[WolfStar]

If I can't help them anyways, either incapable or they do not want to be helped, I am unmoved by their situation. If they cry for help and I know I am capable of giving it I will always be there. It would be foolish for me to not take advantage of my strengths and use them to assist others.

[Coonsy]

I'm at a loss with other people's emotional breakdowns, and not much better with my own.

After years of repeatedly saying the wrong things, I just tend to ignore the situation until it goes away. Unless someone has specifically told me something they want to hear in specific situations, in which case I will try to regurgitate that in a manner as close to authentic as I can muster....if I can do that in writing, it helps because I can write all kinds of crap without them having to hear my sarcastic/I don't care tone along with it, and they read in the emotion they want to hear.

[Hawkx]

I was raised by an ISTJ mother who rarely ever showed her true feelings to us. She always tried to appear stern and firm, but because of stressors in her life, sometimes she would just break down and cry because she could no longer hold it in. My older brother (ESTP) would immediately comfort her and try to console her (he would hug her, hold her, let her cry in his arms). Sometimes, he would even cry with her. But when it came to me, I would just stand at a distance and watch. I would not feel anything expect confusion as to what I was supposed to do. My brother would sometimes yell at me to hug her and (against my will) I would. She would hug me and I would sit there, stiff as a board. I even felt disgusted when her tears landed on my skin.

Now, as an adult, this is still true. The only difference is that my family is used to me now. My mother even recently cracked a joke about how I would stand far away whenever someone was in distress. I am rarely ever shocked when someone screams, I am hardly ever moved by the plight of another, and I'm still disgusted by tears. All I can think to do is tell people how to fix their problem.

Can any other INTJs relate to this?

My mother also has similar situations, she's an INFJ. After a while she stopped crying due to my personality having an effect on her. I usually tried to help her out with calmness and logic, Te in particular, and it worked. I can't even remember the last time I gave my mother a hug or a kiss. Now she comes more often to me to seek logic and my calming effect. She does call me cold at times...

[MelissaC]

Can any other INTJs relate to this?

To an extent, yes. It depends on the reason for a person's distress. If it's somebody boo-hooing over an easily fixable problem (a shitty boy/girlfriend, a job they hate, etc) then I'm unable to commiserate. I'll simply tell them what they already know but don't want to hear. Sometimes that's what people need more than a shoulder to cry on.

However, I can't stand people being hurt by things outside of their control. That may be why I became a nurse, or being a nurse may have caused that trait to grow in me. Even then I'm not so good at being emotionally comforting (although something as simple as forcing myself to hold a patient's hand can bring them immense comfort, which is usually the most I can offer emotionally), rather I swoop in and try to fix the problem.

I guess it boils down to: I can't stand to see people suffer, but I hate whining.