For INTPs who have described INFJs as "complex"

**bengalcat** · 06-11-2012 09:51 PM

This is something I've been wondering about for quite a while now... But what do people mean when they describe an INFJ as being "complex"? There was a thread here maybe last week or thereabouts where there were some INTPs giving a favourable opinion of INFJs and some of the explanations why included "complex".

What is so complex? I figure that irl I seem complex or deep to a lot of people mainly because they don't know me and have never really tried to. Because I'm usually quiet and don't randomly offer stuff out of the blue, when I do say something they're usually quite surprised. I'm thinking this is because they didn't have much in the way of experience or expectations to compare my response to. Maybe they assume that quiet people are shy, hollow people who have no thoughts... *shrugs*

But if someone asks me questions, even personal ones, I usually answer quite honestly and will answer them like 95% of the time. I'm not hiding anything. I'm not trying to get people tangled up or show them some obscured picture.

I guess I feel like... I don't consider myself complex. What is it that makes the INFJ seem like such a puzzle? Or... what is the puzzle?

And... why is it INFJs are often called complex but INFPs rarely so? Do INFPs seem more consistent and less self-contradicting or something?

**Snakecharmer** · 06-11-2012 10:18 PM

I'll try to answer this...

My son is only 12, but I believe he is an INFJ. I suspected it based on things I have read, and had him take the HumanMetrics test just for fun. His result was INFJ.

I often say he is complex because he is normally a very calm, peaceful person, but if someone violates one of his moral or ethical codes - whoa. He avoids conflict but isn't afraid to speak his mind when something is very important to him - and he can get very passionate and outspoken very quickly. It usually seems like it comes out of nowhere, but I suspect that he holds it in until he feels like he's going to burst and has to let it out. It confuses me, because I'm outspoken all of the time and prefer to get things out in the open right away - I don't hold things in. Sometimes he has little emotional outbursts that confuse me. I don't always know how to handle them. I just listen to him and let him vent...I think that's what he is looking for, but I'm not sure...

He's also very hard on himself and won't give himself credit for much, even though he earns excellent grades and has many talents (he's a very gifted writer, artist, and gymnast).

He can be moody, sarcastic, condescending, and snippy one minute, and sweet and affectionate the next.

He believes that it is possible that some people have psychic ability, and I do not...we have discussions about it sometimes and they usually end with him not speaking to me for a little while...

Just some examples...he's an enigma to me sometimes...

**NeedsNewNameNow** · 06-12-2012 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by bengalcat

This is something I've been wondering about for quite a while now... But what do people mean when they describe an INFJ as being "complex"? There was a thread here maybe last week or thereabouts where there were some INTPs giving a favourable opinion of INFJs and some of the explanations why included "complex".

What is so complex? I figure that irl I seem complex or deep to a lot of people mainly because they don't know me and have never really tried to. Because I'm usually quiet and don't randomly offer stuff out of the blue, when I do say something they're usually quite surprised. I'm thinking this is because they didn't have much in the way of experience or expectations to compare my response to. Maybe they assume that quiet people are shy, hollow people who have no thoughts... *shrugs*

But if someone asks me questions, even personal ones, I usually answer quite honestly and will answer them like 95% of the time. I'm not hiding anything. I'm not trying to get people tangled up or show them some obscured picture.

I guess I feel like... I don't consider myself complex. What is it that makes the INFJ seem like such a puzzle? Or... what is the puzzle?

And... why is it INFJs are often called complex but INFPs rarely so? Do INFPs seem more consistent and less self-contradicting or something?

I don't know. In my experience, INFPs seem complex, but INFJs don't.
I think it's because in my experience with INFJs is they are just upfront with things, there's no guessing. INFPs keep a lot more things to themselves. But standard disclaimer: individuals vary.

**NeedsNewNameNow** · 06-12-2012 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by Snakecharmer

I'll try to answer this...

My son is only 12, but I believe he is an INFJ. I suspected it based on things I have read, and had him take the HumanMetrics test just for fun. His result was INFJ.

I often say he is complex because he is normally a very calm, peaceful person, but if someone violates one of his moral or ethical codes - whoa. He avoids conflict but isn't afraid to speak his mind when something is very important to him - and he can get very passionate and outspoken very quickly. It usually seems like it comes out of nowhere, but I suspect that he holds it in until he feels like he's going to burst and has to let it out. It confuses me, because I'm outspoken all of the time and prefer to get things out in the open right away - I don't hold things in. Sometimes he has little emotional outbursts that confuse me. I don't always know how to handle them. I just listen to him and let him vent...I think that's what he is looking for, but I'm not sure...

He's also very hard on himself and won't give himself credit for much, even though he earns excellent grades and has many talents (he's a very gifted writer, artist, and gymnast).

He can be moody, sarcastic, condescending, and snippy one minute, and sweet and affectionate the next.

He believes that it is possible that some people have psychic ability, and I do not...we have discussions about it sometimes and they usually end with him not speaking to me for a little while...

Just some examples...he's an enigma to me sometimes...

are you sure he isn't INFP? They are more known to blow up when their (implying personal) moral code is violated.

**qingdom** · 06-12-2012 08:04 AM

so an NFJ storms into a room and glares at an NTP yelling "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?????"

the NTP leans back a little as if riding the wave of the NFJ's breath of words like a blast.

the NTP runs all scenarios of most recent encounters with NFJ going through all possibilities of what they could possibly be talking about.

parsecs becomes nanoseconds... nanoseconds becomes seconds...

NTP shrugs and surrenders going "I don't know. What do YOU want from ME!?!?!?"

**Iamtp** · 06-12-2012 03:32 PM

I think what it is that shapes their morals or their own personal code is sort of what gives them that label of complexity to me.
And I don't mean they live their life according to that code, just that it is in them and they can't necessarily define it but they keep trying to express it in different ways.

I just think INFPs are more straightforward emotionally in general, so to an outsider it is probably easier to pick up a little more quickly what makes them tick. That and the whole unfiltered thing. Whether that gives them the appearance of being more or less complex, I'm not sure. It has taken me longer to get to know the handful of INFJs over the 2 or 3 INFPs I know.