[lostintranslation]

Warning this question is long and protracted. It does have everything though, love,lies, loyalty,Sex, Sanction,suicide, Somalian pirates ( alright maybe no pirates), Pressure and poverty.

Here goes nothing.
So i met this girl-INTP. Fell in love instantly. A few dates and i was seeing stars and singing praises, and my dopamine levels were off the charts. I felt insanely attracted towards her mind. She expressed similar feelings(gasp). Things seemed perfect. We started seeing each other regularly there were a few problems but nothing huge. I didnt even want to have sex with her until she was ready-( which is something i had never done before - 3 dates and i would usually breakdown the barriers with previous girls) I felt content just in her presence. So a month passes we finally break down and give into the urge and have sex and like a fool i promptly utter i think im falling in love with you. To which she replies she feels the same way for me. She was still constantly talking about her ex, and how he did certain things and how he was insane and cheated on her and dated other women while they were together. I didnt see the warning signs but they were there( foreshadowing)

another month passes and we are still in heaven- I however became unemployed and decided to go back to school, so i could not take her out to have fun all the time and such . three months into it I notice weird patterns she would always keep her phone close to her. She started to complain that i never did nice things for her. Being an unemployed ENTJ its hard to take criticism especially considering i was doing things for her that i had never done for any girl before. I find out that she had still been seeing her EX on and off- (they would make out, go out, ( wouldnt have sex because he was a virgin... atleast thats what she told me ) And he was well off so she enjoyed fine dining a lot. I check her email ( i know wrong.... and find out they had been constantly messaging almost as much as we had been and she was expressing feelings of adoration and that she would try to be better for him.... )
I confront her- she cries - Swears up and down that she did it because she was afraid of the intense feelings she had for me and that i would break her heart so she was keeping a backup option ( at first she couldnt explain this and took some time and coaxing to finally get it out) I felt lost since i had never been in love before. Said she was ashamed of her actions and that she would not do this ever again as she has trust issues and would not want to give me similar trust issues.

any how a month passes and i meet her DAD because i still wanted to marry her and was still very much in love, and i wrote it off as what she had told me. I however only had a brief encounter with her father as he was visiting from out of town and i was ashamed that i was dating her highly successful daughter and making a pittance. This pissed her off to no regard as i always would harp about how important family was ... she was pissed that i did not treat her family the same way i would treat my own.. ( this is true in terms of time spent, but also note that she hates her family)

things seem like they are ok again for a month... she still seems mad but things were looking good and I was planning on getting married in court soon. ( she had agreed to this)



Well one night i was sleeping at her place and her phone rang it was her ex and i looked at the conversation .... it seemed like she had been talking to him and going out with him again . she was ashamed again begged for my forgiveness said that it was petty --- that she didnt care for him anymore - that she did it because she felt slighted about the parent incident. ( she even threated to commit suicide)

After a break i decided to give her another chance... But the real questions are
is this what i am to expect if i do marry this woman?

Will intps be with a partner and cheat on them especially when they consider faithfullness an important trait ?

When INTP's fall in love ( rather if they do) is this sort of behavior normal?

She gets a kick out of the fact that i want to monitor her online accounts and has given me access... i feel dirty but i dont know what else to do, should i induldge in this behavior... i know nothing seems very healthy in this relationship( but i really dont have a yardstick to measure it with )

I have search up and down intp message boards trying to understand her actions. Can you please help me understand the intp perspective behind this.

TBH i am only slighted because of the intensity of emotion displayed on both sides... because it seems like she is just as crazy about me as I am about her. But maybe that is an act on her behalf. If she had said she wanted to see other people I would have toned down my emotions and been ok with it... ( i told her this the first time) I feel fairness and reciprocity pay a key role in relationships if it is ok for her to do things like this I had perhaps mischaracterized the nature of our relationship and i would have re-evaluated the whole thing. all in all she had been in contact with her ex for 80% of the duration of our relationship.

I applogize for the problems in the grammar and sentence structure.

[Cheveyo]

She doesn't sound like an INTP. She sounds more like my ENFP ex.

[lostintranslation]

Thats an interesting assesment... She does not like being touched or touching people. She spends loads of time reading. Fairly intelligent. to be honest i have actually thought about that, but her intp-ness does come through. and the tests that she did take gave her intp as her result.

[Cheveyo]

The thing about tests is that you can manipulate them to give you the answers you want. So if she wants to sound all deep and thoughtful, she may choose responses that would reflect that.


Does she like being around people? Does it drain her, or does it make her seem full of life afterward?

Intelligence doesn't mean anything. There can be genius level people of any personality type. The fact that she likes reading also doesn't mean she's an INTP. If you want to figure out what personality type a person is, you need to basically compare them to the stereotype of each and figure out which suits them more.

You should also take into account a person's psychological well-being.

[lostintranslation]

She does not like big crowds. Seems distant and cold at sometimes. Is ok with spending time at home. Is very independent. She prefers reading to interacting with people. Doesnt have many friends only a few close ones. Indecisive because she is constantly evaluating the data presented to her, and the quality of the data. Has difficulty dressing herself according to female norms. Has a short temper some times. Creates systems to deal with social situations. Is aloof about social cues at times and what is generally considered appropriate. I really wanted to thank you for your response....

[Bast]

I agree, she doesn't sound like an INTP at all.

Also, maybe this would be better in the advice thread or something if you really want some help.

[lostintranslation]

thank you. i am fairly new at personality cafe so i didnt know about the advice threads. Should i repost?

[shasha001]

You seem to be in it 100% this girl seems only 50%. If did it twice then she will most likely put you through that again. Good luck she seems hard to read..

[lostintranslation]

She doesn't sound like an INTP. She sounds more like my ENFP ex.

She does talk fondly of one of her ex's that was and INTP and claims to have been and ENTP before that. Are ENFP's prone to faking personalities?

[23424234]

She does not like big crowds. Seems distant and cold at sometimes. Is ok with spending time at home. Is very independent. She prefers reading to interacting with people. Doesnt have many friends only a few close ones. Indecisive because she is constantly evaluating the data presented to her, and the quality of the data. Has difficulty dressing herself according to female norms. Has a short temper some times. Creates systems to deal with social situations. Is aloof about social cues at times and what is generally considered appropriate. I really wanted to thank you for your response....

Whoops, I didn't mean to "thank" that.

Well she sounds like me, but don't get too hasty. I didn't even read it, waaay too long. I'm reading a far more interesting book right now on human trafficking. Maybe I'll get back to you on this tomorrow.