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This is a discussion on Confessions of an INTP within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Sedna90377 I'm similar. I find myself believing in possibilities so strongly, I create different "reality scenarios" in ...
I broke up with my boyfriend of three years a while ago and realized that I loved the fantasy version of him, not the actual person. What's sad is I didn't care. I was content at the time. What frustrates me is he (or whatever) was my first love and now I have these strong feelings and don't know who the hell I have them for.
So if we're more in love with the image of the person we create in our head, doesn't this mean we're more in love with our own imaginations than real people? And if we love something we've created in our mind more than the person, doesn't this mean we're more in love with ourselves?
I made a post a while back asking if we as INTP's are more prone to narcissism, but i think i should have asked, "are we more prone towards self-love?" (are they really that different?)
For example, as a child I always created the perfect friends or mate in my head. I'd just turn on the fantasy switch and those around me would know I'm "not there." I recall recess as a kid. The girls would bring barbies and play with them after lunch. Well, one kind girl came up to me during one of my fantasy sessions and asked me if I had one. I told her that I didn't but I did ask my mom to get me one that evening. My mom never liked my tom boy qualities so she jumped right on it thinking it was good for me. Well, that ended in the failure. It bothers me that majority of young girls, when they play with dolls, they are conditioning themselves to be mothers or the like. How dreadful. My best friends were males growing up because males are just fucking great. So interesting with all sorts of interests and hobbies.
Edit: I remember when my best childhood friend said he liked me. I was only 9 so I did what came naturally--I hurled a rock to his forehead.
-I wish I could understand my peers.
-I wish my throat didn't go dry, my heart didn't race, when I have to explain my feelings.
-I wish I didn't feel so stupid all the time.
-I wish I didn't feel weak for posting these.
My biggest confession...
After eighth grade, I left school. I was going to home school (long story as to why, I won't get into it) but never did any of the work. So basically, I have no formal high school education.
And yet I've been offered spots in honors college classes and a job tutoring English and psychology. Go figure.