INTP/ENFP compatibility discussion.

INTP/ENFP compatibility discussion.

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This is a discussion on INTP/ENFP compatibility discussion. within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Let's start off plain and simple. I'm INTP. My partner, ENFP. [I'm talking a romantic relationship and this little bit ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    INTP/ENFP compatibility discussion.

    Let's start off plain and simple.
    I'm INTP.
    My partner, ENFP.

    [I'm talking a romantic relationship and this little bit here doesn't reflect an INTP/ENFP friendship. It really touches on how that particular ENFP affects this INTP]

    As an INTP in a relationship with an ENFP, I find it tolerable at best.
    Before calling it quits, however, I like to think things through to make sure it's what I really want. [sometimes I view things so objectively, I rarely think of how decisions would make ME FEEL, and oftentimes the things I feel are unexpected, and rarely positive, however short-lived, but I'm trying not to make those mistakes so I won't waste time thinking what it could've been as opposed to accepting what becomes of it.]
    back to the topic on hand:
    I could go on for days about how he's extremely clingy, unusually selfish (and quite unaware of it), and pretty demanding. He has to have my attention 100% of the time and rarely appreciates when I do the things he asks. [e.g. when I call him, he asks why I didn't call sooner]
    I mean, I've never been one for affection and in most cases, I find it annoying when someone is too affectionate.

    Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant to be with anyone, and I've become quite fond of that thought.


    ANYWAY. I was wondering if it's just me, or has any other INTPs had any relationships with an ENFP that wasn't exactly ideal (and what made it that way?)
    Also any ENFP's who want to contribute whatever it is that you don't like about an INTP if you've been in a relationship with them would be interesting also.



    Also, do you just think that INTP's are just the type of people who are meant to be alone?
    Mutatio NOmenis, Btmangan, noosabar and 3 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Hi, I dont know if your right about this. But for me (INTP) and alone for quite a while its not unthinkable that I will stay single forever. Hopefully not, but Ive seen others (singles) making more efforts to find a partner. To get back to your situation I have to say that I think that an INTP and a ENFP can make an excellent team.
    Petrahygen thanked this post.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    *shrug* *shrug*
    iemanja and JusticeTaylor thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I am in the exact same situation.. except i am the dude. Yeah, I just really don't understand where to go with this. She gets all self conscious if I do not let her know I think she is great, and that is a total turn off.

    I do not understand the need of affection. I would be fine alone, but I guess I would rather not have to be.

  5. #5
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Pancake Machine View Post
    I am in the exact same situation.. except i am the dude. Yeah, I just really don't understand where to go with this. She gets all self conscious if I do not let her know I think she is great, and that is a total turn off.

    I do not understand the need of affection. I would be fine alone, but I guess I would rather not have to be.

    I don't know how long you've been dating your ENFP, but I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 and a half years. He's thrown tantrums, has violent bouts of destructive behaviors (he's been through 3 vehicles, someone's fence, a fire hydrant, a street sign, a couple of guard rails, and a tree... all of which he ruined while he was angry with me... When he's upset with me, he has a tendency to get drunk and get behind the wheel of his current vehicle and/or get in fights with people, although he would NEVER lay a hand on me personally.) Sometimes I wonder if his behavior is his cry out for attention.
    I've never met anyone so emotionally driven in my life.
    His possessive, somewhat controlling behavior has really been a turn off.
    I'm not so sure if it's the ENFP behavior on it's own, or if it's just him.
    I have ENFP friends, and they're really in their relationships, always wanting to be around and spend time, but I'm not so sure they've ever taken it to the extremes he has.
    Also, my ENFP friends and I get along perfectly, and although they aren't always happy about it, they respect my space. There's definitely something magnetic about their personalty that draws me to them like no other, but as far as a relationship goes, maybe they get a sense of entitlement or something that takes it to another level.

    I also could totally see myself alone. I'm finding myself thinking more about what I could be doing when I'm with him. I think about being home alone, researching or drawing... Or I'll think about going to a friend's house I haven't seen in a while (he doesn't like any of my friends, and he refuses to let me leave his side so it's hard to visit people he doesn't like... in other words... i hardly see my friends anymore unless he approves). I don't know what I'm waiting for to be honest. I don't like leaving people behind. I guess it's because I know so few people, I have a hard time giving up those I know.
    I also know that leaving him, I'll be fine... I'm more worried about what or who's life he's going to destroy by acting out when the decision is finally made.
    DesolateIridescence thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Just so you kids know, I have not dated an INTP, so I can't give you any info concerning the whole dynamic--just what it means to be ENFP and in a relationship. Because of my Ne, I'm always watching people (even when I'm not watching). People are curious to me, and I want to know them on a deeper level than 'hey, what's up?'

