Originally Posted by
Val1991 
intps are not comfortable with the dating scene in general. When we meet new people, we tend to reflect their energy when trying to make conversation. We're Ne's and P's, so we are flexible with our topic catagories and talking style when we feel the need to impress or interest someone. When we first get to know someone we spend alot time trying to figure them out by engaging them in a way that interest's them personally (If we are interested in them enough). If I find that a person's energy level is too high for me to keep up with I either a.) See them less often and in small bursts (because I don't have the energy to keep up for long), b.) Let them start to see the real me (the relaxed version) and see how much it affects them (do they start to feel awkward with me and expect more from me or maybe lose interest in me all together?), or c.) I stop seeing them all together. I like energetic people, but not needy ones who expect me to keep up. I prefer to just listen contently. It's the easiest way for me to maintain a relationship. They do all the talking and I just listen. Alot of extroverts really appreciate it, especially since I can create sudden interest in random things, because I like learning about new things and especially like learning about it from their point of view.
Anyway, in the flip situation, if I meet someone laid back, like you, (I know another intj who I looove.) it is easier to make a more lasting and less superficial relationship right from the start, especially if they are intellectual. I might come on strong and confident and outgoing, but as soon as I find out that you don't expect that of me, I'll turn off the switch. If she suddenly seems more relaxed and less interested, she's become really comfortable with you. That's actually a good thing. She now trusts you to be comfortable with the real her. intp's really dislike superficiality, but we don't always like seclusion either, so we adjust. But to find someone who accepts us without all the flair? Bingo. You may see a less sparkly version of us, but you will also see alot more of us, and more often. We like being with you because the relationship doesn't drain our energy in a way that we constantly have to recharge.
Intp's are definately not naturally flirtatious. She might have been when you first met, but she may have just been matching your energy. And then when you guys started to relax, the flrting dwindled.
Intp's are really bad at maintining relationships, but not for reasons that you would expect. Once we like you, we like you, unless you give us a really good reason not to. It wouldn't be logical to suddenly stop liking someone for no reason at all. We just tend to forget...things. It's like how that other chick explained the mario bro. thing. Sometimes the world in our head gets hectic and we lose track of time. "What? has it really been a week? It feels like I just saw you yesterday...) Intjs and intps are very similar, but our functions are oppposites. intps are TiNeSiFe Whereas intj's are NiTeFiSe. While your extroverted thinking allows you to more effective stratigize and organize in the world around you. Our thinking is introverted. We strategize and organize thoughts and philosophies. In our head. Our head is a giant filing cabinet. Everything that our Ne brings in get scrutinized, organized, and stored/discarded by the Ti. That's why we tend to short out in the middle of conversations. You are giving us too much information to sort at once, and sometimes we get stuck on something you said, and while you continue while we dwell on your recent comment. It's like we went along for the ride, but got left at the gas station by accident. By the time we come to conclusion we missed half of the conversation. Some people mistake this as not being interested. If we like you, we will invest time and energy into you by a.) talking about your interests if not our own (Sometimes we forget to talk about ourselves) b.) trying to be helpful and/or make you happy, c.) spending alot of time with you, even when we are not in a talkative mood. (that's when you know you are close to someone, is when you can comfortably sit on a couch in silence without feeling at all awkward)
We also have off days when it comes to our attention span. Sometimes, a problem will come along and we will mentally fixate on it for days, if not longer. this is why they say that intp's have the largest compacity for focus. We are addicted to a mental challenge and sometimes we don't know how to stop thinking about it till we figure it out or find a more intreaging problem. And the best/worst part of it all, is that the people around us have no idea. There is ford factory production going on in our heads and, because while we retract into the world of thought we go expressionless and blank, people think we are drooling airheads with wind whistling between our ears. So if an intp appears to suddenly lose interest in you, don't take it personally. We have powerful focus, but it can only focus on so many things at once. The less it focuses on, the more it accomplishes. We haven't lost interest in you, we're just distracted and don't have an easy time bouncing back and forth between internal thought and external happenings. When this happens, if I were you, I might express interest by asking what she is thinking about and show that you care by not being judgmental about it, no matter how menial or idiotic it may sound. Don't ever make her feel stupid, especially when she opens up. I love it when people respect and admire my deep thought. The only person who does is my sister who is an isfj. She says she can always tell when I'm not really there because my face glazes over. But she never judges me and makes me feel a little special for it. Now it might be hard to get an intp to express her thoughts because...
We hate redundancy. We don't like stating the obvious or to state useless and meaningless things (Unless we are trying to be humorous.) Now our fe may be very stunted, but it is still there. And because it is extroverted it is sensitive to other people's feeling more than our own. Because it is so dwarfed, we are insecure about how our words and actoins will affect people. We are afraid we might bore you by talking about things that you might not be interested in. We are experts at making a long story extremely short. That's why you may catch us rushing through an explanation, or brushing off a question like "how was your day?" Alot may have happened that day, but we are not good storytellers, so unless it was a novel experience or really interesting, we don't elaborate. "Yah, it was okay..." We may need help to open up and express our thoughts and feelings, but if you nurture us into it and allow us to speak freely without judgement or losing you're interest, we become very fond of you, because we feel truly accepted, even in the midst of our naked minds and emotions. The only person I feel that way with is my sister. I'm actually dependent on her in a way. Without her I would be completely isolated from society. She's the only person who I can walk up to, start rambling about philisophical nonsense, get a couple u-huh's, and walk away. And I have no fear of doing so. I would be lost with a capital "L" without her. And the person doesn't have to have alot in common personality wise to make us feel this way. I mean, my sister is an isfj. They just have to know what makes us tick and treat us with respect and understanding. Other than that, we are very low maintenance. I refuse to marry a man who does not understand me in this way. It's the only way I can thrive on a deep social level. and if you can come to make her feel this way, you won't lose her easily.
Now this all applies to me personally. It may not apply to the girl in question or any other intp's for that matter, but this is my version of intp condensed bootcamp for those who want to get close and seem confused. I hope it was helpful and insightful.
P.S. If you want to compliment your lady friend and make her feel special, compliment her on her intelligence/maturity/good humor. Not on superficial things. I mean, we do like to know that you think we're pretty or look nice, but telling us directly throws us off and we feel uncomfortable. Instead let us know indirectly in way that you are not directly telling us, almost as if it is a known fact that you believe to be true instead of a verbal gift that we don't know how to accept. Just as an utterly random example, maybe instead of "you look pretty" , how about, casually and tenderly, "Hey there, beautiful, what do you want to do tonight?" It let's us know that you think we are pretty without making us feel like we have to respond verbally or emotionally, and then we'll feel giddy and be mentally chewing on the remark all night. Just a thought...
P.P.S. (What does P.P.S. even mean?) I apologize now for the typos. I'm too pooped to proof read...
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