[thehigher]

I've dated an intp for a year and a half and I think I have noticed significant changes in my paradigm, values, and personality. In a way I feel more like an intp/entj. I feel like her needs have molded me in a way. At the beginning of our relationship, communication was difficult. I was deeply depressed and she had a hard time being authentic. I took everything she said personally, and as a result I faked myself to please her. Over time we both learned a lot more about ourselves and how inauthentic we were being. We realized our differences and I think adjusted accordingly (easier said than done). Now that we have solved everything.....now that I understand her perspective a lot better than I did (with special help from personality cafe also ;D ) I feel less infp.

I find it somewhat hard to follow my feelings down without stepping back and saying.....that feeling is irrational. I may get hurt by someone and I will tell myself.....that is ok.....they are just using a different cognitive function....their place in life is just as important as yours.....let them perceive the world how they are meant to. Then I don't feel hurt. The result? I feel a little bored honestly. I want to feel the intense emotions I used to...it's ho hum kind of......I feel like an NF who stumbled into NT territory......I kind of like it....but I still miss NF world. I like the predictability and control I get from this NTish reality. But I don't know.....something does not feel right. Just because I have stumbled in NT territory doesn't mean I am not just as aware of my emotions. But my emotions recently have been rather dry.....blah....bland....ho hum. Do NTs feel this way as well? Or does it not bother you as much because you are not as in touch with emotions as I am? (That sounded douche baggish but I honestly just want to know ...because I don't)

Also, I am not sure if I really am in NT world. It is only NTish.....I have no way of knowing if the reality I am experiencing is equivalent to that of an authentic NT......and who is to say they are an authentic NT anyway?.....maybe we are everything. In fact I have been thinking about this. Perhaps we are just pulled into .....different poles of.....our psyche.......different poles....of cognitive functions. Maybe if you start using Fi for example.....it will suck you in.

I dunno. I got off subject. But yea.

[mrmatt]

hmm this is food for thought...i would tell you that the empty feeling is something i feel a lot so it might be an intp thing

[Femme]

I agree with your last paragraph, if I have understood you correctly.

edit--

Just because I have stumbled in NT territory doesn't mean I am not just as aware of my emotions. But my emotions recently have been rather dry.....blah....bland....ho hum. Do NTs feel this way as well? Or does it not bother you as much because you are not as in touch with emotions as I am?

Hmm, I wouldn't say an NT's emotions are dry or bland. Although many will appear that way, there can be passion raging deep within. An NT can be aware of their feelings, acknowledge them, yet take another route when making decisions. The NT's that are not aware of their emotional state may not understand exactly what underlying factor is affecting them. So they feel something that's present, but choose to ignore it, or put it aside (for the sake of acting in a rational manner). They don't want to be guided by something so obscure... emotions are fickle and fleeting.

[Harley]

When I'm in tune with my emotions I'm usually all like:



But when I'm really in a passionate rage it becomes all:

Seriously watch out man, things can get rough 'round me.

[thehigher]

When I'm in tune with my emotions I'm usually all like:



But when I'm really in a passionate rage it becomes all:

Seriously watch out man, things can get rough 'round me.

interesting......really.

[PeacePassion]

this is sad to me thehigher

this is a wild guess, but if you're around someone who is maybe not respecting/validating/acknowledging/considering/honoring your emotions, and you want to be in harmony with this person/try to understand them, etc... maybe you've started to repress your emotions? or maybe you're at the beginnings of being depressed? just a couple ideas i thought i'd throw out there.

anyway, nothing wrong with being able to make rational decisions or anything, but be sure to honor your emotions, and feel them, and listen to them. i've really come to believe that emotions contain a lot of information, even in their absence. like, maybe this lack of emotion, especially as a normally emotion-rich person, is really telling you something. idk. good luck though!

[thehigher]

this is sad to me thehigher

this is a wild guess, but if you're around someone who is maybe not respecting/validating/acknowledging/considering/honoring your emotions, and you want to be in harmony with this person/try to understand them, etc... maybe you've started to repress your emotions? or maybe you're at the beginnings of being depressed? just a couple ideas i thought i'd throw out there.

anyway, nothing wrong with being able to make rational decisions or anything, but be sure to honor your emotions, and feel them, and listen to them. i've really come to believe that emotions contain a lot of information, even in their absence. like, maybe this lack of emotion, especially as a normally emotion-rich person, is really telling you something. idk. good luck though!

I have been depressed before...quite deeply. I am not depressed now. I do listen to my emotions....I am still very in touch with them....I know how they flow. My problem is ... the "ho hum" feeling is being felt more deeply....and more often than other emotions. Maybe nothing is wrong. All I know is that I feel different.....not bad really....Id much rather be here than where I was....but I think I left something.....back there.

[Psilo]

anyway, nothing wrong with being able to make rational decisions or anything, but be sure to honor your emotions, and feel them, and listen to them. i've really come to believe that emotions contain a lot of information, even in their absence. like, maybe this lack of emotion, especially as a normally emotion-rich person, is really telling you something. idk. good luck though!

I think there's something to this.

It's taken me a long time, and I'm still not all the way there, to be comfortable with my feelings and my emotions. I've received scorn for the way and the depth that I feel from people who either can't or won't understand. As a result, I've grown so used to being wary of my feelings and second guessing them.

