I'm needing some input on a specific situation, and curious in general about a characteristic I've noticed among some INTJs.
The Situation: About three months ago, my best friend of 6 years (INTJ) told me he just realized that he was in love with me. We began dating immediately, but not before I told him about a painful part of my past that I had never shared with him before. It directly affects our future should we be married, though only in a serious emotional way. I never shared it with him because I have always thought he was too good for me, even as a friend. He has principles and he sticks with them, while I have values and mess up all the time. I messed up big time a few years ago.
He needed some time to process it, but came out on the end of forgiving me and wanting to move forward.
Unfortunately, it came back up. He began struggling again and I told him that I could take whatever he could dish out, that I was ready and wanted to hear it and would just take it. It was just, the wrong thing to say. He is incredibly eloquent and that is maximized in writing, so the email he sent me crushed me to pieces. I tried to comfort him, but I felt about as big as a squished ant. Eventually, he got over it again, and we moved forward.
Then it came up again. This time, I ran. I ran for the hills and shut him out completely. He tried to give me the space and time I needed but it was killing him and I knew it, so I came back before I was ready and tried to comfort him again... we moved forward.
Last night... again. It's not as bad this time. We have figured out that we can't talk via text, email, or on the phone when this happens... that we have to talk in person... but it still kills me. It hurts me so much that we are still dealing with this when I am desperately trying to move forward and forget the past (figuratively, obviously it has made me who I am today and I don't want to change that).
The Question: With something that runs this deep, that hurts this much, that keeps coming back up... is it possible to eventually just forget it and move forward? What would you need from someone during this time? Would you try to punish someone for hurting you this badly, even if it was an unintentional hurt and mistake of the past?
I'm aware that I need to talk to him about this and ask him these questions myself, which I will when we are together in person on Saturday... but I was hoping for some more immediate input.