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About LinkBacksOriginally Posted by Radiant Flux
holy shit, I'm not the only one that this happens to? I mean, I know it doesn't make any sense at all and that there's no possible way.... but sometimes I can't shake the feeling.
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This is a discussion on Confessions of an INTP within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Radiant Flux my N will get away with me and I'll get paranoid that someone can read ...
holy shit, I'm not the only one that this happens to? I mean, I know it doesn't make any sense at all and that there's no possible way.... but sometimes I can't shake the feeling.
Hell yes. My mom is the same way, yet I sort of go onto fan fiction (FF) sites designed for adults only... Heheh, yeah. Oh well. I suppose as long as I'm not watching porn, you know... (yeah, only reading and writing it)- Even though I'm probably much smarter than the large majority of my peers, I don't feel smart enough. I should be a genius. I should be on one of those documentaries about freakishly intelligent children who have won awards and written books. But I'm not. I feel exceptionally average.
- I really regret being into horoscopes and crystals and stuff as a kid. My mum is that sort of person, and I grew up taking that sort of stuff as fact. I learned to be skeptical. I wish I'd never been like that. Still, there's a part of me that's still interested in auras and psychic powers and numerology and all that jazz.
- I want a boyfriend. For the most part, I'm glad to be a nerdy kind of girl, but that seems to have a negative impact on my social life. I don't have time to go to parties or flirt with boys (not that I know how to anyway), and I highly doubt anyone's just going to walk up to me and ask me out. There's not really anyone at school that I would WANT to go out with, but I'm not easily attracted by looks. The guys I like are sexy because they're intelligent, creative and have great minds. Of course, they're old enough to be my dad.I'm only really attracted by personality (as long as they're still decent in the looks department - I'm allowed to be a bit shallow!) and I'm not social enough to know the personalities of the guys around me. It looks like I'm going to be one of those people who don't have their first kiss (never mind their first, uh...time) until they've left school. I don't want to have to wait! I want a sexy nerd to sweep me off my feet RIGHT NOW!
- I wish I had a better body. I know, I know. But I do. I wish I had a better face, too. A better jaw. An actual chin.
- Sometimes I don't like my friends. I don't feel like I can be serious with them. If it's just one-on-one, I can have some really great conversations, but other times, I don't feel like I can ask them for advice or talk to them without joking around. We tried to have a band, but all we did was download tabs and do boring covers. I, personally, wanted to do something creative. I wanted to take it seriously. The rest of them, I think, just wanted to do it for fun. We couldn't write any music because nobody wanted to come up with lyrics. I've tried to write lyrics myself, but I'm terrible. I've always hated poetry and the fact that stuff like that always seems so personal. If you write a poem or a song, people will always assume that it's all about your emotions and your experiences. I don't like when people can see my emotions, even if they aren't my real emotions. I don't like when people pry. I find it really hard to be abstract, so I couldn't write lyrics about just anything. I wanted to try and write lyrics with others, but it just didn't work. These people have been my friends since I was around 5, but we've never really been a group for talking about feelings and stuff. That's probably why I like forums like PerC so much.
- There's one girl in our group (who only joined a few years ago) that we all agree can be really annoying. She's left out of our little group quite a lot, but she's one of those people that can get on with anyone and doesn't seem to mind. Sometimes, though, I wish she was more a part of the group. I find that she can be a lot easier to talk to seriously (see last point). She left the 'band' when we still rehearsed, which was both good and bad. She constantly played over everyone else and couldn't listen to direction, but we managed to get more done when she was there. Now, she does her own thing musically. I think she's written a few songs and even been part of a 'gig'. There are times when I'd like her to be my only friend, because I feel that I do need that sort of person to talk to and the rest of the group kind of ruin it. Still, I love all of my friends, and I could never stop hanging out with them.
- Being a teenager is terrible, but I don't want to leave school because I'll have responsibility. I'm afraid of my dream job because I don't think I'm good enough for it. I'm terrified of having to make decisions about college or uni and having to write applications and CVs. Sure, it'll be okay when I get there, but what if I make the wrong choice on the way? It seems like I've got to do it all perfectly the first time or the rest of my life's going to get severely screwed up.
- My mum doesn't know anything about what I do on the Internet. She has no idea I'm talking to strangers on sites like PerC or displaying my work on deviantART or uploading videos to YouTube, but that's probably where most of my time goes. I feel like I'm living a double life.
- I'm scared.
Oh, and I can sometimes be a little too careful.
Like, I'll name the FF's I write things like ff1 or list so they seem normal, and hide them in plain sight.
When ever I go into my history, I make sure to close all of the folders in the history bar and set it back to history, so they don't know that I know how to use it.
I open multiple tabs that I don't use so that if my mom comes in I can just close out of the window that has 18+ FF's on it.
I delete all of my emails regarding the FF's and delete my trash after
I've created a completely seperate identity and made a site under that name where I can post my FF's. As far as the Snarry community is concerned, I'm a friendly 22 y.o. named Ivory J. Moore who writes (probably awful) fan fiction stories.
Yup. At least I don't drink or do drugs. Hell, I don't even WATCH porn. Better than alot of teens I would say.
