiful - at all!?

    Post anything related.



  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Oh man, you're shopping at the wrong store if you're asking me for advice on this one. At least a few friends really do like the fact that I'm so bluntly honest - if I say I like something, that it's good, you *know* it's good. That and you can probably rely on me to say how something you did can be improved. Assuming you can get me to say something and not have me clam up!
    redmanXNTP and nadjasix thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by crazyeddie View Post
    if I say I like something, that it's good, you *know* it's good.
    My mom says the same about me.
    redmanXNTP thanked this post.

  4. #4
    ENTJ - The Executives

    It tends to be hard for me, yes. Either I don't say anything at all, or I run in swinging.

    As for polite ways I've seen professors handle students who probably shouldn't share their "facts". I had a professor once who, when a student would say something absolutely horrible, would respond with something along the lines of, "That is ... an interesting insight. Thank you for sharing. Now, I would like to return to the topic at hand."
    dusttrust thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by koalaroo View Post
    It tends to be hard for me, yes. Either I don't say anything at all, or I run in swinging.

    As for polite ways I've seen professors handle students who probably shouldn't share their "facts". I had a professor once who, when a student would say something absolutely horrible, would respond with something along the lines of, "That is ... an interesting insight. Thank you for sharing. Now, I would like to return to the topic at hand."
    I've told I need to work on that one too. And I've got an ENFP friend who helps me go over my emails before I send them out, so I'm not unintentionally hurtful to a student.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    When someone is wrong about something important, I tell them pretty firmly and clearly so there is no way to hide from it. If the problem doesn't relate to good and evil, and is just a technical thing, I usually just let it go without correcting it. Sometimes it secretly bugs me a little anyhow.

    The last time I tried correcting someone about something trivial, it started a huge conversation about the purpose of language, and I decided I was wrong to care when she said things incorrectly, because words only exist to communicate ideas.

    My friend was saying something about Nordtrom, and she called it "Nordstroms." I corrected her, and she was like, "Whatever. You knew what I meant," and I realized I was just being a nit-picky little bitch, like when I get upset over people adding a "The" to the front of a music group's name when it doesn't actually have one, or become irritated when the actual band is inconsistent about such things. There are more important things to worry about.

    I'm not an INTP, but I'm an Enneagram type one, which is probably almost as bad.
    crazyeddie thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTJ - The Scientists

    If someone sings bad I'll probably just say something kinda insulting, but sarcastically so it's okay. They usually get a kick out of it lol.

  8. #8
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I usually don't bother to tell people they are wrong, or that they suck, just for the sake of it. If it maters for a situation at hand, I try to be tactful and not directly confrontational. If at all possible, use Ne to think of a context where their assessment would be right and then diverge into the current situation in which an alternate assessment is more valid, etc. etc.

    For the dress, try to find *something* positive about it (the color, the neckline, whatever detail...), and then mention that a different style in whatever way would play up her X (wonderful attribute) much better. For the singing, again, find something positive (enthusiasm, projection, passion, sincerity, even awkwardness can be interpreted as charming naivete, and then shift to a constructive direction without bashing something they did.

    It is all about Ne, finding the positive in a situation. And using Ti makes it like a game to make statements that are positive only, rather than negatives. Instead of "don't do this", or "this is bad", it is "I like this and it will work even better if you ____ "
    Fiddler, dusttrust, nadjasix and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by crazyeddie View Post
    I've told I need to work on that one too. And I've got an ENFP friend who helps me go over my emails before I send them out, so I'm not unintentionally hurtful to a student.
    This is kind of horrible, but I've learned that one of the things that helps me deal with facepalm-worthy comments, emails or test answers is to speak with my sister (she's on faculty at a junior college while she finishes up her dissertation). And we get a good laugh at the stupidity between the two of us -- and then that's that, and we deal with it. Frankly, though, there are a lot more lolworthy moments off of history exams than anthropology exams. Although, if she gets a mind-boggling response in an essay, she'll post a snippet of it on facebook as a status message.

    For instance, the answer that was something along the lines of, "Prohibition was repealed because there was a lot of marital discord during the roaring 20s and it was found that alcohol was necessary to maintain the ideal two parent household." She read it and had to post that snippet as her facebook status because she was so absolutely flabbergasted.

  10. #10
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Just a funny memory that came to mind: An ENTP friend of mine once said "Wow! You're more correct than I am on this one!" Got to love the humble way of admitting he was wrong. Sorry, doesn't help with tactfully telling someone they are wrong, I don't think it sounds as tactful if you say "I am more correct than you", but may be worth a try!
    luemb and crazyeddie thanked this post.


 
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