[Chrysantheist]

Or an extremely trashy, dirty, sleazy type of fast food joint where the cheeseburger is so greasy and delicious, but afterwards you want to lay on the couch and do nothing else the entire day. Don't know where I'm going with this. :)

Your health will suffer if you insist on eating at those places.

[L]

I made sure my first time was with someone I cared about and who cared about and respected me. I made sure we used protection. I think it's important that you don't have sex with someone who doesn't care about you (they don't necessarily have to love you) on the first time, because you don't want that memory to be overshadowed by feelings of low self-esteem or being taken advantage of or complete apathy -- if you can help it. I think it's important to not feel pressured into sex.

I think that it's a little bit of the opposite for me. I don't want the other person to feel like I've just used them or anything. One of my [slight] fears is that I will get into a relationship just because, and then there I'll be, just there for no real reason. In that position I would want to break it off with the other person but how would you go about explaining something like that? I suppose that is a small fear I have.

But on the other side of the argument there is the fact that I've only really felt attracted to one person before. I'm over it now though, thank goodness, she was a rather immature ESTP. Also, I don't think she really liked me even as a friend It's really strange how I couldn't see it sooner. I've also tried just going off of the little amount of physical attraction for people but I really didn't care whether they said yes or no to a date, all no's at the moment. EDIT: the dilemma to this paragraph is that what happens if the people I actually do have an attraction for are completely wrong for me? Or worse still, say there is that attraction but I can tell with 100% assurance that it would make me miserable, then what? In this situation I've got feelings for a situation that I can't jump into, that takes away possible feelings for something I could. Then there's the absolute worst, what if I don't actually ever get these feelings for anybody else, good or bad? I am 20 years old after all, only one true attraction to a person and she would have been really bad for me if not been for my "nice guy"ness (she had a boyfriend when I was going to ask her out, I called a friend who told me, whom she dumped soon after for another guy anyways. Long story short I think she wanted out of that relationship but needed somebody to help pull her out of it, or something to that effect) I would have had a very bad experience. But anyways 20 years old plus one attraction=bad track record and not much room for hope. Sorry for the randomness.

Another question I have for all of you people that are not virgins and frequently date:
What makes you want to date a person? Do you have to know them a little bit first, and if so, how long? Or do you just believe that you should act on that first physical urge and go out on a date and then get to know a person? Then what happens after that? Does it typically work out, if not, then how do you tell the other person "it's not going to work out" after only one date?

Sorry to get off topic a little bit since this thread is supposed to be about sex but, date leads to relationship that leads to sex so.... not so off topic?

[Chrysantheist]

I think that it's a little bit of the opposite for me. I don't want the other person to feel like I've just used them or anything.

I sort of agree with you there. I always have a high level of respect and regard for my partners. If you treat your lover well, there's no reason to feel like you're just using them. But... honestly, what's the difference between the friend you call up because they're the person who will listen to your problems and the friend you call up because you're horny? As long as you have a mutual understanding of the situation (open, honest dialogue is your friend!) then you're fine.

One of my [slight] fears is that I will get into a relationship just because, and then there I'll be, just there for no real reason. In that position I would want to break it off with the other person but how would you go about explaining something like that? I suppose that is a small fear I have.

So don't date anyone for no reason?

Another question I have for all of you people that are not virgins and frequently date:
What makes you want to date a person? Do you have to know them a little bit first, and if so, how long? Or do you just believe that you should act on that first physical urge and go out on a date and then get to know a person? Then what happens after that? Does it typically work out, if not, then how do you tell the other person "it's not going to work out" after only one date?

What makes me want to date a person:

• Physical attraction/Compatibility
• Intellectually stimulates me
• Compassionate/Caring/Kind
• Respectful
• Open/Honest
• Sincere
• Genuine
• Fun
• More often happy than not
• Moderate to high self-esteem

I will more often than not sleep with someone prior to establishing a relationship. I feel that it's equally important for me to spend time getting to know them mentally, emotionally, and physically before making a commitment. I don't need certainty that we'll walk down the aisle together, but I do want to feel that I trust them, know that I like them quite a bit, and know they will treat me well. Generally, I can tell if I'd date someone within about 2 weeks to a month of getting to know them (depending on how much time we spend together within that timeframe).

Yes, I am completely open about whether or not it will work out. I went on a date with someone in September last year, for instance, and just really wasn't feeling it. He asked me on another date, and I told him up front that I didn't see things working out and thanked him for the previous date. No need for drama.

I do have a bit of difficulty admitting when I have feelings for someone, but it's something I strive to work on, including admitting when I feel uncertain. Or if I feel unclear about the direction a relationship is going, I will summon up the courage to ask.

