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This is a discussion on dating for INTP within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by JoniF Put on a sign signifying your single status and your MBTI type and then proceed to ...
Refreshe here's my take on it. It seems like you're doing the right thing, approaching, and starting a conversation. However you need to bare in mind you're small talk can't be of the everyday variety (think outside the box) it doesn't have to be weird (but it can be) just come from a real place, say what you're thinking. You seem to be doing okay to get numbers etc. Calling them after 2 days is fine in my book (I usually leave it 3 days) It makes you look like you have a life and have other social commitments before she came into it so keep that up. I think the thing you're missing is the flirtatious element. You've got to weave in a flirtatious element to show her that you're interested in her in a sexual way. It doesn't have to be full on, just something that shows you're attracted to her. Playful cockyness usually works well or if you're not that type of person just be direct about it. Compliment her in a fresh way. (you like her hair style, her fashion sense etc.) keep it fairly light but make sure you flirt as this will let her know you're interested and she'll see you in a certain way that will hold her interest. Also keep an eye on your small talk, make sure you say something from you're perspective as an opener. Say something about yourself what you're feeling about the place or situation you're in so she feels that you're not afraid to share yourself and makes her feel comforatable. Then give her the option to feed into the conversation.
Despite the fact I have no previous dating knowledge and I'm not old enough to go into bars and be talked to by complete strangers, I feel I should add my two cents.
If a guy were to come up and start chatting to me randomly, it would be great if he opened with a really cheesy line to break the ice. Seriously. And he'd say it in a trying-so-hard-to-be-cool-and-ending-up-looking-like-a-total-douche way. He'd really ham it up and make it obvious he's kidding. Then we'd laugh, he'd offer to buy me a drink or something and we'd have a normal conversation like human beings. I can't really stand small talk, so I'd ask about his job and his hobbies and his interests and see if we have anything obvious in common. If not, I'd try to find a topic that we could both chat about comfortably (opinions on our jobs, opinions on approaching strangers in bars, etc.), talk about it for a few minutes and get to know each other like friends. Then (before the conversation wears out/I get sick of standing) one of us would say something about exchanging numbers/meeting up later in the week/going somewhere where it's easier to hold a conversation (if I trust the guy ) and all would be well!
However, this is unlikely to happen because
1) From what I'm reading here, guys don't tend to be like that.
2) I don't dress to attract attention (at least, not in a way that's going to catch shallow-guy-trying-to-find-a-girlfriend-in-a-bar's attention.
3) If a guy did approach me in a bar, I'd probably have my guard up and he'd assume I'm just not interested.
4) I can't see myself hanging around in a bar or club where there are people anyway. And I won't be in a library because I read/use the Internet at home. In fact, if I ever go out, it's for a purpose, not to be hit on.
Looks like a lonely life for me.
I really have to try being more social - things won't go well for me if I keep myself to myself all the time.
You have two people in your life, someone you like and someone you love.. who do you date?
You need to be more assertive, basically just step up.
yes but in the defence of the swedes, in fact that whole area of the world there is something undeniably sexy about you lot (in this case i mean women since i do not follow the homosexual persausion). As long as you know that the person likes you silence with swedes etc is completely allowed. The rest of the world is expected to talk to show they like someone which is the most aggravating thing about dating.
in fact i would go as far to say that swedes, danish and finish (if i may be allowed to group you together, if not i apologise) are the equivalent of the irish except mostly with blonde hair
My attitude is that for an INTP, it's really not going to work to go by the book to get a date. In all of my experiences, you have to slowly become friends first, and here's why I believe that.
Girls you talk to 99 percent of the time will find you gregarious and interesting, but very off center. I had the 0 percent thing too, and I attribute it to the fact that I unintentionally disconnect and observe, and don't realize it, and females will often not have that heart to heart hit it off interaction. Most people don't understand the INTP unique lateral thinking. Instead interactions with them are independently interesting therefore. Don't go by the book, just layer your connections, because you aren't showing people your real cards in the robotic method your setting up which extroverts do so succinctly
Date? Isn't that a fruit or something?
I don't know, I've never been too fond...
and what makes it all so hard is our Ti is the first thing we do, so we cannot not have motives, and preconceived judgements. The world is not used to this, and thinks that our preconceived judgements are rigid, and so they fear it. But in truth, we use it so we can perceive. This is unique, and different to how the majority of the world operates. Meet someone who understands this