Altogether, I don't think it is a bad thing to do, but constantly denying your feelings or repressing them can lead to a ho hum feeling or even a depressed feeling.

I think I'm at an opposite point as you right now. I've spent my entire life trying to 'be more NT' that when I came across MB I was floored to find out I wasn't crazy. Luckily, the INTP I know got into MB with me and allows me to be authentic without making me feel like I'm wrong for having feelings. He doesn't get it fully, I don't think, but he seems to like that major difference between us nonetheless.

Actually, at times I almost envy it. When I see feelings in his eyes it's almost naive in nature. I'm constantly questioning and seeking to understand my feelings, and he just feels them.

I digress. Back to the point that Peace has made, I think the lack of feelings is a sign. Only you can decide what it is a sign of. Feelings are supposed to be our guide or compass to know what is right. As I learn not to be so critical or distrusting of mine, I find that they aren't always as irrational as I'm made to think. I'm learning to not replace my feelings with logic, merely supplement to know where my limits are in reality.

Edit:

I have been depressed before...quite deeply. I am not depressed now. I do listen to my emotions....I am still very in touch with them....I know how they flow. My problem is ... the "ho hum" feeling is being felt more deeply....and more often than other emotions. Maybe nothing is wrong. All I know is that I feel different.....not bad really....Id much rather be here than where I was....but I think I left something.....back there.

Is it unrelated to being close with an NT? Do you feel stuck in life at all or like things aren't moving forward?

[PeacePassion]

I have been depressed before...quite deeply. I am not depressed now. I do listen to my emotions....I am still very in touch with them....I know how they flow. My problem is ... the "ho hum" feeling is being felt more deeply....and more often than other emotions. Maybe nothing is wrong. All I know is that I feel different.....not bad really....Id much rather be here than where I was....but I think I left something.....back there.

hmm. maybe you are bored? or restless? or maybe it's a sort of transition... if you were overwhelmed with extreme negative emotions before, maybe as you're balancing out it's a little ho hum for awhile as the more positive emotions begin to grow. or maybe having balanced out feels relatively ho hum. what are you passionate about? are there interests or hobbies or dreams you are neglecting? or are you simply happy and calm and balanced? i think peaceful, simple in-the-moment happiness can be just as profound and intense as depression, though it takes a little while to sink into those positive things sometimes. maybe what you left back there was a big weight off your shoulders, maybe it's a good thing. don't worry, there'll be plenty of struggle in life, inevitably. enjoy the calm too! and obviously (i hope) i'm just brainstorming here, maybe something will spark something for you... but it kind of seems like you're... fine. just fine.

edit: i feel like something's not right though. even if everything's fine... that's maybe what's not right. i mean, you're saying all this in context of dating an INTP and rationalization and all that... are you missing the passion? is love burning a fire in your heart? or is the relationship dominated by rationality? you mentioned somewhere else that she cheated on you, and it sounds like you've rationalized it to yourself, which is maybe fine, except as i remember she's hanging out with the guy she cheated on you with like no big deal, i think that's what the thread was about (and i hope it's ok for me to bring this up, i'm assuming it is as there was a whole thread about it), that you can trust her as she's rationalized the situation to herself, so she likely doesn't have feelings for this guy, so you're rationalizing all that to yourself... i mean, sounds like a big giant wet blanket of rationalization if you ask me. even if she understands your feelings... how do you feel about that? understanding emotions isn't the same as feeling them, as sharing them. and rationalizing them away... very wet blanket.

[thehigher]

I think there's something to this.

It's taken me a long time, and I'm still not all the way there, to be comfortable with my feelings and my emotions. I've received scorn for the way and the depth that I feel from people who either can't or won't understand. As a result, I've grown so used to being wary of my feelings and second guessing them.

Altogether, I don't think it is a bad thing to do, but constantly denying your feelings or repressing them can lead to a ho hum feeling or even a depressed feeling.

I think I'm at an opposite point as you right now. I've spent my entire life trying to 'be more NT' that when I came across MB I was floored to find out I wasn't crazy. Luckily, the INTP I know got into MB with me and allows me to be authentic without making me feel like I'm wrong for having feelings. He doesn't get it fully, I don't think, but he seems to like that major difference between us nonetheless.

Actually, at times I almost envy it. When I see feelings in his eyes it's almost naive in nature. I'm constantly questioning and seeking to understand my feelings, and he just feels them.

I digress. Back to the point that Peace has made, I think the lack of feelings is a sign. Only you can decide what it is a sign of. Feelings are supposed to be our guide or compass to know what is right. As I learn not to be so critical or distrusting of mine, I find that they aren't always as irrational as I'm made to think. I'm learning to not replace my feelings with logic, merely supplement to know where my limits are in reality.

Edit:


Is it unrelated to being close with an NT? Do you feel stuck in life at all or like things aren't moving forward?

I love your posts haha. I know EXACTLY what you mean with the intp. Cute no? When you give them a taste of the feelings that you have....they just look so darn cute. I have feelings and I follow them.....it's ....I guess there is no conflict in my life. I can figure things out .....I am not lost.....I am not vulnerable anymore......this leads to a different array of feelings......I am still verrrrry in touch ....sorry I don't think I made that clear in the first post. But.... I dunno.....I think in order to feel deep joy....you must feel deep pain.....I haven't had a chance to feel deep pain in awhile....everything has been fine.....

Oh and don't worry about digressing. I'm not THAT far into NT world :)