There are a lot of things that can go wrong in relationships and in sex, but you can mitigate a lot of hurt feelings by simply being up front about what's going on.

ALSO: If you are being open and you sense they are ignoring what you're telling them, I think it's best to walk away. You don't want your lover to turn angry-psycho-stalker when they realize you're never going to date them, even if you said explicitly "I'm not interested in dating you."

Helpful?

[L]

A little bit. It will probably be more helpful after I go to sleep and re-read it later tomo....well now, later today actually.

[downsowf]

I think that it's a little bit of the opposite for me. I don't want the other person to feel like I've just used them or anything. One of my [slight] fears is that I will get into a relationship just because, and then there I'll be, just there for no real reason. In that position I would want to break it off with the other person but how would you go about explaining something like that? I suppose that is a small fear I have.

But on the other side of the argument there is the fact that I've only really felt attracted to one person before. I'm over it now though, thank goodness, she was a rather immature ESTP. Also, I don't think she really liked me even as a friend It's really strange how I couldn't see it sooner. I've also tried just going off of the little amount of physical attraction for people but I really didn't care whether they said yes or no to a date, all no's at the moment. EDIT: the dilemma to this paragraph is that what happens if the people I actually do have an attraction for are completely wrong for me? Or worse still, say there is that attraction but I can tell with 100% assurance that it would make me miserable, then what? In this situation I've got feelings for a situation that I can't jump into, that takes away possible feelings for something I could. Then there's the absolute worst, what if I don't actually ever get these feelings for anybody else, good or bad? I am 20 years old after all, only one true attraction to a person and she would have been really bad for me if not been for my "nice guy"ness (she had a boyfriend when I was going to ask her out, I called a friend who told me, whom she dumped soon after for another guy anyways. Long story short I think she wanted out of that relationship but needed somebody to help pull her out of it, or something to that effect) I would have had a very bad experience. But anyways 20 years old plus one attraction=bad track record and not much room for hope. Sorry for the randomness.

Another question I have for all of you people that are not virgins and frequently date:
What makes you want to date a person? Do you have to know them a little bit first, and if so, how long? Or do you just believe that you should act on that first physical urge and go out on a date and then get to know a person? Then what happens after that? Does it typically work out, if not, then how do you tell the other person "it's not going to work out" after only one date?

Sorry to get off topic a little bit since this thread is supposed to be about sex but, date leads to relationship that leads to sex so.... not so off topic?

I don't think there's a blue print for anybody. That's probably all I can say. I personally hate going out on dates, that is if you don't really know the person to begin with, because I'd rather organically build up some sort of relationship before elevating it to partner status. Other times, you will meet someone and the chemistry is there. There's a "click." This is what I look for, mostly, if I want to get serious with somebody, but this is hard to find because it's difficult for me(or us) to put ourselves out there in order for people to discover us. My sexual relationships have been with people I've known mostly, built up some type of chemistry, and it went from there. However, I have rarely ever elevated the relationship to partner status because I love my autonomy. Plus, I don't think I've truly met the right person yet. My advice is to cultivate relationships with women, start being comfortable around them, and show them your goofy, fun side. The other stuff will follow. But don't start talking to women just to have sex; this is a very shallow way to enter into any relationship. Your motivations will be easily seen, too. Sex is a motivation, sure, but it should not be a prime motivation if that is your reason to enter into a relationship. You will have plenty of chances to have sex and women will be attracted to you. This doesn't mean that you have to start dating them- it just means there is a sexual attraction and this person wants to ravage you or vice versa. If a woman wants to have sex with you, and you kinda dig her, take this as a compliment and oblige.

[Ghostwheel]

I have decided to go for it, but I haven't initiated much, I was thinking about starting this weekend. Build up to it and be having sex before the end of March at the latest.

Okay, so finish the story.

What finally happened and how do you feel about it?

[TaoPaiPai]

To have sex or not to have sex, it's no big deal really.

[QuietStorm]

Run. Very far, and very quickly. Don't stop until she's in your rear-view mirror.

That's my opinion. Now .... objectively, I don't actually care what you do, and I don't know how much you value our opinions here. Let's face it, you can do whatever you want.
But ask yourself if you really want images of this girl you don't like in your head. I mean ... you may just not like her with clothes on.... maybe seeing her naked will change your mind. Maybe you'll hate yourself for a few years after it's over.... maybe not. If you're ok with sleeping with someone you're not close to, or romantically interested in -- or even like talking to -- then go ahead, your decision's already been made.

[sparkles]

You don't communicate very well? Okay well you don't have to talk to have sex, ya know? INTPs are great fun in bed, and I bet even a first time would be fun for both parties.

[Alexxandra]

Ohhhh man. Hopefully you didn't do it.