^ ILU. <3
OK, ok, I got one...
Deep, deep down, hidden somewhere in the dark labyrinthine caverns of my sick and twisted mind...
*whisper* i am a hopelessly sentimental romantic.
There, I said it D:
I mean, it's horrifying. It's embarrassing. You should SEE the things I write when I get all sappy and moody and gross and ew. And then when I'm all "better," I'll look back at it and go, "....what the hell was I thinking?!" (but I can't get rid of them cuz I like them and think they're beautiful ;-;)
This post is way too emotionally expressive for INTP forum. Sorry. Lol.
DITTO! Sometimes I wonder if I'm an INTP with people I don't care about and then once I find a girl I'm interested I turn into an ISF or something nutty and irrational like that. It's quite troubling -_-
1. My hatred always loves.
1.25. I am very sweet to my boyfriend, and I see little reason why I should be ashamed of this (there is a difference between shyness and shame). Why the hell would I be cold, distant, and calculating with someone who cares for me and has done nothing to deserve it? I also don't see why I should regret it in the future if my affections were honest at the time.
1.50. The word "boyfriend" is annoying.
2. I am uncomfortable with the personalization present in statements that begin with "I".
3. You don't have to mention the possibility of me being wrong. I leave room for it, even when I judge.
4. I am terribly afraid of dying without being sick of the world from having experienced so much of it.
5. I enjoy cooking as a creative and delicious process.
6. People describe me as being sweet. I am nice to many, but accommodate to few.
7. You cannot convince me that when I cry, it is not a sign of weakness. Therefore, I am a hypocrite. So is everyone else.
11. I write for the sake of writing and wordplay, which may involve unconventional approaches, and may be the simplest piece of prose or poetry. It's not an expression of my soul, it's more like a puzzle with rhyme schemes and patterns. If you have a problem with the way I write, respect it or stop reading. I'm not disgracing the English language just because I use words by their archaic or etymological meaning.
12. I like clothes, shoes, and perfume, though most times I dress simplistically.
13. Sometimes, I indulge in romantic comedies and tubs of pineapple coconut ice cream. But I hate sappy shit.
14. Because sometimes writing and drawing are so easy for me to do, it is difficult for me to believe that others lack this potential. I try to motivate others, although I dislike telling them how to do things - especially when it comes to originality!
15. I CAN'T STAND POLITICS OR SOCIAL REGULATIONS.
15.25. I ALSO CAN'T STAND INSECTS.
15.50. OR WASABI SAUCE.
15.65. OR DIRTY KITCHENS.
15.75. OR WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY HATE MATH OR SCIENCE OR QUOTE FAMOUS SCIENTISTS ON SHITTY FONT THAT REFLECTS ZERO PROFESSIONALISM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW WONDERFUL THOMAS EDISON WAS TO FEATURE HIM ON A 320x400 THUMBNAIL WITH SPARKLING BUTTERFLIES FLYING FROM THE CORNERS IN CURSIVE FONT OR QUOTE EINSTEIN ON YOUR FB STATUS WITH A HEART NEXT TO IT?!
16. I am irritable. I practice ambidexterity. I juxtapose unrelated things.
17. I'm aware of way more things than I bother to say.
18. I fucking love cursing.
1.) I had my front tooth knocked out seven times, a torn bicep and ACL, a broken arm, and a separated shoulder.
2.) I have read every book by Kurt Vonnegut.
3.) I lost my virginity to a middle-aged Indonesian female boxer that used me for a rebound.
4.) I do not completely believe in anything, not even this statement.
5.) I would not mind having sex with a member of the same sex if said member was sexy.
6.) I do not think I have ever loved another person romantically, nor do I care to.
7.) I saw my father die on the same day that I returned from a strip club.
8.) I consider myself a realist but I do not know what reality is.
9.) I really enjoy finding or learning about fallacies in ideas.
10.) I listen to audio books to help me go to sleep.
11.) Sometimes I become so bored when dealing with people that I ask strange questions to gauge their reactions. For instance, after reading the Polygamy thread on this forum, I asked a group of random people what they thought about it, which led to a colorful discussion.
I actually lawled at this. Good job. xD
P.S. I hate math. :B
I want nothing more than to be able to use this word when talking about my own life.
Half the time, I'd settle with a really garbage boyfriend just to know that for a second, someone thought I was pretty and to know that I could trick someone into liking me LIKE THAT.
I just want to feel for a little bit like I wont be alone forever, being the creepy old cat lady. I don't even like cats.
[/wallowy self pity sap]
I just have a thing for certain men who happen to be old.
Seriously. The age gap between Crispin Glover and me is 33 years or something but I STILL think he's the sex. It's okay, though, because he hasn't aged at all on the outside! Actually, that's a little scary. NONE of the actors in Back To The Future have. Honestly.
Oh, and the age gap between Danny Elfman and me is about 43 years but he's also totally sexy. Well, mind-wise. He's still a creative genius, but he did look better back in the day. Believe me. 80's Danny was HOT.
Okay, you're now free to make fun of my taste in men.
When I give tarot reading for fun and someone calls me a psychic, it makes me feel good.
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