    Meh, anyways. Even in passing, I'm subconsciously looking to see what other people are thinking. Therefore my Fe makes me care (yeah, sometimes it sucks, but eh--thats how it works) about what their thinking.

    In short, because INTPs keep to themselves and don't emote very much (which is fine), ENFPs in a relationship with them will get confused---often (until we know you aren't leaving). If we see just a possibility of dissatisfaction, we want to know why and how we can fix it/if we can fix it, or how we can help (this can just go on near indefinitely.........).

    So, my fellow NPs (that happen to have an 'I' and a 'T'). If we seem clingy, mushy, wanting to know if you are okay with us---thats why, or at least a good part of why. We're often concerned about the relationship and if we are making our significant other happy.

    Again, I can't speak for all ENFPs, but that's the way it is for me and several other ENFPs I know.

    Quote Originally Posted by teflon View Post
    I don't know how long you've been dating your ENFP, but I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 and a half years. He's thrown tantrums, has violent bouts of destructive behaviors (he's been through 3 vehicles, someone's fence, a fire hydrant, a street sign, a couple of guard rails, and a tree... all of which he ruined while he was angry with me... When he's upset with me, he has a tendency to get drunk and get behind the wheel of his current vehicle and/or get in fights with people, although he would NEVER lay a hand on me personally.) Sometimes I wonder if his behavior is his cry out for attention.
    I've never met anyone so emotionally driven in my life.
    His possessive, somewhat controlling behavior has really been a turn off.
    I'm not so sure if it's the ENFP behavior on it's own, or if it's just him.
    I have ENFP friends, and they're really in their relationships, always wanting to be around and spend time, but I'm not so sure they've ever taken it to the extremes he has.
    Also, my ENFP friends and I get along perfectly, and although they aren't always happy about it, they respect my space. There's definitely something magnetic about their personalty that draws me to them like no other, but as far as a relationship goes, maybe they get a sense of entitlement or something that takes it to another level.

    I also could totally see myself alone. I'm finding myself thinking more about what I could be doing when I'm with him. I think about being home alone, researching or drawing... Or I'll think about going to a friend's house I haven't seen in a while (he doesn't like any of my friends, and he refuses to let me leave his side so it's hard to visit people he doesn't like... in other words... i hardly see my friends anymore unless he approves). I don't know what I'm waiting for to be honest. I don't like leaving people behind. I guess it's because I know so few people, I have a hard time giving up those I know.
    I also know that leaving him, I'll be fine... I'm more worried about what or who's life he's going to destroy by acting out when the decision is finally made.
    I'm assuming you've tried talking to him about all these things he does (hopefully, while he's in a good mood?)?
    Vexilla Regis, Grunfur, Mrcursive and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Your feedback was really helpful. I've always carried on the philosophy "if it's not broken, don't try to fix it."
    I guess for him it's the opposite.

    I'm assuming you've tried talking to him about all these things he does (hopefully, while he's in a good mood?)?
    Ahh, THOSE conversations... you see, he usually understands where I'm coming from, but all in all it ends up with him letting his emotions get in the way... and he'll usually pick something I say and scrutinize it until he can find something wrong with it, therefore nothing I say can have any relevance (according to his logic, or lack thereof to be honest... lol)... or he'll talk in circles in an attempt to discredit the points i'm trying to get across by trying to make me contradict myself.
    SO usually no matter how often we try to talk about things, usually it becomes an attempt to prove me inferior so he doesn't have to apply anything I suggest.

    I guess my emotionally apathetic approach really doesn't get me anywhere, but I don't see much how his destructive behavior (to himself and others) gets him very far either.
    Vexilla Regis thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    I think you could really benefit from opening some channels of honest communication. You are aware of the issues you are having, but have you spoken up about them? I don't think you should give up until you've at least attempted to sort things out. Just try to approach him as non-judgementally and calmly as possible, and you could end up having a wonderfully healing conversation.

    My experiences with ENFPs have been very smooth. INTP and ENFP both meet the world with their Ne, so communication should come naturally if you let it. Don't give in just yet
    Petrahygen thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Ditch it.

    That is no relationship for an INTP, and I know you already know this :P

    ....it's kinda depressing feeling as if you weren't meant to be with anyone, isn't it?

    :-\ :(

  10. #10
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Dear INTP,
    Don't do it....just don't


 
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